PurpleCardigan Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Nothisgirl, I haven't been here in a few days as I try to re-focus on other parts of my life but I read your post and wanted to offer my support. I'm the same as you when I'm done, I'm done. My ex and I did the same LC, back and forth thing and what I realized was that the relationship remained on his terms, the love affair (well, because he was married), the friendship (because I let him). I was subject to the push/pull and when he got uncomfortable he pulled back. But he was clear that he wanted me in his life but on his terms. Eventually that pain became too much and I ended the friendship. He hasn't reached out since then, and I don't expect him too. Once the hard part is over -- and you are in the hard part -- I feel a range of emotions about him and my role in all of it but am OK with the fact that he's gone. I've gotten the perspective to see him as he really was, a serial cheater and I was one of many who believed the ILYs and future faking. His W took him back again but he "only stays married for his kid". Remembering this makes it easier for me (not easy) to move on. For you though...know that strangers on LS are pulling for you. When you want to contact or respond, go do something else. The back and forth only keeps you in it. My cowardly ex was never going to fully pull the trigger on our relationship, just like he's never going to initiate a divorce. As much as it hurts, sometimes WE have to be the strong ones and walk away. From what I read, yours sounds similar. I'm single and had no existing relationship to have a soft landing on, so I feel your pain. There is life for the single girl on the other side of being with a married man. I'm already expanding my horizons, challenging myself in new ways, and when I'm ready, I'll meet someone new. Single this time or at least 2 years divorced. So will you. Hang in there through the tough, anxious moments and envision the good life ahead. Hugs! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Nothisgirl Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 Nothisgirl, I haven't been here in a few days as I try to re-focus on other parts of my life but I read your post and wanted to offer my support. I'm the same as you when I'm done, I'm done. My ex and I did the same LC, back and forth thing and what I realized was that the relationship remained on his terms, the love affair (well, because he was married), the friendship (because I let him). I was subject to the push/pull and when he got uncomfortable he pulled back. But he was clear that he wanted me in his life but on his terms. Eventually that pain became too much and I ended the friendship. He hasn't reached out since then, and I don't expect him too. Once the hard part is over -- and you are in the hard part -- I feel a range of emotions about him and my role in all of it but am OK with the fact that he's gone. I've gotten the perspective to see him as he really was, a serial cheater and I was one of many who believed the ILYs and future faking. His W took him back again but he "only stays married for his kid". Remembering this makes it easier for me (not easy) to move on. For you though...know that strangers on LS are pulling for you. When you want to contact or respond, go do something else. The back and forth only keeps you in it. My cowardly ex was never going to fully pull the trigger on our relationship, just like he's never going to initiate a divorce. As much as it hurts, sometimes WE have to be the strong ones and walk away. From what I read, yours sounds similar. I'm single and had no existing relationship to have a soft landing on, so I feel your pain. There is life for the single girl on the other side of being with a married man. I'm already expanding my horizons, challenging myself in new ways, and when I'm ready, I'll meet someone new. Single this time or at least 2 years divorced. So will you. Hang in there through the tough, anxious moments and envision the good life ahead. Hugs! Ty PC, I really appreciate this post...it's nice to know you're not alone kwim My exmm will/would never be the one to walk away either. in fact, he's has told me (in jest) that I'm stuck with him ---he's a lot of things but not crazy, this was not said in a stalkerish way --- that he will always want to be there for me and be a part of my life. I am hoping that by me sticking to NC it will force him to move forward in his life. Whatever he decides. I've said it before, I think I was a bandaid to his marriage, his life...maybe now that the bandaid is pulled off he will get tired of me not responding... LC was killing me. I wanted to move on in my life...but it made me feel stuck. Idk, so much of it is still a jumbled mess but I know that this is the right, the only, choice for me. Happy to hear you're getting out there...there's certainly hope for all of us once we take our power back...huge hugs PC 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 Ack!! No!!! Nothisgirl, NC also means Do Not Respond. You do not need to clarify yourself with him. Stop that. Link to post Share on other sites
PurpleCardigan Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 snip. there's certainly hope for all of us once we take our power back ^^^This x1000. Link to post Share on other sites
forbidden_love Posted April 20, 2014 Share Posted April 20, 2014 It is our heart we need back.... for me without that there is no power Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts