Newtothis2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Hi guys Happy Easter. My ex and I broke up in November. He had someone new within a week. My heart broke etc etc. Cut to now - I noticed he had unblocked me on social media, so I blocked him and removed his family and friends from my social stuff, so I can move on without them popping up. I had cancelled cat insurance for the cat that's still with him and forwarded the letter to his Mother, as I didn't want to send a letter to his house with the new partner there. She sent me an acknowledgment Facebook messaged, said I looked well etc - his sister also whatsapp'd me to say how good I looked since loosing weight since the breakup. Then Thursday evening I get a bitchy email: "See as you don't reply to me for whatever reason and have blocked me as much as you can I have to email you. I receive the insurance cancellation letter so ongoing your phone bill is £**. If you want me to contact orange and fine out the cost to buy out the contract I can do that and forward you the costs? . This way we can be 100% separate as this is obviously what you want. " I have been no contact with him since January 18th. I responded calmly and said Very Briefley I'd like to continue paying the phone as usual and I would prefer it if 'you didn't contact me again. I hope you understand'. I kept it ultra civil. Of course I have studied the email and found myself reading into it. Pathetic. I've been mentally exhausted by this email and RIGHT at the beginning of a 4 day weekend. I have really been struggling with the breakup and felt empowered by no contact, and the fact I had to reply (otherwise I would appear petulant) has upset me. I fear for my future. I am only 24 but I worry I wil never feel that level of comfort, love and safety again. We were together 4.5 years and lived together immediately. We worshipped one another. Sorry for the boring post butt his has consumed my last 48 hours. I bet it hasn't consumed his.
lolablue17 Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 (edited) I dont find his mail so b*tchy. Except from the phone thing there he expresses his dissatisfaction from you blocking him. I agree he could be a little more gentle and kind but it seems that he tried to be strictly business. do you know if he is still with his new GF? Edited April 19, 2014 by lolablue17
Chi townD Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Blah....he's trying to guilt trip you. You broke up and he had a new girl in his life within a week. That tells me that some sort of relationship existed before the break up for him to move on so quickly. Now he butt hurt that you won't talk to him (and set yourself up as his back up plan).Oh well! He can't have his cake and eat it too! 1
Author Newtothis2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Posted April 19, 2014 I dont find his mail so b*tchy. Except from the phone thing there he expresses his dissatisfaction from you blocking him. I agree he could be a little more gentle and kind but it seems that he tried to be strictly business. do you know if he is still with his new GF? I think because I know the way he is, I can tell it's bitchy but I can see why you'd think not. As far as I am aware, they're still together. But I have blocked so I am unsure.
Author Newtothis2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Posted April 19, 2014 Blah....he's trying to guilt trip you. You broke up and he had a new girl in his life within a week. That tells me that some sort of relationship existed before the break up for him to move on so quickly. Now he butt hurt that you won't talk to him (and set yourself up as his back up plan).Oh well! He can't have his cake and eat it too! I wondered if it was that. The breakup was quite unusual and when I hinted that we should be back together, he was genuinely torn between me and the new partner as he didn't want to hurt anyone (apparently). He said when we split that he'd always wonder what would've happened with us or if he was with me, what would've happened with them. Man, it's 4 months later and I'm still crushed. This email has ruined my weekend. I wish I could stop it from doing so.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Honestly, four months is not too long. Recovery can take quite a while. BUT at least you are helping yourself by blocking and deleting. Who cares if he's being b*tchy. From now on, you should no nothing of his feelings or anything about him and his new RS... 3
seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Newtothis, I'm so sorry you're feeling down. What helped me when I was in the thick of the healing process and I had a set back was to keep saying to myself, " IT DOESN'T MATTER. NOTHING HAS CHANGED. THE SITUATION IS STILL THE SAME." When I got a random text, or I thought he was with another girl, etc...I would freak out or get incredibly depressed. Before I sunk deeper into that negative emotion I would pull myself out by saying, "DOESN'T MATTER. NOTHING'S CHANGED. THE SITUATION IS STILL THE SAME." You can analyze an email or text or see him with another girl...whatever. It hurts, yes, but let your logical, reasonable self slap you in the face. What he does..does not matter. You two are still broken up. Nothing has changed since the break up. A bitchy email makes no difference to you bc you two are not together. None of it matters. If you accept this and can calm your emotions, then you're further along then you think you are. Continue to move forward. One step back, but 2 steps forward. 2
Elle1975 Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 I would buy the contract or transfer it in your name. I wouldn't keep that line attached to him.
seekingpeaceinlove Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 BTW: It's been 8 months since my break up and I'm far from being over my ex. I am happy being single, enjoying life, but I still love him. I'm nowhere near ready to date again but I am doing really great rediscovering myself and relishing my independence. Have hope. You're doing fantastic by blocking him and keeping NC. At 4 months I was struggling.
Elle1975 Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 Eh ..I find that by avoiding dating because we aren't "ready", we delay being "ready". I'm not saying you should start seeing someone while you're still crying over the relationship, but to put yourself out there might actually help. I know it's different for everybody.. It's how it's going to be for me or I'm going to stay buried under the blanket. F*** the pain, I'm strong, I will get better. By the way, dating new people is different from starting to see someone new. I'm not saying to try and start a new relationship right away. 1
hoping2heal Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 I'm sorry to hear this has spoiled your weekend. I hope you don't find that level of safety, love, and security again. What I mean by that is - I hope you find better than someone who can drop you on your hind end after nearly 5 years together and pick up with someone else. 1
Author Newtothis2014 Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 Thank you all for your kind responses. It's really helped me. I have felt so alone the past few months, it's been awful. I think it was incredibly selfish of him to email me. I have accepted that now and will do my best to not let it get to me. I went on a realt fun date last night and met someone who was incredibly flirtatious with me and it felt lovely being desired. For a few hours my mind was at rest. Have a wonderful weekend everyone.
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