Feel like giving up on women

[ktya]

Dont take the advice to spend up to 18 months alone and not dating.

 

That advice works great for women because they get approached constantly whether online or when they are out in the world.

 

As a guy you need to "have it" and if you sit around being alone for a long time when you do get back into it your going to reek to women of committment phobe and your going to have to relearn how to connect with women which will be soul destroying, reinforcing your singlehood and deflating your confidence.

 

The key is to date, lots if you want to but try to keep it as casual as you can for a while. Multi dating is better in your situation because you are prone to falling into wanting what you lost back in the form of another girlfriend.

 

Playing zone instead of man to man will help you not get one-girl-itus and help prevent you from rapidly developing deep feelings and getting locked down by the wrong girl.

 

When you meet a girl thats really for you when multi dating, youll know because the other women will become annoying.

 

Plus then if "the one" rejects you you will have the confidence to stay in the game.

 

Date 3 minimum. Keep it casual. If one starts to act up you can drop them, still have 2 left and go looking for another one.

 

When you meet the right girl and she meets you and your on the same wavelengthl youll know and then its time for the exclusivity talk.

[True Gent]

Thanks for all of the responses guys!

 

I see some of you have said I mustn't want it enough or I'm being put off rather easily...

 

Well maybe there is some truth in that to an extent.

 

I'm not desperate and I am choosy. Therefore the fact I genuily liked this girl was a strong feeling for me especially after nearly 10 years of having an interest in no one but my ex.

 

I have no time right now for games, heartache and general hassle. I would like to just date with no fuss and if there is an attraction then persue it. It will obviously take time. I'm just a bit dissapointed with the women I've encountered so far.

 

Obviously people are individuals not all women have issues. Like I say I don't want this problematic mindset myself. I'll keep dating I'm just not going to go all out chasing it. I'm perhaps a touch jaded and I think that's understandable, I know I'm a decent person. All of my family/friends/ colleagues etc... Think highly of me. Even the ex couldn't say a bad word about me apparently...

 

 

I will keep walking the walk for as long as it takes... I'm a fighter deep down. Just a bit peeved this morning after a dissapointing night.

 

Loveshack is a great place to let of emotional steam and I thank all of you for that.

[True Gent]

Dont take the advice to spend up to 18 months alone and not dating.

 

That advice works great for women because they get approached constantly whether online or when they are out in the world.

 

As a guy you need to "have it" and if you sit around being alone for a long time when you do get back into it your going to reek to women of committment phobe and your going to have to relearn how to connect with women which will be soul destroying, reinforcing your singlehood and deflating your confidence.

 

The key is to date, lots if you want to but try to keep it as casual as you can for a while. Multi dating is better in your situation because you are prone to falling into wanting what you lost back in the form of another girlfriend.

 

Playing zone instead of man to man will help you not get one-girl-itus and help prevent you from rapidly developing deep feelings and getting locked down by the wrong girl.

 

When you meet a girl thats really for you when multi dating, youll know because the other women will become annoying.

 

Plus then if "the one" rejects you you will have the confidence to stay in the game.

 

Date 3 minimum. Keep it casual. If one starts to act up you can drop them, still have 2 left and go looking for another one.

 

When you meet the right girl and she meets you and your on the same wavelengthl youll know and then its time for the exclusivity talk.

 

I know exactly what you are saying. I'm not going to just lay down and mope **** that! Life is for living and I intend to do so. Thanks for your post!

[True Gent]

Very much agreed. And OP, don't you dare take your ex back, ever. Good god you owe it to yourself. Please, please don't.

 

Dark Holy at this point in my life I have ZERO intentions of taking her back. I have lost all respect for her... She is no longer up on a pedestal.

 

I couldn't fall in love with her again.

 

 

Getting all excited about this one girl has shown me something massive. I can find someone else I'm genuinely interested in. I have that capacity within me again.

 

The ex wouldn't get a look in now.

[2011]

just my 2 cents. Online dating is a total nightmare now, I have used it since 2008 and today is by far and away and without shadow of a doubt the worst it has ever been. No one and I mean NO ONE replies any more and you will spend the rest of your life messaging people. Delete all your accounts and go and meet people in person at something you enjoy doing it works much better - don't waste your time and life on this ****.

[mrnova66]

Not sure where to begin...

 

9 yr relationship ended about 6 months ago. She dumped me for someone else. I've done lots to move on. I've moved house, spent time with friends and I enjoy doing my own thing.

 

I've been online dating a few times and I've given my number to someone in the real world.

 

This girl on POF messages me recently and we seem to have a lot in common. She did say she was fresh out of a breakup and didn't want to rush anything. I was fine with that, we arranged to meet.

 

The first date was amazing... Great conversation, definite chemistry and the date lasted 6 hours. We had a great time and a laugh.

