Oh my freakin GOD, I'm gonna be sick.

[tiki]

Originally posted by Stone

( by the way Tiki I kind of stole your son's name If we have a boy it's Owen Parker.... sorry I really liked it ) OK done highacking

 

Oh, no problem! But who's Owen Parker? My son's name is Chandler.

[Stone]

Oh never mind I thought his name was Parker?? Duh blonde moment

[tiki]

lol...no prob.

[moimeme]

Moi, if you had a child, would you give it your ex-husband's last name?

 

I certainly would because it's my name now. I also wouldn't tell him. As I and others have said, people don't 'own' names. It's not his permission to give nor hers to ask.

[tiki]

Originally posted by moimeme

I certainly would because it's my name now.

 

Wow.

 

I've asked many of women how they would handle this and you're the only one to say that you'd name the child after your married, then divorced name. Many people have said that she should've taken her maiden name back when she found out she was pregnant. Then named the child with her maiden name. Or give him the father's last name for Christ's sake. But not a name that belongs to another man across town.

 

It's his name, that was given to her at marriage. The marriage ended.

 

I would not have kept my husband's name either (just in case you are wondering) if he were to remarry. That's embarrasing to me. And I wouldn't do that to him. It makes it look like you're attempting to desparately hold onto something that is no longer there. Give it up. I'm not married to him and I wouldn't plan to keep his name because 'it sounded better with my first name'. Just because a name sounds good, doesn't mean that you rightfully own it. Sure, you own it during marriage, but after that, you should go back. That's my opinion.

 

The lady knows she's wrong. That's why she cried. And cried. And cried. And that's why she knows she needs to fix it. It's not right.

 

I'd say the majority wouldn't name their child after their married, divorced name. It's not his child - he has nothing to do with this kid and she assigned it his last name.

 

She know's it abnormal and she's fixing it. And that's the most important thing.

[moimeme]

Um. It's just a name. But if you dearly wish to cling to the idea that names are belongings, go ahead. I don't follow that line of thought. They are not gifts and can be neither 'given' nor withdrawn.

 

She know's it abnormal

 

Again, no it's not 'abnormal'. It's just a fricken name.

 

That's embarrasing to me. And I wouldn't do that to him. It makes it look like you're attempting to desparately hold onto something that is no longer there.

 

 

It. is. JUST. a. name.

 

Someday if you have deeds on houses, vehicles, passports, and other possessions in your current spouse's name, you too will comprehend that the hassle of changing it all (and producing all the certificates to prove the changes) is a big enough pain in the butt to make it not worth it to change back. Not one damn person could ever spell my maiden name. I no longer have to spell my name to every person I leave a message with. That aggravation alone is plenty worth keeping the new name. However, if I were to marry again and the guy really wanted me to change, I would. Otherwise. It. is. just. a. name.

[tiki]

So maybe since this name is hard to spell and pronounce, she should just 'lose it'. Since it's just.a.name. Maybe we should change our name since it's just.a.name? F*ck no, that's HIS FAMILY'S name. It's not just.a.name. It may be that to you, but it could be too that your exhusband doesn't like you keeping his name. Is he remarried?

 

And yes, moi, I have owned homes, vehicles (although never a passport) and I know just how hard it is to change all that sh*t. After all, I had to do it! It's part of d-i-v-o-r-c-e. That's where you let go, remember?

[moimeme]

F*ck no, that's HIS FAMILY'S name.

 

No. It's a name tens of thousands of people have. Now I'm another one of them.

 

it could be too that your exhusband doesn't like you keeping his name.

 

He doesn't care. He didn't care whether I used his name or not then and he doesn't now. He comprehends that it is just a name.

 

Is he remarried?

 

Yeah. To another guy. Neither of them took the other's name.

 

After all, I had to do it! It's part of d-i-v-o-r-c-e. That's where you let go, remember?

 

Tiki. I still wear the engagement ring. Not because I'm attached but because it's gorgeous and doesn't look like an engagement ring. I was never in love with him, scarcely ever think about him. The point is precisely that. He's not an issue because he's not even in my thoughts. The name is mine now, not his. Now if you have this big thing about names, that's ok and go ahead. I do not. I dont' think about him when I sign my name. I don't think about him when I look at the ring. I associate them with me alone, not with him.

 

I'm also one of those people who is fine with my bf or spouse keeping photos and mementoes of his exes and I'm guessing you're not.

 

So thanks for the implied remarks that I can't let go but there is nothing to let go of. Now toddle on and continue to harrass that poor woman if you like. I think it's petty.

[tiki]

Originally posted by moimeme

Now toddle on and continue to harrass that poor woman if you like. I think it's petty.

 

I hardly find her to be a harassed, poor woman. If anything, she owes us a favor.

 

And you obviously have NO idea. Surprise!

[savethedrama4allama]

Ladies, ladies.

 

I'm not a mother, but I have to chime in with this.

 

I'm divorced and I kept my husband's last name. Its a huge pain to change it back and I liked it better than my maiden one. It provides me anonymity from people that knew me in high school, etc. (If you knew what my life was like in high school, you'd understand!)

 

However, if I was ever to get pregnant now and not marry the father of the child, I would definitely change my name back to the maiden one and give the baby that. If I'm raising it with the help of MY family, it should have our family's name- not some guy I was previously married to. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I can pick my own name for ease and anonymity, but I'd give up those luxuries so the child had the name that I felt was "right."

 

Its true, no one owns a name. But this bothers Tiki personally, she has every right to that opinion and she's approached the ex wife in a polite manner. I can see both of your points of view, but as long as everyone involved is mature and respectful, I see nothing wrong with Tiki making her request.

[tiki]

It is a sensitive subject, sure.

 

He's the last one with this last name in the family line. Now there's someone else (that has no relation to him, who's mom was married to this man at one time) to carry on the name. It borders on disgusting for me and turns my stomach. My husband was literally sick to find this out. And he said that his deceased father and grandfather would be rolling over in their graves. They HATED her.

 

She's not normal. And a lot of people can vouch for that. I'm just glad that she knows it's the right thing to do. Even the psycho ex knows it's not right....hmmm, if that's not a sign, what is?

[tiki]

She told their daughter late last week that she was changing her name (and the child's name)back to her maiden name. She (thier daughter) casually mentioned it to us.

 

I've since talked to other people that cannot believe she'd do something like that. But the important thing is, she's making it better. My husband seems to be relieved.

 

The kid is like 1 or 1 1/2. He will have no recollection of this...which is a good thing.

 

Just wanted to give you guys an update.

[LILI68]

[font=arial][/font]Wow....the exact same thing's happening to me. Hubby's ex, who has since remarried & divorced to 2 other men, went back to his last name after her 3rd divorce. Supposedly, hubby called a lawyer who said tough. Now she has a kid from some guy who ran off, and she's giving it Hubby's last name. My bad is that Hubby won't do a damn thing about it. He can't honor me by at least picking up the phone to call her or a lawyer.