jackny123 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 I've been reading this forum for days and really liked the advice from many users. I decided to post my own story. I work at a global Fortune 500 company. I was working on a project with a team in Asia. After a conference call where I liked this girl's voice, I messaged her on communicator and we briefly chatted. She told me not to be in the office when she returned the next morning. However, it was a very long work day for me, and she wound up messaging me when she arrived back at work the next morning. We flirted and hit it off some more. That was September 26, 2012. We bonded over work email, work IM and soon exchanged personal contact information. We started skyping on the weekends. Three months later, she came to NY for business and we spent a week together. She let me stay in her hotel room with her. We acted like a couple, despite the fact that she had a boyfriend. We only kissed once - the final night she was here, both of us in a drunken stupor, and immediately regretted it. I escorted her to the airport and she returned to Asia. That was January 2013. We kept in touch but our communication grew more emotional. In April 2013, she told me she loved me. I said it back. However, she was due to move in with her boyfriend in July 2013. Time passed and she moved in with him. We still remained in touch, emailing each other and texting each week. When she moved in with her boyfriend, I was ready to let her go. A few weeks passed with superficial communication between us. One day, tragedy struck and my mom fell ill. This girl served as my support system and was in touch with me everyday. Sadly, my mom passed away in September 2013. A week later this girl revealed she was coming to San Francisco in December 2013 with her boyfriend and family, and planned to stay an extra week so she could see me. By this time, her boyfriend caught onto the texting and emailing. They had fights. By the time they got to San Fran, he was very suspicious. I cooled the frequency of my communication with her. By chance, he saw part of an email she wrote to me, and accused her of cheating on him. They had a big fight and it wasn't resolved. The boyfriend and her family left SF and I arrived to see her. We spent a day and a half together before the boyfriend freaked out on her, and she decided to leave SF early and go back to Asia. During our two days in SF, we merely made out, but never went too far physically. When she got back to Asia, the boyfriend dumped her two days later and threw her out of their house. I consoled her and served as her support system during the breakup. After the initial dust settled, we talked about taking a trip together and decided on Thailand. This would serve to "make up" for the time we should have had in SF. I flew to Thailand in March 2014 and she met me there. We spent a week together. We slept together, went to the beach, were constantly talking, etc. Things went well. I noticed she was texting a male coworker often and we had a long discussion about it. I was suspicious but she denied she had feelings for him or did anything with him, saying they were new friends. We agreed to be accountable to each other after Thailand, meaning that we were both single, but that we would tell each other if we started dating or sleeping with other people. In the ensuing weeks, we both became emotional. When she would go out with male coworkers, I would question what she was doing. I often talked about us being together down the road. She couldn't handle it, and asked for space, saying things were too intense. As fate would have it, two days into the space it was revealed she is coming to Los Angeles in June 2014 for work for a week. Two days later, she ended things with me via email, saying we shouldn't talk anymore or try to see each other. We argued back and forth on a long email thread and the next day I asked her to talk about it. We are scheduled to talk tomorrow, 4/17. She is in the last stages of getting approved for a transfer to an office in Germany in October 2014. If - and that's a big if - all goes well and we decide to be together, I'm willing to relocate to Germany to be with her. My question is: What would you do next? Would you try and salvage this tomorrow? I understand this girl has a lot going on emotionally and was overwhelmed by me. Is it salvageable? Should I give up? Welcome any thoughts. Thank you, Jack
faithfully Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Wow if this girl was cheating with her boyfriend with you, who says shes not gonna do the same thing to you. I would leave her and find somebody else. She is not the only woman on this earth. Sounds like she cannot be trusted. Sorry
faithfully Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 And because how both of you got together is always going to be at the back of your mind so anytime she goes away for business without you, you are always going to be thinking who she with, what she doing. Am sure that is not what you want really. Get rid!!!
flightplan Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 What goes around comes around. Is this seriously what you want? This has trouble written all over it. She cheated. You cheated with her. There is ABSOLUTELY NO FOUNDATION for a solid, healthy relationship. You guys built your affair on sand. It won't hold up over time. Every relationship experiences cracks... but the healthy ones always weather it. This IS NOT healthy. Both of you guys have low self esteem and two people with low self esteem spells emotional disaster. Do what you feel you need to, but I can tell you from experience, what you have is not gonna work.
Author jackny123 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 Thanks everyone - she dropped me via email and has refused to speak to me, only to 'clarify' about why she's ending things between us. Guess I learned a hard lesson here..
Author jackny123 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 Does anyone think she and I could start over if we were living in the same city after 8-12 months NC?
deathandtaxes Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 Does anyone think she and I could start over if we were living in the same city after 8-12 months NC? No. Don't even think about it. Lick your wounds and move along.
jonsnuh Posted April 18, 2014 Posted April 18, 2014 This girl has opportunist written all over her actions. Get out before she takes your soul with her.
Author jackny123 Posted April 20, 2014 Author Posted April 20, 2014 OP again - thanks for the additional advice. Wanted to send an epilogue here: She called me on Thursday, 4/17, we had a massive argument and back and forth. She didn't say one nice thing to me and ended the conversation on her terms. I deleted everything, including any way to contact her and blocked her wherever I could. I'm at 3 days NC. Trying to stay strong.
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