liza27 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 boyfriend 'forgot' one year anniversary?to be honest, i didnt celebrate this with any other boyfriend. but for this guy, i booked a holiday to tunisia for this occasion, as we have progressed very far in one year, we have a house together, he's even spoken about marriage before now. i know anniversaries are more for married couples, but we live as if we are married, i go out of my way for him every single day to make him happy, make sure he's fed, has clean clothes, beer, you name it. i even took him in when he had nowhere to live four months into the relationship. im not materialistic, but i feel hurt that he couldnt just get a card or some flowers or just SOME little token. i really want to shake this feeling off, but i cant seem to. can someone give me some advice please? i dont want to stay mad at him. i notice he has multiple private messages from girls on facebook, and i noticed he was checking out some girl on there as it was in the internet history, and ive seen her name a few times before.is thismaybe why he didnt bother? it was the same story on my birthday a few months ago. am i being an idiot being angry?
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I can understand your disappointment but men don't think the way women do. You are mad but part of it is your fault because you expected him to read your mind. You should have communicated your expectations to him before the fact. 1
TXGuy Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 This was the one year anniversary of 'what' with your boyfriend? Of first meeting? Of the first date? Of the first kiss? Of the first time you had sex? Of the day you became 'official'? I know many women keep track of things like that, but not many men do. He should keep track of Christmas (or your equivalent), birthday, Valentines Day (if your country has that), and marriage anniversaries. Anything beyond that is asking a bit much. 3
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I know many women keep track of things like that, but not many men do. He should keep track of Christmas (or your equivalent), birthday, Valentines Day (if your country has that), and marriage anniversaries. Anything beyond that is asking a bit much. I disagree. If a woman ASKS a man to keep track of a specific date, I think it's nice if he honors her wishes. Similarly if the man wants a particular date noted I would do that. For example, at my request DH & I celebrate the anniversary of our 1st date & the anniversary of our engagement. Without both of those we wouldn't have a wedding date. I don't expect gifts but I do expect that he acknowledge the day. At this point it's kind of an inside joke. We have Mexican food for the anniversary of the 1st date because he took me to a Mexican restaurant. However getting mad because a guy didn't remember a date you didn't clue him in was important, that's unfair.
Omei Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 But has she asked? I dont get why people keep track of the day they started dating we have holiday after holiday isn't that enough, marriage I get. I roll my eyes when people do 1/2/3/4 months dating anniversaries grats on knowing how to get to know someone? :-S
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 But has she asked? I dont get why people keep track of the day they started dating we have holiday after holiday isn't that enough, marriage I get. I roll my eyes when people do 1/2/3/4 months dating anniversaries grats on knowing how to get to know someone? :-S I don't believe the OP asked. That was my point to her -- she failed to communicate her expectations. I never celebrated a dating anniversary with anybody other than DH. Until I became a member of OL forums I never even knew it was a thing. So when our 1 year dating anniversary came around I told him I'd like to celebrate it. So we did. Similarly, celebrating our engagement anniversary just became a thing. In fact for our 5th e-versary DH took me on the cruise where he proposed & got reservations for the same table in the specialty restaurant. Clearly we aren't doing that every year but it was so wonderful that he remembered. In a good healthy relationship both parties communicate their expectations. When I 1st started this, DH thought I was a bit loopy but he did it because he loved me. Now he realizes that it's part of nurturing our marriage.
clia Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 boyfriend 'forgot' one year anniversary?to be honest, i didnt celebrate this with any other boyfriend. but for this guy, i booked a holiday to tunisia for this occasion, as we have progressed very far in one year, we have a house together, he's even spoken about marriage before now. im not materialistic, but i feel hurt that he couldnt just get a card or some flowers or just SOME little token. i really want to shake this feeling off, but i cant seem to. can someone give me some advice please? i dont want to stay mad at him. i notice he has multiple private messages from girls on facebook, and i noticed he was checking out some girl on there as it was in the internet history, and ive seen her name a few times before.is thismaybe why he didnt bother? it was the same story on my birthday a few months ago. am i being an idiot being angry? So, he "forgot" your anniversary, "forgot" your birthday, and is private messaging with other women on Facebook. Are you sure he's your boyfriend? Yes, I would be angry. I would also dump him and move on.
MidwestUSA Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 If the guy was aware of the trip to Tunisia, he should have had a clue something was up. Or was it to be a surprise? This oversight would seem to be the least of your problems, however. 1
Gaeta Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 You have 2 separate issues here. The one about your 1st year anniversary is a communication issue. If for you it's important to celebrate these types of things then you have to speak up before they arrive. I remember after dating a few month I asked my bf if he remembered what day we met, he answered no, he doesn't keep track of these things. I asked how long we had been dating, he said he did not know, it did not matter to him. So I told him we met July 31st that's our date. He started laughing and said ok anything else he needed to know? and I said yes, the 3rd song on that CD is our song....he went really we have a song lol? I said YEP! Simple as that! The following weekend we had a dinner at my brother, my brother asked him how long we'd been dating and my bf quickly answered : We met July 31st so that's 5 month lol, That's a man that's been briefed by his girlfriend i notice he has multiple private messages from girls on facebook, and i noticed he was checking out some girl on there as it was in the internet history, and ive seen her name a few times before.is thismaybe why he didnt bother? it was the same story on my birthday a few months ago. Here is your REAL problem. Doesn't sound like your boyfriend is committed to this relationship as much as you are. Letting a man move in with you after 4 months dating was a huge mistake. Yes he was in trouble but he's a man and you should have let him find solutions to his problems instead of being a mother to him. Remember, men don't want to have sex with their moms. So you want to talk about the real problem?
Author liza27 Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 If the guy was aware of the trip to Tunisia, he should have had a clue something was up. Or was it to be a surprise? This oversight would seem to be the least of your problems, however. yes! one person noticed - yes he did know it was important to me as i said about the holiday to him beforehand. and the reason i arramged the holiday was because he implied to.me numerous times that it was something to celebrate and equally importamt to him. the issue on hpliday was that he wanted to bethere but begrudged spending any money, despite the fact he earns double what i earn and we split all bills equally at home. i dont know what is going on. maybe i expect too much.
Gaeta Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 yes! one person noticed - yes he did know it was important to me as i said about the holiday to him beforehand. and the reason i arramged the holiday was because he implied to.me numerous times that it was something to celebrate and equally importamt to him. the issue on hpliday was that he wanted to bethere but begrudged spending any money, despite the fact he earns double what i earn and we split all bills equally at home. i dont know what is going on. maybe i expect too much. I am sorry but it's the opposite, you do not expect enough. First bills should be split in % of your revenues, not in half. If his part represents 25% of his revenue and your part represent 75% of your revenue where is the fairness here? You're in a committed relationship and his FB activities are suspicious. You took him in when he had nothing, how did he repay you for that? He shows his gratitude by ignoring your birthday, and bailing out of plans together by complaining of money. He's the last person who should be complaining about money he's taking advantage of you.
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