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Just got a letter from a dumper after two years! what do I make of this?

Ordinaryday

By Ordinaryday
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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Ordinaryday Established Member

Ordinaryday

Posted
Posted

opened up my facebook and in my 'other' inbox there was a bloody letter from her!

 

long story short, we were together a year and we both had problems which I thought we were working through - then one day she decided she had had enough, gave up on me and dumped me... a few days after dumping me I got a text from her saying if I ever felt like being her 'friend' she would always be there for me... as a friend. I texted her back saying I had no interest in being just friends with her. nothing since... until now!

 

here is the letter

 

"Hi [real name],

 

I feel bad for how things were left between us. We are both such passionate, driven individuals but sadly we were just going in different directions. It still hurts me to this day that I hurt you, and I really don't want there to be bad blood between us.

 

We shared some amazing times and nothing can take that away, no matter what. I want you to know that I dont harbour any animosity towards you, I have forgiven you, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

 

In the 18 months since I last saw you I have been doing really well, I have taken up a new class and met an amazing guy. So dont worry about me hurting, I am doing fine. Hope you are as well.

 

You are an amazing, special guy and you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I hope you find it. Please message me back, cos I would love to hear from you and catch up with you, because you will always be my friend!

 

Love,

 

[EX's name]"

 

All I can say is.... wow. that letter just SCREAMS passive-aggressiveness, and nastiness. seriously, why the heck after 18 months would she send something like this? and what do I do?

 

for the record, I have no desire to 'be friends' with her, or even acquaintances, I told her it was all or nothing, she chose nothing. what do I do?

David87 Established Member

David87

Posted
Posted

What do you do ? NOTHING . She want's to ease her guilt, come on you know that.

 

Don't respond, it's not worth it.

  • Like 6
elseaacych Established Member

elseaacych

Posted
Posted

She's obviously feeling very guilty about the way she treated you during the breakup, and things may not be going as well as she'd think, because she felt the need to tell you she's doing ok. However, the letter is really all about her and she's made her intentions clear.

 

Unfortunately, she has no respect for your wishes, because she still wants this "friendship".

 

If you really want nothing to do with her, don't respond.

In the alternative, not recommended, you reiterate your wishes in no uncertain terms in a text or email. Don't mention that it was nice to hear from her, or whatever.

 

"Dear Ex:

 

Got your letter. I loved you. You broke up with me. I am doing fine. Please remember the text that I sent on [date], where I said we could either be all or nothing. Please respect my wishes.

 

Signed,

You"

 

I would not advise that, because while it is a direct statement, it could incite her to respond again.

 

NC is really the best way to go.

  • Like 5
Leigh 87 Established Member

Leigh 87

Posted
Posted

LOL what a tart.

 

 

As if you want to know about her "amazing" new guy.

 

 

What a loser.

 

 

 

 

People with decent social skills don't message their exes, and tell them they have met an amazing new guy.

 

 

 

She is full of it lol.

  • Like 9
Ajax Established Member

Ajax

Posted
Posted

 

So don't worry about me hurting

 

 

Don't worry about her hurting.

  • Like 7
FortunateSon Established Member

FortunateSon

Posted
Posted
opened up my facebook and in my 'other' inbox there was a bloody letter from her!

 

long story short, we were together a year and we both had problems which I thought we were working through - then one day she decided she had had enough, gave up on me and dumped me... a few days after dumping me I got a text from her saying if I ever felt like being her 'friend' she would always be there for me... as a friend. I texted her back saying I had no interest in being just friends with her. nothing since... until now!

 

here is the letter

 

"Hi [real name],

 

I feel bad for how things were left between us. We are both such passionate, driven individuals but sadly we were just going in different directions. It still hurts me to this day that I hurt you, and I really don't want there to be bad blood between us.

 

We shared some amazing times and nothing can take that away, no matter what. I want you to know that I dont harbour any animosity towards you, I have forgiven you, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

 

In the 18 months since I last saw you I have been doing really well, I have taken up a new class and met an amazing guy. So dont worry about me hurting, I am doing fine. Hope you are as well.

 

You are an amazing, special guy and you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I hope you find it. Please message me back, cos I would love to hear from you and catch up with you, because you will always be my friend!

 

Love,

 

[EX's name]"

 

All I can say is.... wow. that letter just SCREAMS passive-aggressiveness, and nastiness. seriously, why the heck after 18 months would she send something like this? and what do I do?

