Conners Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I get that texting is an awful form of communication but in the younger generation it is the most common way. I also get that not everyone is attached to their phone every minute of the day but when your long term partner takes more than 12 hrs to reply to you (during the day, when they aren't working) I get irritated. Today I messaged my boyfriend of over a year about something we had planned for tomorrow, it was a question. I messaged him over 12 hours ago and no response. I know that it's because he has left his phone somewhere and not checked it but I have told him time and time again how much this annoys me and if I died that he would probably be the last person to know about it. It's also ironic that he once got upset because I called my best male friend to pick me up from a bar when I was wasted. I told him if he maybe had his phone on him more often I would of asked him and figured there was no point since he rarely answers his phone or texts me back within 3 hours. If we go ahead with our plans tomorrow is it all right to express annoyance at the fact he is so terrible at keeping in contact. I always think that if one day I'm really in trouble he wouldn't even know about it until 2 days later. I will also point out on occasion when I have tried to mirror his behaviour he gets upset at me and thinks i'm angry or ignoring him. I would like to know if I am overreacting here?
GemmaUK Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 If you know he doesn't check his texts (which you clearlydo) why didn't you call him? Why use the form of communication he appears to use the least?
Author Conners Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Well there is no point in calling him if he doesn't have his phone on him.. that is why I am annoyed.
Els Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I'm mid-20s and my SO and I still primarily call, outside of work hours. I don't see the point of not calling and then being irked at lack of response. Just because texting is your 'most frequent' method of communication doesn't mean that you can't use any others. And if you're 'really in trouble' and still text instead of call... I don't even know what to say. Edit: Just saw your last post. IMO if you try to call and he doesn't even check that, THEN you have basis for complaint. You can't say he wouldn't respond if you rarely try.
BikerAccnt Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 In this day and age, yeah I guess I'd be a bit upset. But I come from a generation that had had practically no communication if you weren't home near your phone, and that could mean a week or more if you were on vacation camping or something. So I don't think it would bother me that much.
Author Conners Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 I'm mid-20s and my SO and I still primarily call, outside of work hours. I don't see the point of not calling and then being irked at lack of response. Just because texting is your 'most frequent' method of communication doesn't mean that you can't use any others. And if you're 'really in trouble' and still text instead of call... I don't even know what to say. You guys are missing the point. I'm really talking about texting and calling here and the point is that he leaves his phone somewhere and doesn't check it for hours. Trust me i've been upset before and tried to call him 6 times and no response until the next morning. It is really frustrating.
GemmaUK Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Well there is no point in calling him if he doesn't have his phone on him.. that is why I am annoyed. How do you 'know' he hasn't got his phone on him if you haven't heard from him though?
Gaeta Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 How long he's had his phone? If he's a new user of mobile phone maybe he's got a problem getting used to keep it on him. Get him one of those little thingy that hooks on the belt. Sounds more like an excuse to not be bothered though. If he is older then he probably have children and older parents that would need his immediate attention. I am 48 years old, if I left my phone somewhere for 12 hours all hell would break lose and they would send the troops to find me!
Author Conners Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Many ways. When I am with him, which is a lot of the time he misplaces his phone frequently, it always dies, he asks to use my phone charger because his is broken. When he does have his phone on him he is on FB frequently doing things and I can see when he was last active. Last time I checked it said he was online 13 hours ago. Anyway instead of questioning how I know if he is or is not ignoring me can you please address the issue of whether it's acceptable to be so slack in checking your phone. If you don't want to do that please don't bother replying. Thanks
Author Conners Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 How long he's had his phone? If he's a new user of mobile phone maybe he's got a problem getting used to keep it on him. Get him one of those little thingy that hooks on the belt. Sounds more like an excuse to not be bothered though. If he is older then he probably have children and older parents that would need his immediate attention. I am 48 years old, if I left my phone somewhere for 12 hours all hell would break lose and they would send the troops to find me! He's 20 and we both have iPhones. It also tells me when he has read a message which in this case he hasn't.
