My LDR bf is ''struggling"?

[grapeseed]

I couldn't remember my old ID, so I registered a new one. I want to share my story and ask for your opinions.

I was in a very beautiful relationship, my bf was very protective and loving. We met in a foreign country, lived with each other for 6 months. We went along so well, had all the beautiful memories together, and the most important thing was we accepted each other (my bf was very extrovert, talkative and quite selfish and tight with his money while I'm introvert, loved spending, and like to give). We were good until I came back to my country, and he returned to his.

I cheated on him. It was a shame, but I did, and I told him everything. I got a huge crush with the new guy and I just didn't want to come back. After a lot of begging, he gave up and he moved to another country to work as English teacher, and to ''experience''.

After a while, I remembered all our memories, I missed him, and the new guy (very loving, sweet and tolerant) could not make me forget my ex. So, I talked to my ex on phone, and we decided to give each other the second chance. We were always meant to be together, and we were happy that we could even survive affair.

But...the new work schedule made my ex so tired. Although I tried to talk to him, shared with him my daily life stories, he was disinterested. He just said he was tired, so he couldn't pay attention to me, and I should stop being paranoid.

I knew more than that, I knew him so well that I understood there's something going on. But everytime I tried talking to him about it, he just being like "I'm going to bed now. Don't put those craps on me". Until...

He told me that he was struggling because we weren't together anymore, he wanted to be happy without me, he wanted to date more, and he wanted to experience things to realize that he really wanted to be with me. In other words, he wanted to live a crazy life, dated girls, but he wasn't ready to let me go. And he didn't want to feel like cheating.

 

I didn't blame him at all, I was the one who caused that trouble. And I was his first serious gf. I dated a lot before, and all my ex-bfs adored me. I am more mature than him, and I understand his desire to live and experience life, esp when you''re in a crazy busy foreign country. So I suggested that I would give him 3 months of no contact, so he could do whatever he want, date whichever hot chicks he could date. I asked him, after done with those things, just email me after 3 months to tell me his decision.

And he didn't agree, he said no contact would put the end to our relationship. He asked me to be friend for a year (till he come back), then he would be able to make up his mind then. I couldn't agree, I think 3 month is enough. I mean, it wasn't fair to keep me as a spare part for the whole year - you love someone properly, or you have to let them go.

He kept telling me I gotta understand him, but I really don't know how I should understand it.

[soccerrprp]

This relationship will not work! You offered to allow him to go and sleep around for 3-months...no self-respecting person would do this. You are not mentally healthy for a relationship with him and he's not in love with you.

 

IT IS OBVIOUS IN SO MANY WAYS THAT YOU WERE NOT "MEANT" TO BE TOGETHER. He didn't even want that...

[d0nnivain]

Unless you two can find a way to be in the same place, I don't see a future. The trust is gone.

 

 

You were together because you were in the same place. Once the geography changed, it became too much effort for you to stay true.

 

 

Accept that this has run it's course & move on.

[LoyalTJ]

I couldn't remember my old ID, so I registered a new one. I want to share my story and ask for your opinions.

I was in a very beautiful relationship, my bf was very protective and loving. We met in a foreign country, lived with each other for 6 months. We went along so well, had all the beautiful memories together, and the most important thing was we accepted each other (my bf was very extrovert, talkative and quite selfish and tight with his money while I'm introvert, loved spending, and like to give). We were good until I came back to my country, and he returned to his.

I cheated on him. It was a shame, but I did, and I told him everything. I got a huge crush with the new guy and I just didn't want to come back. After a lot of begging, he gave up and he moved to another country to work as English teacher, and to ''experience''.

After a while, I remembered all our memories, I missed him, and the new guy (very loving, sweet and tolerant) could not make me forget my ex. So, I talked to my ex on phone, and we decided to give each other the second chance. We were always meant to be together, and we were happy that we could even survive affair.

But...the new work schedule made my ex so tired. Although I tried to talk to him, shared with him my daily life stories, he was disinterested. He just said he was tired, so he couldn't pay attention to me, and I should stop being paranoid.

I knew more than that, I knew him so well that I understood there's something going on. But everytime I tried talking to him about it, he just being like "I'm going to bed now. Don't put those craps on me". Until...

He told me that he was struggling because we weren't together anymore, he wanted to be happy without me, he wanted to date more, and he wanted to experience things to realize that he really wanted to be with me. In other words, he wanted to live a crazy life, dated girls, but he wasn't ready to let me go. And he didn't want to feel like cheating.

 

I didn't blame him at all, I was the one who caused that trouble. And I was his first serious gf. I dated a lot before, and all my ex-bfs adored me. I am more mature than him, and I understand his desire to live and experience life, esp when you''re in a crazy busy foreign country. So I suggested that I would give him 3 months of no contact, so he could do whatever he want, date whichever hot chicks he could date. I asked him, after done with those things, just email me after 3 months to tell me his decision.

And he didn't agree, he said no contact would put the end to our relationship. He asked me to be friend for a year (till he come back), then he would be able to make up his mind then. I couldn't agree, I think 3 month is enough. I mean, it wasn't fair to keep me as a spare part for the whole year - you love someone properly, or you have to let them go.

He kept telling me I gotta understand him, but I really don't know how I should understand it.

 

I'm in a similar situation. Unfortunately it was only 2 weeks for us. She decided that she didn't want to be alone, while I'm not there...so now another man is taking her out and trying to fill the void, that she claimed to have...as a man, I've grown to be patient. If I love someone..really love someone, I couldn't possible suggest sleeping with other people until we could be together again. Friends are good to have when you're missing someone. If he really loved you, he'd make the choice to be with you sooner than later. Maybe he's hurt and never forgot that you cheated...

[HeavenOrHell]

He doesn't owe you anything, you cheated on him, why would he want to be with you after that? You don't sound very mature IMO. Let him go, leave him in peace.

 

Me and my partner have been long distance for 4 years, we wouldn't dream of cheating just to fill a 'void', our r/ship may not last as we're not closing the distance and it's hard to sustain long distance forever if you're only seeing each other every few weeks, but no matter how hard things have got with us, or might get, cheating won't come into it, we'd do the decent thing and split before it came to that.

Edited April 14, 2014 by HeavenOrHell

[grapeseed]

He doesn't owe you anything, you cheated on him, why would he want to be with you after that? You don't sound very mature IMO. Let him go, leave him in peace.

 

Me and my partner have been long distance for 4 years, we wouldn't dream of cheating just to fill a 'void', our r/ship may not last as we're not closing the distance and it's hard to sustain long distance forever if you're only seeing each other every few weeks, but no matter how hard things have got with us, or might get, cheating won't come into it, we'd do the decent thing and split before it came to that.

Let him go? I'm not the one trying to keep him no matter what. As I said, all I asked him was telling me what he wanted to do with the relationship. The problem is my boy couldn't decide what he wants. He wants to enjoy life, he is also afraid that he may not find a compatible one as we were.

I cheated, it was a shame, i cant turn back time though. Maybe, like someone said, he never forgive me (he did say that the trust has been lost and I had to build it again). But he forgave, and I feel like I owe him, that's why I'm trying to make things work if he still wants to. That's why I just can't quit when my boy doesn't tell me to.

For my offer, I guess we just weren't on the same page, you think it was horrible and sick idea. I think he need space to realize what he want. If he found new love, and decided to tell me, it would be better for us than just waiting and torturing each other.

[justwhoiam]

If you really love him, you can wait and abide by his rules.

Is he the man of your life, or just one of the many boyfriends?

Think about it and then make up your mind.