Being dramatic or suicidal ?

[veryhappy]

Please reach out and ask for help. Coming here is a step, but you need help in real life.

 

Life will be good again no matter what you think now. Don't trust your bad thoughts. They are not true.

[blue963]

Dont be afraid to get help. If you dont want you husband to know why he never has to know. I know a man that is married and was having an affair and the girl friend committed suicide. He checked himself into an inpatient facility got help for what he needed and his why never did know the real truth. There is confidentiality. Get yourself help. Use the excuse that being a stay at home mom is very isolating and you often lose yourself in taking care of everyone else.

[Speakingofwhich]

OP, some large churches employ counselors and will counsel you for free even if you aren't a member of the church. I seem to recall you mentioned you live in a small town but is there a larger town near enough by to find a church with a counselor? It seems it would help you so much to talk with someone who could comfort you face to face.

[waterwoman]

Lauren, please see your doctor asap. The wrongs and rights don't matter right now, being safe and healthy do xx

[LaurenM81]

Hi again, I spoke with my doctor and he doesn't think my excuse for being a depressed mum is good enough to be prescribed anti-depressants he wants me to get in touch with our health visitor, her next visit is 2 weeks away. He said he understands it's hard but didn't recommend taking anything as they can become addictive. I live in a small town Yorkshire (England) our local church was closed down a few years ago, we don't have many amenities here and have to travel into York town or surrounding areas for resources.

 

I will just keep myself busy for the time being and exhaust myself my doctor did offer me sleeping tablets which I will take and hopefully they will settle my nighttime nightmares.

 

I seen my affair partner and his wife on way to doctors and just said hello and moved on, this in itself is an improvement as before I would run the other direction. But I can't help wondering what he is doing how can he miraculously decide to reignite his vows after 3 years with me, as I've said it was almost like a real relationship we spoke everyday, face timed every morning and seen each other 5 times a week. I find myself wondering if he is in as much pain as I am, I hope he is, but most likely he has put his whole self into the marriage again as he said he was going to do. I went to my sisters house and his daughter was playing with my niece I had to leave as she looks like him and I felt awful.

[cozycottagelg]

Tell us about your husband.

[preraph]

You're punishing yourself. Instead, what you need to be doing is picking yourself up, dusting yourself off, and moving forward caring for yourself and your kids. What's done is done. Hopefully, you learned from it. If nothing else, you learned you don't have much self-control. If you have the money, see a therapist and get all this sorted out, what made you do this. Stop wallowing in guilt and change.

[jellybean89]

This man is a predator! He has been married longer than you have been alive!

 

I am glad you have your kids to keep you focused...but one thing that shouted out to me...you said you spoil them rotten...I hope you mean with love and attention and not material things. I've seen too many kids today who were not given rules, discipline or boundaries and they are horrible young adults. Just make sure you aren't taking your grief over the end of the affair and transferring those guilt feelings to your children.

 

I am curious -- you said you have 3 small children. You also said you facetimed every day, saw him/had sex 5 times a week. Where were your kids? That concerns me only because I hope they didn't know him or see you two together inappropriately because they could accidently say something to their daddy and that would cause you further anxiety.

 

You can't just turn off your emotions. Allow yourself 15 minutes a day, after the kids are asleep or if they are napping, to grieve (cry, think of him, etc). Don't let thoughts of him invade every waking moment you have -- that is only going to hurt you more. Shorten the timeframe after a week or so. No it won't make you wake up one day in the next few days and be suddenly over him but you are putting a limit on how much time you spend grieving the end of the affair.

 

If your marriage has issues, work on them. Go on marriagebuilders.com and read and soak up all the knowledge you can to fix YOUR issues in your marriage. talk to your H about couples counseling..tell him you feel you need to put time into your marriage because 3 young kids and work aren't giving you and he time to ensure the foundation of your marriage is strong (which it isn't since you had a 3 year affair). If you find that no matter what you do, you can't spark your marriage, then you must tell your H that you aren't in love with him/don't love him anymore. You don't have to talk about the affair; but you need to give him the opportunity to find someone else who will love him the way a wife should love their husband.

 

Please do not harm yourself. Please. You have 3 little ones who need their momma.

[todreaminblue]

when my ex left me for another woman the court ordered em to hospital i would have died......you are grieving compounded by guilt the loss of something that was never going to be...you lost your hope when th relationship died now you are grieving....weight loss is natural...so is the grief... suicide is not natural.....

 

for a betrayed parent or an other woman parent we feel the same grief...loss of a beloved and the loss of our dreams and hopes for the future

 

 

when a newly single parent goes through grief over the loss of the relationship our responsibilities kick in......we are overwhelmed with them, we know we have them and we feel this sadness, this complete dejection how can we cope with everything and deal with grief as well...its all to much isnt it.......

