OLD: how do i get them to respond?

[Targetlock]

my average message format:

 

Hi

 

I saw your profile and just had to say Hi, I'm Felix a self described old-fashioned romantic geek i believe i have a real sense of fun and i am in need of a new adventure, I love a good laugh so if you are up for a chat and maybe more drop a line. i look forward to hearing from you!

 

Felix

 

 

I usually tweak it a little and try and talk about something that I liked in their profile description or something. these like my description are very awkward to write especially after writing so many.

[kodakgirl]

my average message format:

 

Hi

 

I saw your profile and just had to say Hi, I'm Felix a self described old-fashioned romantic geek i believe i have a real sense of fun and i am in need of a new adventure, I love a good laugh so if you are up for a chat and maybe more drop a line. i look forward to hearing from you!

 

Felix

 

 

I usually tweak it a little and try and talk about something that I liked in their profile description or something. these like my description are very awkward to write especially after writing so many.

 

Ahh, so you're the type of guy who writes a message like this! Genuine question: why? Why do you describe yourself in your message when your profile is right there? I've never understood.

 

So, well, unless you feel you have a reallllllly good reason, don't do that. First off, it betrays your utter lack of faith that I would even click your profile. I find that kind of insulting, so now I won't. Second the descriptors are all cliches-- if you are going to talk about yourself, do it with personality and a sense of humour. Use details. (this goes for your profile as well. a couple little personal details-- even something as inconsequential as a mention of your fondness for Skittles-- rounds you out and makes you look like an actual individual, and one who doesn't take himself too seriously. It doesn't even really matter what they are. Just a couple little things that describe YOU and not other guys like you). Third, it sounds copy-and-paste. Unless you'd added in some really specific things you saw and liked in my profile, I'll assume it is and either you didn't read my profile or only barely. You said above you do only write the ones who have something "extra," but this message gives the impression you write everybody. You're not even fishing, you're just tossing the bait in the water and seeing if anything leaps out.

 

Your first message is not about you. It is about her and why you wanted to write her and why you'd like to hear from her (though without saying those latter two things explicitly). If you relate to something about her, you can mention that but only one thing and only something specific (say, she likes travel and you say you just got back from Paris).

 

A good basic template is-- a genuine comment/compliment on something in her profile that stood out to you, a way you relate to that, and a question or two (on that same thing or something else). The more unique the thing is the better-- I mentioned travel but that's not an ideal one, everyone uses travel. Her job/area of study isn't the best either-- if you do think it's really cool, cool, go with that! but a lot of other people probably will too. I personally don't exclude anyone just because they used travel or my (really interesting) area of study as a conversation starter, but I pay more attention when they pick up on my minor comment on how I'd love to ride in a biplane.

 

The great thing about this approach too-- it's kind of fun. This is how I do my messages. I try and find a small detail to go off of, and it's fun to look for just the right thing. You often notice little things you wouldn't have otherwise.

 

This isn't necessarily going to be a message that will wow her, but all it doesn't need to. All it needs to do is get her to look at your profile, and provide a basis for her response if she wants to respond. She may or may not like you, but you want her to at least consider whether or not she does.

 

As I said this is how I write my messages. And I'm sure some fellows here will say "oh, as a woman your message doesn't even matter!" but I've had other fellows who I've written be thrilled I said more than "hi" or "what's your favourite colour" and actually thank me for it. And a lot of fellows I write just flat-out don't reply (they always check out my profile though). Occasionally I get a reply that's clearly just being nice; occasionally a "thank you, I appreciate it but I'm just getting into a relationship." But sometimes I get a guy who is just thrilled to hear from me, who clearly goes and looks at my profile and feels interested back, and we end up meeting and sometimes that meet goes amazing and so on and so on. I understand OLD works differently for guys so your proportions of these responses might vary, but you're probably still going to get all of them at points if you keep trying. And you only need ONE of the last one.

Edited April 19, 2014 by kodakgirl

[irc333]

So, well, unless you feel you have a reallllllly good reason, don't do that. First off, it betrays your utter lack of faith that I would even click your profile. I find that kind of insulting.

 

If you find such things insulting/offensive, then it's really a character flaw on your part that you need to get over. To simply dismiss a guy based on this is quite silly.

