Long Distance Relationship Failing... what can i do??

[qwasdzxcv]

My boyfriend and I are in a long distance relationship, we're both high school students and we're each others first love but lately everything we're saying have been repetitive, saying the same thing over and over again. I've thought of many ideas but none of them seems to work out for us. He already knows everything about me. Like he said 'he can read me like pages off a book'.

 

So without any ideas left he suggested in taking a break. I've tried my hardest to think of ways where taking a break is not needed, I'm just afraid that his feelings for me will fade. Because it had disappeared before we were together. I love him so so much and can't seem to let him go. He says he'll still love me... but i don't know if he'll love me as a friend now or something more. Does taking a break mean we're actually broken up?? cause he answered "Mmmm..." when i asked him. What does the ellipses in the end mean?? or does it mean anything?

 

Now that we're in a break, everything seems completely different. He says we'll still talk and skype each other to watch dramas but his answers now are so one worded and it's so vague that I don't how to answer back and after that we just stop our conversations.... and a couple hours later I'm the one to start it again.

 

We haven't been on a break for a long time but I already miss him so much. I miss his goodnights, his kisses and all the cute nicknames he gave me. I'm so curious if he feels the same way... if it hurts as much as it's hurting me. I don't understand how he can say all those heart felt words to me, like 'I love you too much to ever let you go', and 'I need you in my life' and then just turn away from them.

 

He always kept saying that I was out of his league and that I deserve a way better guy... but the thing is that I don't care that he's not the best fit for me. To be honest he's the one who deserves someone as smart as him. Now that we're on a break he's encouraging me to look and try to find someone else who's better for me, and that he would look else where too. I keep feeling that he's the one who wants the break because he's tired of me, but he says that's not it. If our break is to look at other people and see if we were meant to be, are we able to ever get back together? and also how are we suppose to know if we want to get back together?

 

He thinks that right now is not the best time for us to be together, and that to try after college. But that's so far away, especially because of his major. What if our feelings are no longer the same towards each other then?

 

We promised each other to stay together forever, but now I don't know if that can stand. I'm so confused and I have no idea what to do cause neither him or I had have any experience in dating. Please someone, help us out. Give me your thoughts. What can we talk about now that we know everything about each other??

Edited April 13, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Move to LDR and add paragraphs

[ExpatInItaly]

I know it's painful, but you're incredibly young to be promising yourselves to be together forever. The reality is generally that your first relationship is usually but one of many you will have in your life. It's not wise to put all your eggs in one basket when you've barely experienced adult life yet. I don't doubt you have strong feelings for him, but it's not healthy for you to become so attached at this age.

 

I think it's over, OP. It seems he's telling you this a break to avoid hurting you any further, but it sounds as though he wants to end this relationship. He's actually told you to find someone else and that he wants to do the same. I would listen to him.

 

If you don't mind me asking...have you ever met him in person?

[LustAppeal]

Every relationship starts to get repetitive and this normally kicks in after several months to a year. Unfortunately with long distance dating and without the whole physical intimacy side of things the relationship dulls fairly fast, texts become more of a chore, phone calls become shorter and aside from how the day went topics are repetitive, and yes skype is the same way, visual and verbal emotions will only last so long. The truly happy long distance partners will do everything in their power to see each other as often as possible and not spend so much time with the verbal communication side of things.

Another unfortunate problem is that newer and younger daters fall into the trap of online and long distance dating. At first it stimulates a kind of social, emotional, and attention giving/seeking need, yet after several weeks and without the tools to advance the relationship, it slowly fades. I got trapped in online dating earlier on in my high school years and after many failed attempts I finally strived for a physical connection with someone closer to home.

That’s not me saying that a long distance relationship cannot work, many of my friends have proven that it can. The ways they succeeded are through finding time to travel, using a half-way point vacation spots, doing weekly drives, or even moving across country or… the world to be with their partner.

I’m not going to sit here and tell you it’s over between you two as I have no clue what his true intentions are with “having a break,” I can tell you that with past experiences through non-long distance relationships that breaks are normally more detrimental and tend to cause more pain toward one side of the relationship. “Giving space” and “needing a break” are two different things.

I suggest you continue to dig for answers and be blunt about it. If it feels like you’re beating a dead horse, do the hardest thing you can and end it. You WILL find someone new and you WILL be happier with a relationship that can accommodate all three attributes needed for a healthy relationship. Emotional, physical, and communicational.

 

I wish you the best of luck and no matter what you end up doing, the best part of relationships is that it’s all a learning process, the more you go through and learn from, the happier you are in the end. That could mean sticking out when it gets rough and working hard to get back on top, or ending it and searching for a new partner.

[HeavenOrHell]

I think you should stop contact with him and move on, LDR's often get dull if you don't meet up enough or you have no end in sight.

 

There's no point in being with someone if they don't want to be with you.

 

No-one can promise they'll never leave someone, it's unrealistic to say things like that, but people do say things like that when they first fall in love, but it's hurtful I know.

[qwasdzxcv]

Thank you for your replies guys.

 

ExpatInItaly--- haha yeah I have met him before. We're childhood friends but he just lives down in Florida. The only chance we can see each other is if my family decides to visit family down there.

 

You guys really helped me out... having a first love that's long distanced is really tough. Maybe the next time we meet each other, we can be with each other for the time being.

Our love was new and fresh since it's the first time. We loved each other and reminded each other that every time we can. We talked about what to do in the future and what we would do the very first moment we saw each other. He was caring and willing to take on my worries. He gave effort to make me not sad. and will apologize after just a little while when we fight. He's really not a bad guy, he'll do things for me, things we won't do for anyone else.

 

As of now I'll be stubborn just for a little while and see where things can get to. But after a while I'll soon to heal... and look past this heartbreak. Thank You again.

[d0nnivain]

LDRs are tough under the best of circumstances. High school is far from the best of circumstances.

 

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but maybe breaking up is a good thing. You will both be free to date people who actually live near you.

 

You have college coming up & the whole world opening before you. Live your life.

 

Once you have a job & more control over your own travels perhaps you can reconnect.