somecamel Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I'm becoming a regular on here as much as I try and stay away:) I've had a rather strange situation come up in my life and really wanted to get your opinions on this. I've recently come out of a 7 year relationship, it was messy, if you want to read up on it you can see it here.... http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/456192-having-relationship-break Ok So I'm not over this relationship but I'm in a much better place than what I was when it first started. I've followed NC, had a few occasions when we've had to communicate but everything that needed to be sorted has been sorted now. Anyway, moving on to the strange situation with the ex from 10 years ago, we were together for 5 years and broke up nearly ten years ago, We have a son together that will be 10 in May this year. When my most recent ex left kind of for good, my older ex (I know confusing) started coming around to my new place a lot. Now this could be completely innocent as we do have a son together and his school is literally a 2 minute walk up the road from me so if I'm working from home they know (cars outside). We've been chatting a lot, she's been good to me and lending me an ear and I've done the same for her as she's had some issues recently as well. Anyway, I can't lie to myself that some of the feelings that I used to have for her haven't re-emerged, but this girl cheated on me, we were young (21, both of us are 31 now) and it's funny because it doesn't bother or hurt me anymore. We've booked a holiday next month to Portugal, the three of us. We had been talking about it for a while, she popped around Monday just gone with my son and we booked it kind of randomly:) I'm a bit worried about all this, it's stupid but I feel like I'm being pulled back to her and I don't think I want that. Don't get me wrong, I consider us as friends and we generally get on well but.. I'm actually starting to enjoy being single,, it can be lonely as hell and I still think of my most recent ex from time to time unless I can keep myself busy. But with us going away on holiday together, it's going to present a potential opportunity for us to maybe get physical, now I'm not against that idea:) but like I said above, I know that I'm not in any position to be jumping straight back into a relationship and it would be easy for me to do that as we've been together before. I'll be blunt, I'm horny as hell but have been very self destructive with 3 of the dates I've been on and I know I could probably get my end away on the holiday and she knows me and my ways:) I don't mean to be shallow but I have needs Am I making a mistake putting myself in this situation?
Jiivy Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I think it's a dangerous situation - but a situation that is beneficial ultimately for your son. I'm sure these thoughts will certainly continue to play on your mind whilst you engage in your holiday. I suppose the only advice I'd have is to be honest with your own feelings and crucially be honest with the mother of your son. If you're not ready to have a relationship but are worried you might get carried away givne your current situation - I would literally tell this woman exactly that before you go away. I might be completely out of line with this suggestion here...perhaps my fellow LS'ers can weigh in too, but that's my 2c. 1
Author somecamel Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 I think it's a dangerous situation - but a situation that is beneficial ultimately for your son. I'm sure these thoughts will certainly continue to play on your mind whilst you engage in your holiday. I suppose the only advice I'd have is to be honest with your own feelings and crucially be honest with the mother of your son. If you're not ready to have a relationship but are worried you might get carried away givne your current situation - I would literally tell this woman exactly that before you go away. I might be completely out of line with this suggestion here...perhaps my fellow LS'ers can weigh in too, but that's my 2c. I've already brought it up in a somewhat tongue and cheek way, her family are making jokes about what we're going to get up to over there and she said the other day let's give them something to talk about after I said that maybe we should have some ground rules. I agree it's potentially dangerous, I just need to deal with it properly.
redbaron005 Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 ...and I don't think I want that......Am I making a mistake putting myself in this situation? What do you want?
Author somecamel Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 What do you want? I don't know what I want, I'm not in a place yet where I can say what I want without making bad decisions when it comes to relationships, it's just one of them situations.
lovelogic Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 1. I don't think booking a random trip together spontaneously is the greatest idea. Especially when you are confused about what you want with her. 2. In my opinion, it would be best to take things slow. Coming out of a relationship, it will be difficult to judge your true feelings. 3. If you two have feelings for each other and are able to work out your problems you have from the past, I think this could turn into a great situation for the both of you. Especially with your son involved, would be great to hear about a family reconnecting Good luck with everything! It is a strange situation but it could work out in your favor. Just think things through! 3
Author somecamel Posted April 19, 2014 Author Posted April 19, 2014 1. I don't think booking a random trip together spontaneously is the greatest idea. Especially when you are confused about what you want with her. 2. In my opinion, it would be best to take things slow. Coming out of a relationship, it will be difficult to judge your true feelings. 3. If you two have feelings for each other and are able to work out your problems you have from the past, I think this could turn into a great situation for the both of you. Especially with your son involved, would be great to hear about a family reconnecting Good luck with everything! It is a strange situation but it could work out in your favor. Just think things through! Thanks for your thoughts. It's been a difficult 18 months for the three of us, my son was very ill back in January 2012 and was in out and out of hospital for months, It'll be nice to get him away for a break. I agree that maybe I should lay my cards on the table with his mum, I honestly cannot see us getting back together and I don't really want to ruin the relationship we have by us having sex.
Author somecamel Posted June 3, 2014 Author Posted June 3, 2014 Pleased to report that we had a lovely holiday and nothing happened:) I put a spanner in the works on the 2nd evening, we had a great chat and I did put my cards on the table. I just don't believe that you should go back to someone you've been with before. With 3.5 billion other women out there why on Earth would someone do that. Anyway, Our relationship hasn't been damaged by what would probably have been 10 minutes of me getting my dick wet for what another 6 years of crap from her:P
mtnbiker3000 Posted June 3, 2014 Posted June 3, 2014 Anyway, Our relationship hasn't been damaged by what would probably have been 10 minutes of me getting my dick wet for what another 6 years of crap from her:P Now that's thinkin' with the right head 1
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