Unblocked by xAP

[XenoMouse]

that makes sense because its all in my mind now. What doesn't make sense is how could she possibly think i would contact her? i broke nc once to try and talk to her and after 2 months of here and there txts she out of nowhere told me she was never going to talk to me again and there was absolutely nothing i could do to change her mind.

 

So why the baiting now? what if i do nothing (which i plan to)? will that lead her to break NC?

 

like i said, unless she's testing the waters for contact, if she is baiting i just don't get how she would expect me to contact her after she went from saying sweet things to having a bipolar attack and declaring she's never going to respond to me again and going NC for months. Theres really no way im gonna contact her after that. Is this the ol'wayward coming back as if nothing ever happened toy in a toybox routine happening?

 

thanks for all the advice ppls

[XenoMouse]

that makes sense because its all in my mind now. What doesn't make sense is how could she possibly think i would contact her? i broke nc once to try and talk to her and after 2 months of here and there txts she out of nowhere told me she was never going to talk to me again and there was absolutely nothing i could do to change her mind.

 

So why the baiting now? what if i do nothing (which i plan to)? will that lead her to break NC?

 

like i said, unless she's testing the waters for contact, if she is baiting i just don't get how she would expect me to contact her after she went from saying sweet things to having a bipolar attack and declaring she's never going to respond to me again and going NC for months. Theres really no way im gonna contact her after that. Is this the ol'wayward coming back as if nothing ever happened toy in a toybox routine happening?

 

thanks for all the advice ppls

 

I hope i didn't informally close the thread cause if any of you can answer just anyone of these questions it would be a huge help.

 

Also, after her first DDay all of the pictures that yours truly was in were deleted from her page, even pics with us and mutual friends...all gone. Now on her page, and this is crazy to me, if you go to her pics there is a pic of JUST me and her! standing close together taking a smiling selfie! and whats even more crazy is whenever we used have our stupid cuddly moments i would tell her that that was the day i realized i had feelings for her. And now thats the only pic of me that has reappeared on her page after she unblocked me instead of the multiple pics we took with other ppl which all remain deleted.

 

Now for all the BSs reading this, wouldn't it make you LIVID if you went on your Ws page and they had a pic of them and their AP smiling close together on a beautiful day? wouldnt you demand that it be taken down? Isn't that the exact opposite of attempting reconcilation and how does he not seem to notice unless he just doesnt check her page cause they're always together....I feel like im taking crazy pills.

 

Is this just all whatever coincidence or is something obviously happening here...please tell me cause obviously when it comes to this situation...im a little slow .

[txgrl]

I donot know if you read the threads here?

 

All she's doing is trying to suck you back in only to have the same stupid push pull cycle with you again . It hurts our ego when OM doesn't pay attention to us and we resort to childish and risky( just a pic of you two ) behavior to make sure we still have out hooks in you .

 

Respond at your own risk . She will just play this juvenile game till either you stop it once and for all by never responding or she gets caught an is genuinely remorseful and stops .

[XenoMouse]

thanks txgrl as always.

 

i do read the other threads here, i guess its just different when its happening to you, had it been somebody else posting these questions i would have seen the situation from a better objective point of view. Its just hard to believe that someone could be so....idk the right word. I mean she broke up the A to save her M and its been months now i would've thought she moved on.

[txgrl]

It takes a very conscious committed effort and a hell lot of self control and guilt to get over an A . It is not easy at all . If she falters , help her by not responding .

I have fallen off the wagon many times emotionally . You just keep reminding yourself what is the right thing to do and keep picking yourself back up .

 

For me , I not only feel I wronged my H but also OM. I think he was like so many of OW/OM here , genuinely and sincerely looking for a committed long term relationship . Your AP probably feels those pangs of guilt too but I think instead of reaching out to OM again , working on ourselves and our H and family is the best thing to to .

 

You need to focus on your moving on . Are you dating?

[Cocochai]

that makes sense because its all in my mind now. What doesn't make sense is how could she possibly think i would contact her? i broke nc once to try and talk to her and after 2 months of here and there txts she out of nowhere told me she was never going to talk to me again and there was absolutely nothing i could do to change her mind.

 

So why the baiting now? what if i do nothing (which i plan to)? will that lead her to break NC?

 

like i said, unless she's testing the waters for contact, if she is baiting i just don't get how she would expect me to contact her after she went from saying sweet things to having a bipolar attack and declaring she's never going to respond to me again and going NC for months. Theres really no way im gonna contact her after that. Is this the ol'wayward coming back as if nothing ever happened toy in a toybox routine happening?