 

We stayed in contact everyday both by text and on the phone. She was really keen, apparently been talking about me to her friends and family etc... Honestly she seemed really into me.

 

Then date 2. I thought she looked amazing... It seems stupid but I really had a crush on this girl in the space of a week. These are the first feelings of excitement and interest I've felt since my ex. The date was going great until I tried holding her hand. That's all I wanted to do, just hold her hand and she backed right off.

 

We had dinner and went to a comedy night after the hand holding thing, but the mood was definitely altered. I was totally honest and told her I genuily liked her a lot so far and I'm in no rush, but it think holding hands is a pretty basic thing and I'm confused as to what the problem is. She replied with she's not ready, it's too soon after her ex and she just can't progress it any further. She thinks I'm a great guy and loves hanging out with me, but it's only a month since her breakup.

 

I'm just like WTF? A month?! So that's that. A girl persued me, liked me, I fancied her and got shot down instantly after quite a build up in the space of a week.

 

Why oh why go OLD to just play with people? I really genuinely felt something for this one...

 

 

 

This isn't the first incident either... Another girl persued me online and wouldn't progress beyond messaging. She was obsessed with her ex, had serious hang ups and practically tried interviewing me as a potential date. Needles to say I cut her off pretty quick!

 

 

The girl who I gave my number to in real life is my hairdresser. I feel like we really get along and thought going for dinner would be nice. I gave her my number weeks ago... Nothing.

 

A lot of girls I message OLD either reply once and dissapear or just don't reply at all. It takes a LOT of effort writing personal messages to these people and 9 times out of 10 it's a waste of my time.

 

I've just had it with women... I really have...

I can relate. Been there,Done that. I do not know how old you are OP. I am 48 years old. And this is what I have found out in my experience. NICE DOES NOT CUT IT!!!!No this day and age. Mr. Drama kings(drunks,drug addicts,bums,jail birds,drug dealers and bank robbers) of the world can have all the women he wants. lets get real here. When was the last time you hear a complete loser/scum bag that he can not get a woman. I can not speak for anybody else and I would appreciate anybody out there do not speak for me. This is what I have found out. I have never experience a complete loser.scumbag do without a woman. Most are married, but never single. These winners never chase women. The women chase them. So what does that tell you. OP I gave up on women back in the 1990s when the saying you can be TOO NICE. In other words NICE DOES NOT CUT IT!!!!

[True Gent]

just my 2 cents. Online dating is a total nightmare now, I have used it since 2008 and today is by far and away and without shadow of a doubt the worst it has ever been. No one and I mean NO ONE replies any more and you will spend the rest of your life messaging people. Delete all your accounts and go and meet people in person at something you enjoy doing it works much better - don't waste your time and life on this ****.

 

I'm back into on line dating since I last used it in 2004. I met my ex through OLD. I agree it does seem to be much worse now as it's much more mainstream and as a result a lot more choice of low quality clientele.

 

I can't say I completely agree about no one replying and deleting my accounts is the way to go. I have had many replies from women, granted my messages take a lot of time to write as regular "hello, hi or hey there" type messages do not work at all. I've mastered the message writing part.

 

Also I get approached quite a bit on line even though many of these woman haven't been my type it's good to know I seem attractive. I've had 2 girls approach me which I found very attractive one of which was the girl I just recently met. If she wasn't just a month out of her breakup I think things would of went really well for a good few dates at the very least...

 

So I am not going to give up on OLD completely... Yes there are many problematic people on there, but that's just the world in general really isn't it?

 

I am going to look into joining a couple of clubs I'm interested in and see what potential is there. I think that is a good idea and something I just haven't gotten around to yet.

 

I can relate. Been there,Done that. I do not know how old you are OP. I am 48 years old. And this is what I have found out in my experience. NICE DOES NOT CUT IT!!!!No this day and age. Mr. Drama kings(drunks,drug addicts,bums,jail birds,drug dealers and bank robbers) of the world can have all the women he wants. lets get real here. When was the last time you hear a complete loser/scum bag that he can not get a woman. I can not speak for anybody else and I would appreciate anybody out there do not speak for me. This is what I have found out. I have never experience a complete loser.scumbag do without a woman. Most are married, but never single. These winners never chase women. The women chase them. So what does that tell you. OP I gave up on women back in the 1990s when the saying you can be TOO NICE. In other words NICE DOES NOT CUT IT!!!!

 

I'm 34 since you asked... I kind of see your point, but on the other hand I don't believe women do not appreciate being treat properly. Yeah the bad guys always seem to have women around them... But they are usually the sort of women I wouldn't want either.

 

I can't change who I am, I've had long term relationships I know my exes didn't like/want the bad guy types. I don't see what I could do to stop being "a nice guy". Be ill mannered? expect them to pay for the date? Look at their chest instead of their face? Talk over them and be full of me, me, me?