 

Anyhow, believe you me I have tailored quite a few emails to women to reflect what I read in THEIR profile only to never get a response. Even the most obscure references would be noted so that way it's personalized...but...most times...no response. I'm sure their eyes scan for height or occupation most times to see if they have something going for them in that department. Kind of like a resume scanner machine for job resumes/applications. They look for certain keywords in the body...it doesn't read the whole body.

Edited April 20, 2014 by irc333

[Yur]

Kodakgirl is right though, as a male, the times I've received that type of message, it doesn't make me feel like I was even someone she wanted to talk to because she liked me. Tailored messages have to help, it won't guarantee, but I refuse to believe it doesn't help.

[hasaquestion]

Targetlock why not this?

 

Hi, I'm Felix. I work as a care worker with the elderly, and I'm also a sculptor.

 

The world and its cultures fascinate me - the literature, the cinema, the history, and the art. I immerse myself in that whenever I can, reading, painting, travelling. I've even started playing the guitar.

 

Less is more.

[Targetlock]

not bad Hasaquestion but I get the feeling it might be to a little too less if you get what I mean. these things are such a pain along with messages, trying work out what i should put and how i should do it or what might work, or how could best put myself across, like some kind of used car advert or something.

[kodakgirl]

If you find such things insulting/offensive, then it's really a character flaw on your part that you need to get over. To simply dismiss a guy based on this is quite silly.

 

I disagree. Yes, I am overexaggerating for effect-- I am not genuinely insulted. And I'm not necessarily going to toss the email juuuuuuust for that. I'm pointing out how this can be perceived, to help out people who genuinely don't understand where their messages go wrong.

 

Anyhow, believe you me I have tailored quite a few emails to women to reflect what I read in THEIR profile only to never get a response. Even the most obscure references would be noted so that way it's personalized...but...most times...no response. I'm sure their eyes scan for height or occupation most times to see if they have something going for them in that department. Kind of like a resume scanner machine for job resumes/applications. They look for certain keywords in the body...it doesn't read the whole body.

 

Guess what? Me too. I get a lot of non-responses. I'm not saying writing a personalized message is going to guarantee a response, or that a non-personalized message is never ever going to get a response. I personally may or may not respond to a personalized message; I absolutely won't respond to a non-personalized one. Yes, I am not all women, but this is something I've heard from a lot of women AND men (men who aren't on this site; their experiences don't mirror those I hear here, at all). I'd personally rather take a 1 in 10 chance than a 1 in 150 chance.

 

I don't really understand why you're rejecting my advice. I know OLD is hard and there isn't much good advice out there, so I try to help from my perspective as a real live woman who takes OLD seriously. I'm the kind a lot of men here are looking for--attractive, sweet, intelligent, interesting. I don't filter for height or income or car ownership. I read all my messages and I look at all the profiles of men who write personalized ones. I genuinely want to find someone without feeling desperate about it. I've never gone on a bad date with a fellow I met online. I might not float your boat personally but I'm the type you're looking for. Yes, some women are flaky or superficial, but why would you want to get those ones anyway? So I come here trying to give genuine advice on the things that appeal to women like me, and my advice gets thrown away.

 

Targetlock, am I helping you at all? Or anyone else reading this? Are you interested in my help? If yes, I am happy to help, regardless of other posters; if no, please let me know, I do have a lot of other things to do.

[normal person]

Kodakgirl, you gave good advice. I think what some people need to understand is that OLD is a bit like poker -- you can do everything right and still not win. People will have the best luck if they do a few things to tilt the odds in their favor, control what they can control, and be accepting of the things they can't.

[Targetlock]

yeah it does feel like that sometimes, I can't remember how many times I've changed my profile around, my photos or changing my messaging style but yeah just like poker, sometimes you get lucky over times you don't. there is no auto-success I guess went it comes to the ways of romance and OLD.

[Targetlock]

Well this thread has encouraged me to start messaging again wish me luck and I will keep you informed what happens!

[Targetlock]

Well I've so far not getting much luck with the messages i sent out, but i'm actually going to getting out and going to a nearby singles night wish me luck and i will tell what happens!!