 

thanks for all the advice ppls

 

Honestly if my XMM told me to "never contact him", I would never reach out or even look at his FB profile ever again... To me.., that says "I'm trying to work on my M, and your interfering with that".

 

My XMM has tried to convince himself and me that the A is over.. Only to reach back out again. I've even told him to "Never contact me again" but accepted when he reached out.. Now I can never really tell him that lol

 

Her honestly unblocking you could be her way of telling herself "She's over you and doesn't care whether she see's you profile or not"

 

Question for you is... Why haven't you blocked HER yet?

[Wambo]

 

Question for you is... Why haven't you blocked HER yet?

 

I can't answer for him but my situation is very similiar to his with an exception I work close vacinity to my exAP aswell. The reason why I'm showing no reaction to her because I don't want to show I'm still interested in her. If i do then if could lead me open for even more NC breaches in the near future.

 

What I'm doing is pretending I'm not aware of her games and therefor showing no interest in her. Hopefully in a few weeks she will stop and give me some breathing room.

[XenoMouse]

I understand that it must be very difficult to get over an A. Although it seems like she just so easily left and slipped back into her M I could see that she was struggling with it do to the couple of times she came back. However, every time she came back she was always a little meaner or angrier than the time before. Maybe she was resentful of her inability to really call it quits, maybe her head was all mixed up i dont really know.

 

The whole thing for me is that as long as the NC was total i was forced to move on, even though i may not have wanted to. When she finally put her foot down and with conviction said no more of course i was went through episodes of loneliness and seemingly constant despair. But out of that some strength started to very slowly emerge, i began getting back into the gym, focusing on being in the present moment, and letting go. As long as there wasn't any contact or pics or updates of her and her life i was moving forward although, still, in my weaker or moments when i'd miss her i would hope for a hint or a sign or something.

 

Thats why when this happened it was such a set back for me. Even though it might seem like a small trivial thing which i don't think it is, it really opened up a big door. Out of nowhere she opened up a line of communication and by changing her profile to public we can at the touch of a button see whats going on each others lives. New pics, old pics, pics of us together..the works...and its really brought the whole situation back in a big way especially the sadness of loss and the confusion. I know she could and probably was stalking me from her H's profile so she really didn't have to unblock me to see whats going on with me. This i believe was very purposeful but, as you said, its the game and its only going to be the game so im not going to respond or reach out.

 

But somethings different now, every time i see a like of hers or a pic of her put up on a mutual friends wall it brings up so many negative feelings i just curse under my breath. Just the thought of going to her page makes my skin crawl and i have no idea why. When i see a pic i don't see the same person i use to love and pine for i only see and think about the games and the ridiculousness. But yet for some reason i want to talk to her...maybe just to have the chance to be assertive after taking so much BS in what i thought was love way after she changed it to a game.

 

But to answer your question no lol im not dating, i think if i dated anyone it would be an absolute mess and i would just hurt the other person. There are girls that are interested but im still too much in THIS world right now....even after so long .

 

I believe you said your OM got married txgrl? would you have continued trying to reach out to him had he not?

 

Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to vent!!!

[XenoMouse]

cocochai, thats exactly the way i perceived it...that she was working on her marriage....so i haven't tried to contact her or break NC. And i haven't blocked her for exactly what Wambo says i don't want to give her any inkling that what she does has any affect on me (even though thats obviously not the case).

 

This may be stubborn of me, but I still maintain that if she were really over me and didn't care she would have left me blocked for her M and her H's sake if your over an AP and working towards reconcilitation the last thing you should do is in anyway open up a line of communication and window to your exAPs life. I don't post on our mutual friends walls or anything so im not popping up all over the place, the only reason to do that would be to visit my profile directly and that she could always do from another/her H's account (he used to pop up all over my search bar before she unblocked me).

 

I could understand being over somebody and unblocking them after a normal relationship and break up....but just don't think its the same thing after an Affair with multiple DDays. I know if i were a BS i would insist that that door be shut completely forever locked and thrown in the sea and this seems to be the opposite of that.

[txgrl]

He old me he found someone to get married to . Don't know if he's married or not .

After a DDay , this holding out bait by your AP to me is completely unacceptable. It is disrespectful and counterproductive both for her H and you .

Edited April 23, 2014 by txgrl

[Cocochai]

cocochai, thats exactly the way i perceived it...that she was working on her marriage....so i haven't tried to contact her or break NC. And i haven't blocked her for exactly what Wambo says i don't want to give her any inkling that what she does has any affect on me (even though thats obviously not the case).