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Twelve hours seems a little excessive. Is it genuinely that he just isn't into phones and doesn't bother to keep his phone near him? As a compromise could you get his work number so that if there is a true emergency you have a way of reaching him? Some people just aren't bothered about their phones and texting. I've dated men who've messaged me constantly, literally every ten or fifteen minutes, all day and night, they clearly use text as a form of conversation very frequently. And men who have literally sent maybe two or three messages total outside of setting up the dates. What is sad about your situation is that he knows how it makes you feel, and yet he isn't really doing anything to change it. However, after twelve hours, that'd be kinda worried about him territory for me. If you're in a committed relationship I think it's fair that you would be concerned for someone's safety after that length of time if they just didn't reply, no evidence of their being on social media, no calls, nothing. In that situation I'd send a facebook message asking them to let me know they're okay, or try calling or something. But if it happened regularly I would probably just get bored of caring and my feelings for them would lessen and the relationship possibly die a death.
mammasita Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I don't think it's acceptable. I think it's time he gets a land line.
Els Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 You guys are missing the point. I'm really talking about texting and calling here and the point is that he leaves his phone somewhere and doesn't check it for hours. Trust me i've been upset before and tried to call him 6 times and no response until the next morning. It is really frustrating. Has he not been able to work out a compromise with you? Say, he checks his phone before bedtime at the very least, barring extenuating circumstances?
mammasita Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Not to mention, doesn't he worry about you? I couldn't function in a relationship like that.
J21 Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Did you talk to him about this before? I dont think you are over reacting if you did. If he was interested in you, he would carry his phone on him knowing you texted/call, especially if you brought it up before. Maybe he is absent minded about his phone or just aloof.
Author Conners Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Twelve hours seems a little excessive. Is it genuinely that he just isn't into phones and doesn't bother to keep his phone near him? As a compromise could you get his work number so that if there is a true emergency you have a way of reaching him? Some people just aren't bothered about their phones and texting. I've dated men who've messaged me constantly, literally every ten or fifteen minutes, all day and night, they clearly use text as a form of conversation very frequently. And men who have literally sent maybe two or three messages total outside of setting up the dates. What is sad about your situation is that he knows how it makes you feel, and yet he isn't really doing anything to change it. However, after twelve hours, that'd be kinda worried about him territory for me. If you're in a committed relationship I think it's fair that you would be concerned for someone's safety after that length of time if they just didn't reply, no evidence of their being on social media, no calls, nothing. In that situation I'd send a facebook message asking them to let me know they're okay, or try calling or something. But if it happened regularly I would probably just get bored of caring and my feelings for them would lessen and the relationship possibly die a death. It definitely is the case that he just isn't one of those people who has their phone on them all day. He does not have a work number, he works on a building site. I am not worried that he's in trouble. His mum, sisters, all his friends have me on facebook and have my number and they would let me know if he wasn't ok. I don't expect much. He does usually message me saying good morning and keeps in contact fairly well it just annoys me that when I ask a question and it takes so long to get a response when he has left his phone somewhere. He has gotten a lot better since I expressed annoyance at the situation but it still happens on occasion, like today. I am concerned if I chuck the ****s at him it might make me look clingy. Which brings me to my question to whether I have the right to be upset or not.
