Coolnamebro Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 Extremely, extremely attractive girl and I started showing interest in each other about a month ago. I played it pretty cool. Ended up going out with her one night and we hooked up on the first date (completely sober I might add). The days preceding she would call and text very endearing messages. I was definitely smitten. Not only is she very good looking but we share a lot of the same interests, I dig her personality, she has an overall positive outlook on life, and we are the same age. Last week I noticed her being a little standoff-ish after I invited her out a couple more times (in which she flaked). I thought I may have possibly come on too strong so I backed down a little. Reduced contact, sent fewer messages and slowed response times. Now she sends me a text saying I'm being weird. Definitely the most confusing girl I've ever dealt with. Most of the time I wouldn't care, but...she is really hot haha. I know the attraction is there, just don't want to be strung along. Thoughts? Thank you!
Frank2thepoint Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 I'm assuming since you said you guys "hooked up" on the first date, you mean you guys had sex on the first date. Going by this assumption, there was no emotional connection built over a period of time before you cemented the feelings by having sex. You guys skipped all of that, and just indulged in fleeting lust. Because of this, she probably feels embarrassed and insecure, or completely blase about the whole experience. Can't give you an accurate description of what she is thinking because there limited information in your post about her personality, except that you think she is hot. My suggestion is just talk to her, and ask her what's up. But if she continues being aloof, even to have a talk, then just move on.
Author Coolnamebro Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 I wanted to keep the structure of the post short but with the most detail, so I apologize if I didn't fill it in fully. Yes, we had sex. BUT... we had built up about 8-10 hours of solid connection prior to this, which is enough time to build rapport at least in order to sleep with someone. I would also like to say there was no intention of sleeping with her the first night, it just escalated quickly towards the end. I wanted to avoid buyers remorse which is why I mirrored her emotions after that night, in the weeks following. She seemed content. As far as her personality it seems as though we were raised very similar, both from a military family, parents happily married, same taste in music, food, health, exercise, etc.. Thank you for your input!
verhrzn Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 Maybe she thinks you don't like her. You say right in your first paragraph that you "played it cool." I mean, you've invited her places, but have you displayed smitten behaviors? Asking her about her day, sending her sweet messages, saying how excited you are to see her, etc? Essentially, when she sent you endearing messages, did you send her any back? Or was the extent of your behavior making out with her and then inviting her out? How and where did you invite her out to? My guess is she cooled off because she hasn't gotten enough smitten signals from you.
Author Coolnamebro Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 Maybe she thinks you don't like her. You say right in your first paragraph that you "played it cool." I mean, you've invited her places, but have you displayed smitten behaviors? Asking her about her day, sending her sweet messages, saying how excited you are to see her, etc? Essentially, when she sent you endearing messages, did you send her any back? Or was the extent of your behavior making out with her and then inviting her out? How and where did you invite her out to? My guess is she cooled off because she hasn't gotten enough smitten signals from you. When I say I "played it cool" I mean I didn't chase after her like 50 other guys probably were at the time. I'm thinking thats why she was drawn to me. The messages and smitten behavior was consensual. I may have gone a little overboard actually because I didn't want her to feel like she was trash for giving it up on the first date. When she started flaking that's when I backed off.
Frank2thepoint Posted April 17, 2014 Posted April 17, 2014 You contact her as soon as possible, arrange a date, work on building rapport, if you want this girl. Now if she still flakes on you, even for being earnestly interested, then you are in a tough bind. You can continue chasing her, but not like a hound, meaning keep reaching out to her periodically and hopefully she'll come around, or just forget her and keep it truckin'. 1
salparadise Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Agree with Frank. Show some persistence but if she's not sending any good vibes back your way then just move on. I realize that may be hard given that she's hot and you slept with her once already, but you do have your pride and sanity to consider as well. Continual flaking and then turning it back on you (saying you're acting weird) is not a good sign. If she's just a little scared of her emotions then persistence could win the day, but if she's detached, aloof, uncaring and disrespectful––deriving some sadistic satisfaction in making you miserable––then save yourself and move on. I went through something similar with the woman I'm seeing now. Turns out she was scared and I broke through by being persistent. The turning point was when I let her know I was done with the bull$hit. She had offered to cook (scheduled a week ahead), and two days before I asked her if she'd like to cancel. I said I was letting her off the hook because it didn't seem like she had much interest or intention. When she understood that I had essentially written her off (or was ready to) because of the push-pull crap everything changed. And subsequently, showing her in no uncertain terms when she bumped against my boundaries is what gained me respect and allowed us to move forward. Damn women are complicated sometimes.
GemmaUK Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 She thinks you don't like her or are judging her for sleeping with you. She felt bad for doing that I think and she went quieter due to that. She didn't get any reassurance from you right at that time that you were interested in her as you went quiet on her too. It's OK for guys to sleep with someone on a first date but women often get judged for it so if it does happen and it's a girl you are really interested in you gotta be a bit considerate of that and show her that you are still interested. Never leave it for 3 days, play it cool or lessen contact. She will make assumptions that you are not interested and just used her for sex.
mammasita Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 we had built up about 8-10 hours of solid connection prior to this, which is enough time to build rapport at least in order to sleep with someone. When did <1 day become good framework for a solid connection to sleep with someone I digress, if you're interested - ask her out. Be a little more aggressive. Seriously though, you really had nothing to build on before you slept together so I agree that she's probably feeling a bit standoffish trying to feel you out.
Author Coolnamebro Posted April 18, 2014 Author Posted April 18, 2014 Agree with Frank. Show some persistence but if she's not sending any good vibes back your way then just move on. I realize that may be hard given that she's hot and you slept with her once already, but you do have your pride and sanity to consider as well. Continual flaking and then turning it back on you (saying you're acting weird) is not a good sign. If she's just a little scared of her emotions then persistence could win the day, but if she's detached, aloof, uncaring and disrespectful––deriving some sadistic satisfaction in making you miserable––then save yourself and move on. I went through something similar with the woman I'm seeing now. Turns out she was scared and I broke through by being persistent. The turning point was when I let her know I was done with the bull$hit. She had offered to cook (scheduled a week ahead), and two days before I asked her if she'd like to cancel. I said I was letting her off the hook because it didn't seem like she had much interest or intention. When she understood that I had essentially written her off (or was ready to) because of the push-pull crap everything changed. And subsequently, showing her in no uncertain terms when she bumped against my boundaries is what gained me respect and allowed us to move forward. Damn women are complicated sometimes. Solid advice. I guess my question is what is something good to say to bring my point across that I will not tolerate being strung along, but without being over barring? How did you conquer that specifically with words? She is still responsive in a good way, but her response times have plummeted dramatically, and I know for a fact she's not busy. Thanks again this is great.
Frank2thepoint Posted April 19, 2014 Posted April 19, 2014 I guess my question is what is something good to say to bring my point across that I will not tolerate being strung along, but without being over barring? How did you conquer that specifically with words? You don't have to demand anything. Just ask her what she thinks about you and what she wants. Also tell her what you think of her and what you want. I'm assuming you want to continue having sex with her, because she is hot, then be honest with her about it. I'm not sure if you want a relationship from her because neither of you even alluded to that.
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