 

 

you need to see a compassionate and adept professional.....

 

 

 

grief will morph and change as you go through it there is no avoiding that or avoiding your responsibilities to your kids through death......

 

 

they love you and you need to return that love to them

 

 

when i was in hospital i prayed a lot...in between electric shock to keep me alive.......i begged god to help me make it through .........and he did.....he helped me didnt make it easier to go through still felt pain....and huge memory loss......but i made it somehow.......that si how god helped me in the some how some way moments......unknown to me now or then how nad or close i got to ending it.....

 

 

one thing that helped is i moved interstate when i got out of hospital with my kids.....started a new life with family close so glad i did .....the church i am in came knockin on my door......saved my life a second time......god has a plan for all of us.......i used to say a mantra fo my kids names over and over in hospital.........to help me focus on what was important........and when my ex said to you wont see the girls ever again you crazy (censored)in a phone call i had with him......right at that moment i realised how important they were to me and i went a little bat **** crazy trying to get out of a locked ward to go to them......thats when knew exactly what i had to do.........and i thanked god for th enlightenment....hit hard........they banned em from phone contact and went through my best friend who took care of my nest while i was healing she helped the girls and i got better.....they released me i did the move four kids (my mum my sis helped me pack)........

 

 

 

 

two dogs one with flatulance and two cats mewing for a fourteen hour drive....ar we thre yet was the song sung for a very long time...:0)....with all my fave possessions that could fit in an suv.........and i am writing to you now.......eight years down the track......couldnt have made a better move...everything happens for a reason ....

 

 

 

grief is natural...if you dont grieve you never truly loved..........please seek help....i hope i have at least helped a little bit to let you know it will get better for you....love your kids while you are on earth...dont shorten the days that you are here yoru job is eternal towards your family you have to help them through the loss they will feel in the future......when it s your time to go make sure before you do to fill that time you are here with good times and even the bad with comfort and love............for them to remember you by....dont you dare leave them in sadness and a memory of you that cant be forgotten ever.....dont you abandon them......(thats as stern as i get ...hugs....)...that is your reason for living.......until you can live for you ....you have a reason to live for others and for those hearts you created who need your protection and love.,........those who love you...dont make them grieve over you...you knwo how it feels...look into their eyes...remember why you are here........lots of love ....debxo

Edited April 18, 2014 by todreaminblue

[FoolishOW]

Lauren... there are emergency centers available 24/7 when you're having thoughts like this. CALL!! It's NEVER an overreaction to call for help when these thoughts run through your mind. NEVER! I recently lost my nephew this way, and as KaliLove has said... the devastation is unending.

 

 

NO ONE wants to live without you!!! NOTHING you've done could EVER be as BAD as losing YOU!

 

 

NOTHING matters more than YOU being here for those you love, and those who love you. NOTHING AT ALL!

[LaurenM81]

Hi thanks again for the many replies.

 

Today feels like a good day I am determined to get through this and work on my issues and understand why I done this, once I can maintain a good frame of mind I shall inform my husband. I have ordered a few books online about infidelity, cheating, low self esteem which I never thought I suffered from as previously said I was always a happy care free person but I must have these issues to feel so down and depressed over this.

 

No I don't spoil my children with needless toys I spoil them by taking them out places everyday, walks, duck feeding we are always outside, rain or sun, we recently started building a dolls house for them in our yard so we are all enjoying this task and can't wait until we furnish inside.

[eye of the storm]

Lauren, Im glad you are having a good day.

 

I had an exercise I was given, look at yourself in the mirror. Say something nice to the woman you see. every day find something new to say. Sounds stupid but in the beginning it is harder than it sounds. And I had affirmation sticky notes posted everywhere.

 

Feel free to be silly with them. My kids even put sticky notes on the dogs saying stuff. (I don't recommend that if you have a grumpy dog who is overly fond of his coat and overly angry at being a billboard, unless you enjoy watching a 10lb dog chase a teenager down the hall with death in his eyes.)

 

When you see the next doc in a couple of weeks. Put your foot down and demand help. Do not down play what is going on. Detail the vomiting and the weight loss. Tell them about the nightmares.

 

You are more valuable than you know.

 

If I hurt your feelings or you feel I was harsh like uneek did. Im sorry. Ill be honest, the people that helped me the most were not the hand holders, it was the ass kickers. They were the people that would not let me lie to myself or make excuses. They felt that I needed to be held accountable to understand what my choices and actions/inactions were doing to myself and to my kids. And they let me know that no matter how bad I had screwed up in the past...it was just that, the past. The past is what we learn from so we don't do it again.

 

If you take nothing else from my posts to you please take this, you have the power to improve your life and truly be happy. But it takes action and determination. Which, lucky for you, is also within your power.