Gaeta Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 I don't think it would make you look cligny and I think you are justified to bring the subject up. As I see it it's a matter of organization, you're not frustrated because you lack his attention, you are frustrated because you've got to organize yourself for tomorrow and he's nowhere to be found to answer your question. You are stuck till he gives you an answer and that is very annoying. 1
GemmaUK Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Well clearly you have accepted it frequently because you are still with him. If he is unable to charge up his phone and it's his only means of contact with you then it sounds like he isn't that invested in the relationship to be honest. Either that or he is just pretty scatty and perhaps lives in his own little world? You can express frustration if you wish but if he doesn't really care then he isn't going to be very bothered about it nor be considerate in future. If you have brought this up before and he wasn't concerned enough to plug his phone in then I doubt that he will start plugging it in this time either. 1
acrosstheuniverse Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 It definitely is the case that he just isn't one of those people who has their phone on them all day. He does not have a work number, he works on a building site. I am not worried that he's in trouble. His mum, sisters, all his friends have me on facebook and have my number and they would let me know if he wasn't ok. I don't expect much. He does usually message me saying good morning and keeps in contact fairly well it just annoys me that when I ask a question and it takes so long to get a response when he has left his phone somewhere. He has gotten a lot better since I expressed annoyance at the situation but it still happens on occasion, like today. I am concerned if I chuck the ****s at him it might make me look clingy. Which brings me to my question to whether I have the right to be upset or not. I would be upset if somebody didn't bother to check their phone for twelve hours. Especially if they already knew that this kind of behaviour made me unhappy. I would just bring it up whenever it happens and assumedly it'll at some stage have happened so often that you just have to end the relationship because he's not making you happy.
Author Conners Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 I don't think it would make you look cligny and I think you are justified to bring the subject up. As I see it it's a matter of organization, you're not frustrated because you lack his attention, you are frustrated because you've got to organize yourself for tomorrow and he's nowhere to be found to answer your question. You are stuck till he gives you an answer and that is very annoying. Thankyou Gaeta. I normally do not overreact and act pretty cool with things but I am seriously annoyed at the moment. Its 9.30pm right now so if he doesn't respond by tomorrow morning I'll just stay home. I have a lot of university assignments to work on anyway.
Author Conners Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Well clearly you have accepted it frequently because you are still with him. If he is unable to charge up his phone and it's his only means of contact with you then it sounds like he isn't that invested in the relationship to be honest. Either that or he is just pretty scatty and perhaps lives in his own little world? You can express frustration if you wish but if he doesn't really care then he isn't going to be very bothered about it nor be considerate in future. If you have brought this up before and he wasn't concerned enough to plug his phone in then I doubt that he will start plugging it in this time either. I know he is invested. He has been a lot better with this and he is scatty and very disorganised but yes you are right. When he does this it leads me to believe that he doesn't care that much. We also have spent the past week together since he is helping me house sit. I did not see him yesterday or today but he is suppose to be coming back tomorrow to stay with me for another week. Not sure if I should cut him some slack..
Gaeta Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Thankyou Gaeta. I normally do not overreact and act pretty cool with things but I am seriously annoyed at the moment. Its 9.30pm right now so if he doesn't respond by tomorrow morning I'll just stay home. I have a lot of university assignments to work on anyway. I think unfortunately he needs to get the consequences of his actions. You have not heard from him then you make other plans, it sucks but if you don't do that he has no reasons to change his behavior. The effort you are asking of him is minimal, you want him to check his phone, and in worse case scenario if his phone is dead to get back to you at bed time when he plugs his phone. 1
hoping2heal Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 How is he as a partner otherwise? Despite the phone thing, is he otherwise attentive? affectionate? present? I think if he was otherwise a good partner it would be more tolerable. It sounds like from the context of your message that he doesn't check his phone very often, so I would not say this is quite the same thing as ignoring you. I don't understand why you were mirroring his behavior, unless it was not on purpose.
Author Conners Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 I think unfortunately he needs to get the consequences of his actions. You have not heard from him then you make other plans, it sucks but if you don't do that he has no reasons to change his behavior. The effort you are asking of him is minimal, you want him to check his phone, and in worse case scenario if his phone is dead to get back to you at bed time when he plugs his phone. I have done things like this before. As I mentioned I called my best guy mate to pick me up when he didn't answer. His response was "It really upsets me that you call another guy to come get you and not your own boyfriend" On another occasion I was annoyed at how long he took I just didn't bother responding to him. He sent me another 3 messages asking I was ok or if I was annoyed before he called me asking why I was so off. There is no point at me blowing up his phone in annoyance at the moment. Next time I see him I am going to be pretty pissed though.
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