Candy_Pants Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I've noticed that some people have A LOT of deal breakers. Mustache? Deal breaker. Weird laugh? Deal breaker. Close relationship with mother? Deal breaker. No relationship with mother? Deal breaker. Farts? Deal breaker. Obviously I'm having fun with some of these. But for those with lots of deal breakers there's no joking, or leeway. I've also noticed the people with many deal breakers tend to be perpetually single. There's nothing wrong with standards. Everyone should have some. But do you think some singletons would benefit from having some "soft" NO, instead of so many "hard" NO's?
topaMAXX Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I've noticed that some people have A LOT of deal breakers. Mustache? Deal breaker. Weird laugh? Deal breaker. Close relationship with mother? Deal breaker. No relationship with mother? Deal breaker. Farts? Deal breaker. Obviously I'm having fun with some of these. But for those with lots of deal breakers there's no joking, or leeway. I've also noticed the people with many deal breakers tend to be perpetually single. There's nothing wrong with standards. Everyone should have some. But do you think some singletons would benefit from having some "soft" NO, instead of so many "hard" NO's? I know many women that have lists like this. They usually just do OLD and find what they're looking for.
Author Candy_Pants Posted April 14, 2014 Author Posted April 14, 2014 I know many women that have lists like this. They usually just do OLD and find what they're looking for. Really? So all the posts on here criticizing OLD profiles for these rigid deal breakers are--- incorrect?
topaMAXX Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 Really? So all the posts on here criticizing OLD profiles for these rigid deal breakers are--- incorrect? In my real life experience, yes. This is only true for women though. Men have to take what they can get. I can't speak for the observations and experiences of others though.
Smilecharmer Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I've noticed that some people have A LOT of deal breakers. Mustache? Deal breaker. Weird laugh? Deal breaker. Close relationship with mother? Deal breaker. No relationship with mother? Deal breaker. Farts? Deal breaker. Obviously I'm having fun with some of these. But for those with lots of deal breakers there's no joking, or leeway. I've also noticed the people with many deal breakers tend to be perpetually single. There's nothing wrong with standards. Everyone should have some. But do you think some singletons would benefit from having some "soft" NO, instead of so many "hard" NO's? I think deal breakers really should reflect something you cannot live with like smoking or small children or polyamory.....not mustaches or back hair or shortness. I had high standards but they were always about things like honesty, fidelity and healthiness. I never did OLD but I have friends who say it is ridiculous some of the deal breakers listed such as must watch The Walking Dead or have big breasts. 3
salparadise Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 The truth is that everyone has their list of deal breakers, and the vast majority of the opposite sex violate one or more. That's why it's so damn hard to find someone to love. But the difference is that for most people it's just built into the attractiveness/appropriateness factor and not tattooed on the inside of their eyelids. People who are negatively focused on a list of deal breakers, especially when they're rigid and superficial, are just using it as a defense mechanism to avoid even the potential of finding someone who might trigger their fear of vulnerability. They're choosing to live a half-life of relative comfort rather than being open to love, living fully and risking a broken heart. 2
gaius Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 There's a lot of societal pressure for everyone to be dating or have a partner. A lot of people don't want that, so to save face they pretend they can't find someone who meets their standards. I don't even know if they consciously realize what's going on in their head a lot of times. 3
iris219 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 No, I don't think so. Knowing what you want and don't want is actually conducive to finding the right relationship. I had almost no deal breakers at one point and it was a disaster. I finally decided to stop going on dates with people who had nothing going for them; that's when I met my current FI, which might not have happened if I was dating someone completely wrong for me.
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I think too many superficial deal breakers is a problem Genuine deal breakers show that you have standards / boundaries. For example drugs are a deal breaker for me. I've become somewhat more liberal in middle age & will overlook experimentation with weed in high school or college but would never date an active current user. While I always prefered men with short hair, no piercings & no tatoos they weren't deal breakers. 1
cocorico Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 I've noticed that some people have A LOT of deal breakers. Mustache? Deal breaker. Weird laugh? Deal breaker. Close relationship with mother? Deal breaker. No relationship with mother? Deal breaker. Farts? Deal breaker. Obviously I'm having fun with some of these. But for those with lots of deal breakers there's no joking, or leeway. I've also noticed the people with many deal breakers tend to be perpetually single. There's nothing wrong with standards. Everyone should have some. But do you think some singletons would benefit from having some "soft" NO, instead of so many "hard" NO's? I had loads of dealbreakers, and I was single for years out of choice. I would far rather be alone than be stuck with someone substandard. I filled the single years with fun, activity, friends, family, work, success, and NSA sex, a lifestyle that suited me really well and which I was willing to give up only for someone who was truly worth it - who ticked every box on my checklist and then some. No dealbreakers whatsoever. And it was well worth it. If something matters to you - really matters - then don't compromise. 1
shet Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 OLD is an arena designed to bring out the idiot anal retentive in people. You're asked to consider what you want to see in someone and go look for it from a menu, like looking for that bunch of totally unbruised unblemished bananas at the supermarket when you know perfectly well they all taste good and the imperfections are only skin deep, but you'll damn well pick the perfect looking ones anyway because they're all there in front of you. It utterly lacks any real world quality. You will never be surprised by that sense of warmth that grows from real world interactions. The people you might get that with, you might not even look at via OLD - too fat/thin, too old/young, untravelled, likes a drink, doesn't watch TV, does watch TV, doesn't work out, works out too much, whatever unimportant niggle.
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