 

This may be stubborn of me, but I still maintain that if she were really over me and didn't care she would have left me blocked for her M and her H's sake if your over an AP and working towards reconcilitation the last thing you should do is in anyway open up a line of communication and window to your exAPs life. I don't post on our mutual friends walls or anything so im not popping up all over the place, the only reason to do that would be to visit my profile directly and that she could always do from another/her H's account (he used to pop up all over my search bar before she unblocked me).

 

I could understand being over somebody and unblocking them after a normal relationship and break up....but just don't think its the same thing after an Affair with multiple DDays. I know if i were a BS i would insist that that door be shut completely forever locked and thrown in the sea and this seems to be the opposite of that.

 

Well for your own good, I wouldn't reach out to her at all. Btw how long have you two been in NC since she re-opened her a FB acct.

 

Another thing to consider is, they may share passwords and if he goes on her page and noticed she blocked you, that would raise alarm. Just my thought either way.... You don't just forget a person over night especially when it's a forced one.

 

 

If your wondering if your XMW is probably struggling with the NC, and just from the observation of the MW/MOW that post on here...I'd have to say YES.

 

But I have a feeling you truly don't want to. Be involved with her.. You some what enjoy the chase. Am I wrong?

[swimmingbird]

I think people who dump their affair partner because they want to work on their original relationships (or because they have to after getting caught and taken back) get bored after some time and start playing these games. I don't think she deserves to hear from you again, she seems a bit crazy, but that's on you.

 

Mine blocked me one month after dday (weird I think) and I didn't give a **** and won't give it again if she unblocks me in the future, because I will be so busy working on my life and appreciating those who want me in theirs.

 

I hope that whatever happens to you in this life will bring you joy.

[XenoMouse]

txgrl

 

exactly. its so crazy to me i don't understand why she's doing this or what she's hoping to achieve. other ppl on this forum and friends have been telling me thats just her, she's got issues, so maybe thats it but who knows. Im with you i don't see it as acceptable behavior unless she's struggling with NC and maybe releasing a pressure valve to take some of the totality of it away.

 

Cocochai

 

theres no way im gonna reach out...i wouldn't even know what to say. Its been about 2 1/2 closer to 3 months of total NC before she unblocked me before that it was about 2 months of LC. Her husband knows it was me for both ddays so i think he would hope to see that i was blocked if he ever checked her profile.

 

I don't know if i enjoy the chase as im not sure if its going on. Do you think she's chasing?

 

Usually i like to be the one to chase but when i caught feelings i chased way too much because i got lost in the push pull after dday 2. I'd say i honestly really had no idea what i was doing or any sense of how pitiful i was acting. I think at one point i was just driven and overwhelmed by my fear of losing her because she threatened me with it CONSTANTLY. She would pull the break up/make up cycle during which she would break up and then just pop back up in the weirdest of ways. Maybe thats why she thinks i'll just jump all over this and reach out??

 

either way, its just so weird to be confronted with pics and updates of her after all of that. To all of a sudden have to see pics of someone who I shared so many strong emotions and intense times with, who then turned into such a crazy super b**** (even if she had to...she could have gone about it in a better way). It just brings up so much in me its just an overload...maybe im being too sensitive idk.

[txgrl]

I don't think you're being over sensitive .

 

New pictures and updates would trigger anyone off .

 

Why haven't you blocked her on all social media etc if you're so sure you won't respond ? To me, you're kinda enjoying the attention too ( understandably .

 

The fact that you're so intent on trying to figure out what her hints mean you're still not totally over it . I think you're trying very hard to convince yourself that it means nothing to you while deep down you're thrilled ,right?

[Cocochai]

I think people who dump their affair partner because they want to work on their original relationships (or because they have to after getting caught and taken back) get bored after some time and start playing these games. I don't think she deserves to hear from you again, she seems a bit crazy, but that's on you.

 

Mine blocked me one month after dday (weird I think) and I didn't give a **** and won't give it again if she unblocks me in the future, because I will be so busy working on my life and appreciating those who want me in theirs.

 

I hope that whatever happens to you in this life will bring you joy.

 

That's one of the reasons why some people start A's in the first place... Bored with their M, seeking emotional or physical attention.

 

When they try to do the right thing (especially w/out MC or communication from the spouse)... The A starts back again.

 

I have a feeling she'll reach back out to you (again).. She prob does miss you but the A's are never the same once there's almost a DDAY or the guilt is in the air. I think ur XMW gets angry because she Wants to shake the A but like a drug... It makes her want more.