 

for the record, I have no desire to 'be friends' with her, or even acquaintances, I told her it was all or nothing, she chose nothing. what do I do?

It's all about her, isn't it? I would stay NC, it's not really worthy of a response.

  • Like 3
erklat Established Member

erklat

Posted
Posted

She's so inconsiderate that I'm angry after reading this mail.

 

If you haven't seen what kind of person she is, it is clearly visible now.

 

This is the selfish breadcrumb of a month!

  • Like 2
lolablue17 Established Member

lolablue17

Posted
Posted (edited)
All I can say is.... wow. that letter just SCREAMS passive-aggressiveness, and nastiness.

 

I agree that her letter full of nastiness. I was disgusted by that letter while trying to figure out what are her motives. And my conclusions is she did it to raise her ego just a bit, not caring if she hurts you a lot. UUGGGHHH!!!!

 

I almost certain this letter in some way meant to hurt you deliberately. She needs full upper hand with you. and with your appropriate response 2 years ago, she never got that. it ate her inside, so she sent you this ugly letter, and proved what a low person she is. She will never admit that, because she tells her self a different story, a hypocrite story.

 

Don't dare to answer. block her from everything. If you have a mutual friend, leak to him "secretly", that your ex sent you a funny letter which proved to you that she is miserable and a loser and you are so glad she is no longer in your life. the friend will tell her of course. Let her be cooked in her one pot!

 

UUUGGGHHH!!!!

Edited by lolablue17
  • Like 3
TheNoBSBuddhist Established Member

TheNoBSBuddhist

Posted
Posted
opened up my facebook and in my 'other' inbox there was a bloody letter from her!

 

long story short, we were together a year and we both had problems which I thought we were working through - then one day she decided she had had enough, gave up on me and dumped me... a few days after dumping me I got a text from her saying if I ever felt like being her 'friend' she would always be there for me... as a friend. I texted her back saying I had no interest in being just friends with her. nothing since... until now!

 

here is the letter

 

"Hi [real name],

 

I feel bad for how things were left between us. We are both such passionate, driven individuals but sadly we were just going in different directions. It still hurts me to this day that I hurt you, and I really don't want there to be bad blood between us.

 

We shared some amazing times and nothing can take that away, no matter what. I want you to know that I dont harbour any animosity towards you, I have forgiven you, and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.

 

In the 18 months since I last saw you I have been doing really well, I have taken up a new class and met an amazing guy. So dont worry about me hurting, I am doing fine. Hope you are as well.

 

You are an amazing, special guy and you deserve all the happiness in the world, and I hope you find it. Please message me back, cos I would love to hear from you and catch up with you, because you will always be my friend!

 

Love,

 

[EX's name]"

 

All I can say is.... wow. that letter just SCREAMS passive-aggressiveness, and nastiness. seriously, why the heck after 18 months would she send something like this? and what do I do?

 

for the record, I have no desire to 'be friends' with her, or even acquaintances, I told her it was all or nothing, she chose nothing. what do I do?

 

Print it off.

Soak it in beef gravy. Wrap it round some dog food.

Then give it to the dog.

 

Then you can honestly say hand on heart, sadly, the dog ate it.

 

The dog will eventually pass it through its system, and accord it the status it truly deserves.

 

A pile of poo.

 

"Here boy, here!!"

  • Like 1
erklat Established Member

erklat

Posted
Posted
Print it off.

Soak it in beef gravy. Wrap it round some dog food.

Then give it to the dog.

 

Then you can honestly say hand on heart, sadly, the dog ate it.

 

The dog will eventually pass it through its system, and accord it the status it truly deserves.

 

A pile of poo.

 

"Here boy, here!!"

 

You think this is worth all the effort you described?

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

Posted
Posted
In the 18 months since I last saw you I have been doing really well, I have taken up a new class and met an amazing guy. So dont worry about me hurting, I am doing fine. Hope you are as well.

 

Bitter and vindictive.

 

OP do not respond. Delete it and move on. Any sort of response will feed into her sick head. If you ignore, it will eat at her even more. This letter is coming from a place that wants to hurt you. Don't bite. Don't.

  • Like 2
Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

 

for the record, I have no desire to 'be friends' with her, or even acquaintances, I told her it was all or nothing, she chose nothing. what do I do?

