Michelle ma Belle Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 I personally have no problems with people dating that has big age gaps but I think it should start from a place of honesty. This is the only way they can have a chance at a wonderful relationship. Couldn't agree more. As I've said many times before, age (at least to ME) really is just a number BUT if you're starting off with a bold-faced lie (about anything for that matter), that isn't good. In fact, that's very, very bad. I'm all about honesty and keeping things real no matter the cost so my suggestion to you is IF you really think she's "the one" and not just some flavor of the month, bite the bullet and tell her the truth. And the sooner the better. Trust me on this one. Good luck!
JamesM Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Interesting. I just finished up school (again) at almost 40. Totally different career path, requires a professional license that I couldn't get with my BS. I didn't feel weird about it, and there were tons of people my age in the program. Or would it be better to just stay stuck professionally? Now, if he started school when he was 18 and is still there at 37....yeah, that could be a bit of a red flag. My comment was viewing this from the perspective of the 21 year old female. As older than 40, I can see how someone would return to school and further his or her career. A 21 yr old would be more inclined to wonder why someone that "old" is still in school and hasn't made his "millions."
StanMusial Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Just tell here the TRUTH ... if she really loves you' date='. i think she will understand[/quote'] I think the problem is, he had to lie to continue his pursuit. Might as well tell her you're a billionaire as well and a professional athlete, what the hell.
atlg8r Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 How is a 37 y/o in school with a 21 y/o? And how stupid is she that she couldn't tell the difference? I smell troll. 2
Author whatitdo Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 Ok hold on now.... Look I get it.... I know it was wrong..... And I was trying to deceive her. We were all in a study group and I felt like an old ass man cause everybody was younger. At that time I had no idea or intention.... Yes I thought she was cute..... But that's it. Since then I have tried numerous times to tell her but our lives have become so intertwined that it is difficult to erase her from part of my life.
MidwestUSA Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Ok hold on now.... Look I get it.... I know it was wrong..... And I was trying to deceive her. We were all in a study group and I felt like an old ass man cause everybody was younger. At that time I had no idea or intention.... Yes I thought she was cute..... But that's it. Since then I have tried numerous times to tell her but our lives have become so intertwined that it is difficult to erase her from part of my life. Define 'intertwined' and 'madly in love'. Are you dating and/or sleeping with her, or is this a one sided crush? You thought she was cute; what else does she offer? 1
Author whatitdo Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 You can smell troll all you want.... No troll true story. 1- I didn't just say oh I'm 25....we were all talking in a group getting to know each other and guessing each other's ages and somebody said I was 25.... So that's that. 2- I'm getting a second degree and masters. Already have two thank you very much and spent 10 years in the military 3- once we started hanging out I didn't not see it progressing. Without getting into too much detail she can't marry or date outside her culture. So I didn't worry about it. Then everything changed and I figured since she was going to the Middle East for the summer than that would be the perfect time for a clean break because she would be gone
MidwestUSA Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 So, she can't date outside her culture. You're not dating then, correct? Or, you're dating on the sly knowing it will end when she leaves? Does SHE know you're going to end it then? OR You're stringing her along? There's more wrong here than lying about your age.
ja123 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 ... I said 25 ... and well I'm actually 37.... OK. I want the name of your plastic surgeon!
Author whatitdo Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 To answer your question there is absolutely no sex going on. Not even close. Dinners movies, lunch, dates.... No sex. Didn't even kiss me until we had known each other almost 3 months. And she kissed me not the other way around. The feelings are mutual on both sides.... No surgery I just work out and take care of myself.... And last but not least I told her this morning after reading all your posts.... For now all is well. She was shocked.... But said she still loves me and that although age is important it isn't the most important thing. The most important thing is how we feel about each other
GorillaTheater Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 She gave you a strike? That's decent of her; I like happy endings. Don't plan on getting past a second strike, though. Don't lie to her again, about anything. 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Don't say anything. The next time she asks you how old you are, just say your real age. If she says "I thought you said you were 25". Just act like you never said it. "Hmmm...I never said that" then subtely change the topic to something more important so she doesn't suspect. Or play it off like... "Wait.. You seriously thought I was 25?! Omg! That's funny. I was being sarcaaaaastic, dear! I'm a bit older than that. Didn't I tell you?!" It's not the most honest way to come clean, but it might work!
HappyLove Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 To answer your question there is absolutely no sex going on. Not even close. Dinners movies, lunch, dates.... No sex. Didn't even kiss me until we had known each other almost 3 months. And she kissed me not the other way around. The feelings are mutual on both sides.... No surgery I just work out and take care of myself.... And last but not least I told her this morning after reading all your posts.... For now all is well. She was shocked.... But said she still loves me and that although age is important it isn't the most important thing. The most important thing is how we feel about each other You are VERY lucky (that she's so young and dumb). That is a HUGE lie you're lucky that she forgives you! Hope you're not lying about anything else to the youngin. At least you had the courage to man up and tell her. 1
mtber75 Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Don't tell her, just keep the secret for now. The relationship won't last long unfortunately because of the age difference so enjoy it while you have it. ^^^true for the most part! She's going to find out sooner or later! 1
kaylan Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 (edited) Well good luck OP. Id worry about her supposed inability to settle down outside of her culture. And damn, 3 months and no sexual contact whatsoever? Oh boy.I've lost count of the people who have passed up wonderful relationships because they get hung up on the age thing. Just keep quiet. There's no reason she has to know you're really that old. I know right...why should someone whos in the fun spice of life phase of their adulthood be put off by dating someone whos likely trying to settle down soon. Thats generally why young folks are put off by seriously dating someone much older than them. If it was just a casual relationship, thats one thing. But this 21 year old girl fell in love with a dude who is almost 40. While Im fairly certain she wouldnt be scared about the future if her bf was really 25, 21 yr olds usually get cold feet and get scares about having too settle down soon or slow her social life up because of his age. These are the things many young people think about when considering a serious relationship with someone older.Sounds like a troll to me... Considering the join date, Im not sure. I dont think so considering the OPs posting history. Seems legit to me.Seriously. What girl can't tell the difference between 25 and 37? This too lolz. Unless OP has seriously good genetics. In which case Id like to steal some of his life force through the use of sorcery xD Edited April 15, 2014 by kaylan
Valen Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Seriously. What girl can't tell the difference between 25 and 37? Think Andrew Garfield in Amazing Spiderman, he plays a highschool kid and looks the part but he's 30. Some people just looks very young.