 

I can't see that working out for the best.

 

 

I'm not giving up on who I am and who I'd like to meet. Either on line or real life, I've got a lot of years ahead of me yet. This is my first time being single in my adult life and it's just a bit of a shock to the system... I'm sure it's a blip and I just need to be patient.

 

 

My original post was out of frustration and disappointment. It really liked this particular girl, probably a bit too much too soon. I need to be cool...

 

I'll get there. Thanks guys!

[mrnova66]

I'm back into on line dating since I last used it in 2004. I met my ex through OLD. I agree it does seem to be much worse now as it's much more mainstream and as a result a lot more choice of low quality clientele.

 

I can't say I completely agree about no one replying and deleting my accounts is the way to go. I have had many replies from women, granted my messages take a lot of time to write as regular "hello, hi or hey there" type messages do not work at all. I've mastered the message writing part.

 

Also I get approached quite a bit on line even though many of these woman haven't been my type it's good to know I seem attractive. I've had 2 girls approach me which I found very attractive one of which was the girl I just recently met. If she wasn't just a month out of her breakup I think things would of went really well for a good few dates at the very least...

 

So I am not going to give up on OLD completely... Yes there are many problematic people on there, but that's just the world in general really isn't it?

 

I am going to look into joining a couple of clubs I'm interested in and see what potential is there. I think that is a good idea and something I just haven't gotten around to yet.

 

 

 

I'm 34 since you asked... I kind of see your point, but on the other hand I don't believe women do not appreciate being treat properly. Yeah the bad guys always seem to have women around them... But they are usually the sort of women I wouldn't want either.

 

I can't change who I am, I've had long term relationships I know my exes didn't like/want the bad guy types. I don't see what I could do to stop being "a nice guy". Be ill mannered? expect them to pay for the date? Look at their chest instead of their face? Talk over them and be full of me, me, me?

 

I can't see that working out for the best.

 

 

I'm not giving up on who I am and who I'd like to meet. Either on line or real life, I've got a lot of years ahead of me yet. This is my first time being single in my adult life and it's just a bit of a shock to the system... I'm sure it's a blip and I just need to be patient.

 

 

My original post was out of frustration and disappointment. It really liked this particular girl, probably a bit too much too soon. I need to be cool...

 

I'll get there. Thanks guys!

You stated that women do not like to be treated badly. WELL!!That is up for debate and life experiences. Percentage wise I totally disagree with you. I would say only 25%(at most) really want a good guy with morals. The other 75% chase down scumbags/drama kings(drunks,drug addicts,bums,jailbirds and bank robbers) On average these winners pretty much have their pick. Let get real here!!!!WHO are the ones complaining that they can not get a woman(Good Guys) I ask you earlier have you ever see a scumbag without a woman. Like I stated before I cannot speak for you. only for myself and what I have seen with my own two eyes. Most of these scumbags/drama kings have women chasing them like bees on honey. Most of these winners are married, but never single. The only guys I see single a very good guys. I mean really!!Give it just a little thought. Me personally I think that is odd!! I mean think about this for a moment. Also you are blaming yourself for doing all the right things. Dude!!Don't do that. I use to blame myself too. But I really started to looking around society and see what is going on. I wised up. I see what majority of women really like in men. So do not change just because society is screw up. Be good to yourself. You can read forums on these dating sites and there are thread after thread women moaning groaning about where are all the good guys at, but at the same time they complain you can be too nice. These types usually end up with scumbags. So my advise to you is look around you and observe.

[Omei]

I feel that a lot of newly broken up people turn to date sites to feel wanted and desired, they will go on the dates sometimes even take it far but deep down they have no intentions of moving on yet and once you filled that need for them to be desired they will pull back, they rush to find new love to mask a pain, but they won't find it they are not ready.

[ktya]

Forget about trying tinder (whatever that is), OLD or anything else.

 

You need about 12-18 months ALONE.

 

Wrong

 

This advice would be fantastic for a woman to take after a breakup. For a man this is anathema. Jumping into a relationship? Absolutely not. Dating and feeling like you still have "it"? Absolutely.

 

Taking a year plus to stay ALONE as a man will kill his prospects with women. This advice is bunk.

[True Gent]

Wrong

 

This advice would be fantastic for a woman to take after a breakup. For a man this is anathema. Jumping into a relationship? Absolutely not. Dating and feeling like you still have "it"? Absolutely.

 

Taking a year plus to stay ALONE as a man will kill his prospects with women. This advice is bunk.

 

Well luckily in my almost 6 months post breakup I've been on a few dates with several women from OLD and I haven't really been trying too hard at all to get these dates... I guess I'm doing ok.

 

it is a confidence boost and good practice for myself. Especially after a considerably long relationship with one partner for such a long time.