 

Move on, stop wondering and just do you. If she reaches out... I guess it's up to you on what you want from that.

[RickFox]

txgrl

 

exactly. its so crazy to me i don't understand why she's doing this or what she's hoping to achieve. other ppl on this forum and friends have been telling me thats just her, she's got issues, so maybe thats it but who knows. Im with you i don't see it as acceptable behavior unless she's struggling with NC and maybe releasing a pressure valve to take some of the totality of it away.

 

Cocochai

 

theres no way im gonna reach out...i wouldn't even know what to say. Its been about 2 1/2 closer to 3 months of total NC before she unblocked me before that it was about 2 months of LC. Her husband knows it was me for both ddays so i think he would hope to see that i was blocked if he ever checked her profile.

 

I don't know if i enjoy the chase as im not sure if its going on. Do you think she's chasing?

 

Usually i like to be the one to chase but when i caught feelings i chased way too much because i got lost in the push pull after dday 2. I'd say i honestly really had no idea what i was doing or any sense of how pitiful i was acting. I think at one point i was just driven and overwhelmed by my fear of losing her because she threatened me with it CONSTANTLY. She would pull the break up/make up cycle during which she would break up and then just pop back up in the weirdest of ways. Maybe thats why she thinks i'll just jump all over this and reach out??

 

either way, its just so weird to be confronted with pics and updates of her after all of that. To all of a sudden have to see pics of someone who I shared so many strong emotions and intense times with, who then turned into such a crazy super b**** (even if she had to...she could have gone about it in a better way). It just brings up so much in me its just an overload...maybe im being too sensitive idk.

 

And this is precisely why NC is necessary in your case and yet you refuse to block her because you're so caught up in what she thinks. It shouldn't matter what she thinks at this point, but you won't block her because (and you can deny this all you want) you're happy there is an opening 'just in case.' Only three months out from not talking, that's nothing, it's still fresh for both of you but if you want some sanity then you block her, not to send her any message, but so that you don't have to see everything she does and wonder if it's for you. She can think anything she wants as to why you did it or how much she affects you, at this point, it's a who cares game. At this point, it isn't about her, it's simply about you

[XenoMouse]

you are all so right. deep down it is a little satisfying knowing that she's up to something but i feel like whats actually happening is like pavlovs dog im salivating at even just the perception of a breadcrumb. And i know its because im not totally over it, honestly i don't think im even close. I didnt know fb did this but if she even tags a mutual friend in a pick or a status...i get the update even tho we're not friends...so its like triggers all over the place.

 

Whats making it even worse is that the place she works at (where i used to work)...all of a sudden more and more ppl from there are reaching out to me. Even the ONE girl that she told everything to is now liking pics on my wall. I know i tend to over think things and i would like to believe that thats the case but i know girls can be strategic masterminds when it comes to things like this. And its honestly getting to the point that if one of us doesnt throw up the block soon contacts inevitable.

 

RickFoxs totally right im just driving myself crazy..im already wary now of what i post on my own wall and how it will be perceived. And 3 months is too short...even though its felt like forever now it feels like its not nearly been long enough. And honestly i do want the contact, for validation to get whatever i need to say off my chest but i have a feeling in the end it truly won't matter cause its all just been too strange. I need to just work on myself. theres just been so many bizarre twists and turns to this whole thing its really feeling like its all too much.

[Gunthar]

Only thing I think you ought to be doing, imo... Answering: what do you want? What are you trying to accomplish?

 

If the answer is to connect and pursue the relationship with her, then... go find out what this is all about (ask her). Everything here is pure speculation. None of us knows what is REALLY going on for her. Just educated guesses.

 

Good luck.

[Wambo]

Xenomouse

 

All she is doing is sending you ideas and fantasies to wet your apertite. The truth is and you need to lodge this deep down into your brain, you have no idea what's going on in her life. Unless you a cop and you have your cop buddies keeping her under survilance, the chances are you do not know what her situation is like. She could be going through a rough patch, say maybe seeing if she still got it or things in her life is going down hill? What you're seeing from her is what she want you to see and that could be a total frabrication of her reality. So unless you have a private detective or you're planning to do some recon yourself, you will never know the full facts.

[XenoMouse]

yeah i understand that. its just good to have opinions and advice from ppl that have been in a similar situation. All i know for sure is that she opened this line up and I thought it was strange.