lollipopspot Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 (edited) 1- I didn't just say oh I'm 25....we were all talking in a group getting to know each other and guessing each other's ages and somebody said I was 25.... So that's that. I can understand how this happened. You didn't want to correct the person in front of the group, so just let it slide. And then it was out there, and became awkward to correct the error to an individual, especially if they didn't ask. I think that's a little different than if you were hanging out with her and she outright asked you your age and you lied (I hope you didn't do that). OK. I want the name of your plastic surgeon! People really can look that much younger. I apparently look younger than my real age. I have had a pharmacist ask me to restate my birth date because he thought there must be a mistake and I didn't look as old as my real birth date. I have been in a situation like the OP describes above where someone decided to guess my age and it was so awkward or embarrassing to correct them for whatever reason I just let it slide. I didn't confirm what they said, I just moved on from the conversation. Edited April 15, 2014 by lollipopspot
kaylan Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 (edited) Think Andrew Garfield in Amazing Spiderman, he plays a highschool kid and looks the part but he's 30. Some people just looks very young. Lol no, he definitely looks like his in his late 20s or early 30s. He didnt nor did Toby McGuire ever look like high school kids in those movies. Same for Emma Stone. Edited April 15, 2014 by kaylan
StanMusial Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 There is another factor to consider as well when gauging someone's age. You said she was a foreigner right? I was talking to this Chinese lady at work recently and she thought I was in my 20's. No, I'm 38. For all I know we all look the same to them LOL. She also thought I was younger than my coworker, who is 26 but unfortunately balding. Luckily he had already left the room before she said that. My gf has said before that I look a lot younger than my older brother - that's probably because he's married with kids and I don't have either on my resume. I don't think any of this is outside the realm of possibility by any stretch.
FitChick Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 The age gap might work in your favor with her parents. Middle Eastern cultures seem to marry off their daughters to much older men.
InnocentMan Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 The age gap might work in your favor with her parents. Middle Eastern cultures seem to marry off their daughters to much older men. Yeah, dudes with jobs. This scoundrel is back at school hitting on women almost half his age. This is frowned upon in most cultures, Middle Eastern included. It's completely acceptable in the bro community though.
Author whatitdo Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 Rereading all your posts, some of you make me laugh.... Acceptable in bro community (really)? Btw I am black. No sex for three months.... And it is not even an issue. We don't talk about it and we don't worry about it. I enjoy being around her for who she is. How is it we have changed so much in society but replicate behaviors? I'm not an a--hole just trying to date girls almost half my age. I've been in college 6 years almost and have not dated one girl cause of their age. So nice assumption there. I hold myself to a very high standard. I mentor at risk youth at 3 different elementary schools, etc. Meeting her and the emotions that developed were not planned or on purpose. In fact I am not the feelings type. She is smart, we laugh together constantly, good hearted, family oriented, I get lost in her eyes every time I see her.... My intentions with her aren't bad..... A situation arose that I could of pressed on and I didn't because I know she wants to wait till marriage. I'm not some back to school pediphile... My ex is 2 years older than me. I just happen to meet a girl who blew my mind. Deep down I know there would be issues.... But right now we are both happy..... And isn't that what life is about?
RonaldS Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Rereading all your posts, some of you make me laugh.... Acceptable in bro community (really)? Btw I am black. No sex for three months.... And it is not even an issue. We don't talk about it and we don't worry about it. I enjoy being around her for who she is. How is it we have changed so much in society but replicate behaviors? I'm not an a--hole just trying to date girls almost half my age. I've been in college 6 years almost and have not dated one girl cause of their age. So nice assumption there. I hold myself to a very high standard. I mentor at risk youth at 3 different elementary schools, etc. Meeting her and the emotions that developed were not planned or on purpose. In fact I am not the feelings type. She is smart, we laugh together constantly, good hearted, family oriented, I get lost in her eyes every time I see her.... My intentions with her aren't bad..... A situation arose that I could of pressed on and I didn't because I know she wants to wait till marriage. I'm not some back to school pediphile... My ex is 2 years older than me. I just happen to meet a girl who blew my mind. Deep down I know there would be issues.... But right now we are both happy..... And isn't that what life is about? Ahhhh....no wonder she didn't know you were 37. Black don't crack! And to the bro community comment....yeah, pretty dumb. When I was back in school, I still made more money than anybody in my classes, including the professors.
David87 Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Let this be a lesson for you and never lie about your age again in the future. A coupe of days someone started a thread asking when it's ok to lie and I guess your thread answered that question... NEVER.
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