 

 

 

I think you answered your own question. You owe her nothing. She chose to have you out of her life. She has a "amazing" guy in her life so she can go talk to him. There's no need for her to talk to you.

  • Like 1
TaraMaiden Established Member

TaraMaiden

Posted
Posted
You think this is worth all the effort you described?

 

Sounds like a plan - Doubtless the dog would appreciate it....;)

redbaron005 Established Member

redbaron005

Posted
Posted
In the 18 months since I last saw you I have been doing really well, I have taken up a new class and met an amazing guy. So dont worry about me hurting, I am doing fine. Hope you are as well.

 

What in the world...

 

Maybe she isn't doing as well as she reports, its almost as if she had to send this letter as some sort of validation to herself. And rubbing the new guy in your face + the assumption that you are still worrying about her after 18 months sounds rather conceited and a bit immature. Given that, I would strongly consider deleting the message from fb.

  • Like 1
lauri Established Member

lauri

Posted
Posted

She isnt doing well. The new "amazing guy" has really helped her forget you, eh?

 

I love it because she was looking for a way to get at you...her true intentions of that letter has to do with her making sure you know she has a new man in her life and she is "better off" without you. I'll tell you what...you burned her hard and she still hasn't been able to get over how guilty she feels about what happened.

 

There is no need to have this woman in your life dude...she will just get an ego boost by you responding. Honestly, I cannot believe people like this exist in the world. What a loser..

  • Like 3
elseaacych Established Member

elseaacych

Posted
Posted
You think this is worth all the effort you described?

 

Yup. You get your feelings out, very cathartic. Your dog gets a tasty treat. She gets no response.

 

Everybody wins.

  • Like 1
sooshi Established Member

sooshi

Posted
Posted

Gah. I would be so hurt and angry if my ex sent this to me. This is all about her and has nothing to do with caring about how you feel, although I think she thinks that by writing this, that she is being the "bigger" person and is being thoughtful. I can't believe that she has the audacity to flaunt that she has met an "amazing" guy to you, as someone she left. As if the breakup wasn't painful enough, she feels the need to talk about someone who is "amazing" for her.

 

Don't bother replying. It's not worth it. :(

 

Don't bother replying.

  • Like 1
hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

Posted
Posted

Wow.

 

I thought you were being shoddy for wanting to text her you would always be there, for the purpose of kicking dirt in her face.

 

I mean, I still believe that's a totally crap idea.

 

But, "I met an amazing guy"...wow what an *******

 

For someone who doesn't want bad bloody she's about as dense as grammas fruit cake.

  • Like 1
Black Cement Established Member

Black Cement

Posted
Posted

i gave an ex the "all or nothing" choice. she chose nothing, then i walked off without saying a word. she came back after a while and revealed shes been depressed, and would like to at least be friends. i got suckered back into her games and then she cut me off when i asked to get back together.

 

don't be me, you're just going to end up getting hurt again letting her back into your life.

  • Like 1
faithfully Established Member

faithfully

Posted
Posted
Wow.

 

I thought you were being shoddy for wanting to text her you would always be there, for the purpose of kicking dirt in her face.

 

I mean, I still believe that's a totally crap idea.

 

 

Yeahh what did happen to that crazy idea you had a few days ago.

 

Glad you didnt follow it through!!!

 

Ignore and move on

fancy feast Established Member

fancy feast

Posted
Posted

Delete it and make a drink.

Trapito Established Member

Trapito

Posted
Posted

You really dodged a bullet here.. My, my..

 

This girl is vindictive as hell. "Don't worry about me, I'm not hurt, I have forgiven YOU, and I have a fabulous new boyfriend. So hush now, don't feel sad. Everything worked out juuuuust fine (for me, haha!). Wanna be friends now?".

 

Just ugh..

  • Like 4
Gottabestrong Established Member

Gottabestrong

Posted
Posted

This reminds me of an ex who about a year after he dumped me and I went NC sent me an email informing me that he was married with a baby on the way and he thought 'I should know'.

 

I still have no idea why he did that and at that time it really hurt and pissed me off.

 

So yeah, I am with everyone else, ignore it and don't even reply.

  • Like 1
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

Silence is the biggest statement you can make.

  • Like 1
BC1980 Established Member

BC1980

Posted
Posted

I like how she says she has forgiven you. How generous of her. Don't respond at all. That will really mess with her head.

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