 

I was reading on the infidelity forum about a situation in which a BS caught his W just googling her OM and that seemed to be universally regarded as a breach of NC even tho the OM didn't know it. In this case both her and I know she cracked opened this door so it seems like that much more of a breach. maybe she just needs some info to feel like contact to calm the missing...but in my case it just heightens and triggers those feelings and based on the nature and history of our relationship if we get the slightest little opening it always just escalates exponentially. Which makes it even stranger that she would crack open the door, knowing how we are...or used to be.

 

I think most ppl are right when they say she's a little crazy but whatever shes doing its working...

Edited April 26, 2014 by XenoMouse

[XenoMouse]

just wanted to give an update on this seemingly never ending weird situation i probably should've started a new thread but im kinda embarrassed that this whole thing seems to have such a hold on me and also what follows is probably going to be ridiculously immature. But i do have some questions and as usual you guys seem to have the best advice/insight.

 

so as i mentioned earlier in the thread my exAP unblocked my from fb. Shortly after this thread kinda died down a mutual friend of ours who used to work with us pops up out of nowhere saying how she missed the whole gang and blah blah blah. After a quick 'hey hows it goin' she starts asking me about exAP if i think she's changed and all that, i quickly just said 'we dont talk' and changed the subject.

 

Next thing i know a couple days later this friend is telling me that her, another friend, and exAP are all planning to hang out and they wanted to know if i could make it. I replied by saying when you figure out a date let me know and i'll tell you if i can make it.

 

After that this same friend resurrects a pic of me, exAP, and one other person from 2 years ago and comments how she misses everybody. Of course i dont comment on it because both exAP and i are tagged and i feel like commenting on a pic with both of us in it would be a breach of NC. Its enough that i get updated when she posts on a friends wall but this would be a little too far as it would very close to direct contact. I assume that she'd think the same thing if not just un-tag herself immediately (she's the one with the H and everything) but no...she comments on the pic and i start getting direct notification from her. very immature i know.

 

From my pov im kinda doubting the genuineness of this whole old friend missing everybody thing...am i wrong? does this sound like the type of thing girls would get together and think up? is she making a move for contact? does she really expect it to go from no contact to a group hang out?? I know i should just not care and block all these ppl but im just not there yet and this is all just really weird.

[RickFox]

Yes, women will do this. Get ready

[Wambo]

Are you attending the lady night?

[XenoMouse]

thanks Rick, setting phasers to stun.

 

wambo, i don't know if i should. I don't see how it wouldn't be really really awkward. this all happened at the beginning of the month and since then there have been cancellations due to mothers day and memorial day in the states and stuff like that. Im not sure if its genuinely a thing or just a feeler to see whether i would agree to go or not. Like i said before if it was a real event it would be super weird and if its actually a plan its a damn bold one.

 

the problem with all of this is that it puts the past at the forefront of my mind. it pulls me back into the same nonsense of guessing, and wondering, and thinking about the A instead of moving forward.

Edited May 28, 2014 by XenoMouse

[Wambo]

thanks Rick, setting phasers to stun.

 

wambo, i don't know if i should. I don't see how it wouldn't be really really awkward. this all happened at the beginning of the month and since then there have been cancellations due to mothers day and memorial day in the states and stuff like that. Im not sure if its genuinely a thing or just a feeler to see whether i would agree to go or not. Like i said before if it was a real event it would be super weird and if its actually a plan its a damn bold one.

 

the problem with all of this is that it puts the past at the forefront of my mind. it pulls me back into the same nonsense of guessing, and wondering, and thinking about the A instead of moving forward.

 

Exactly and this is why you shouldn't go. You will be constantly on your guard and your emotions will take a big beating. Just imagine sitting there and listening to your exAP talk about her marriage or her general life. It going to be hell for you to listen to all this and why should you put yourself in an emotional firing line for her own sake? If I was in your position, I wouldn't go and I would send her a message by blocking her on facebook.

 

These games only cause people to grow further apart. If she can't respect you then how can you respect her? All this friction between you two will just keep building up to the point of any happy memories together will erased by the hurt she had caused you.

A few days ago my exAP tried to gain my attention by smiling at me. I ignored her and I have no doubt in my mind she will not be telling her boyfriend of this incident. To be honest if she ever leave her boyfriend, I don't think we can have a healthy relationship because the pain we went through and I having a lack of trust in her. A few years ago it would be a different story but this affair had caused so much damage I want these toxins out of my body.

 

In your situation she could of easily ask for a private chat and to discuss the situation. However this haven't happened because she still willing to stay in her marriage. If not then she would be contacting you directly and asking for your support. So please do not go. This night out is only going to cause you pain and you will be facing these urges to have her all for yourself AGAIN!