DollyRocker Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 I broke up with my ex a month ago. We were both each other's first LTR? He broke up saying that he couldn't marry me as he loved me rather than being in love with me. Now I'm in the recovery period I wonder myself whether I was in love with him or it was just puppy love (warm affection, companionship and caring for each) During the relationship I felt that we had enough there to go the distance but I wonder if we were selling ourselves short. Is there a way that I can tell whether I was in love with him? Is real love a coup de foudre experience? Is this what I should be looking out for next time? Did all I have with my ex was a strong friendship and good sex which I mistook for more? We were together 2 years so he must at least have thought he was in love with me at some point to stick around so long.
rec88 Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 In my experience, someone who distinguishes between 'loving' and being 'in love' is trying to both let you down easy and make themselves feel like they aren't a bad person. It's a really misleading way to say they don't love you. I would say they are confusing the words love and admire. I believe love requires action. You don't need to do anything to admire someone. As for you last two paragraphs, only you can answer that. Don't beat yourself up if you don't understand it right now. Give it time.
Jiivy Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 In my experience, someone who distinguishes between 'loving' and being 'in love' is trying to both let you down easy and make themselves feel like they aren't a bad person. It's a really misleading way to say they don't love you. I would say they are confusing the words love and admire. I believe love requires action. You don't need to do anything to admire someone. As for you last two paragraphs, only you can answer that. Don't beat yourself up if you don't understand it right now. Give it time. The whole "in-love" and "loving" dichotomy is a childish play. For me, it's the words of someone who is either: a) confused b) immature Nobody has that honeymoon period forever. Every couple, good and bad gets that stale feeling after time and needs to work things out. I'm going to share with you some words of wisdom that have carried me through the years: The right one for you will stick it out.
Woggle Posted April 13, 2014 Posted April 13, 2014 Sounds like he is chasing some movie version of love that doesn't actually exist in real life.
Author DollyRocker Posted April 13, 2014 Author Posted April 13, 2014 I've not watched Scrubs before but that was really helpful. Thank you.
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 The whole "in-love" and "loving" dichotomy is a childish play. For me, it's the words of someone who is either: a) confused b) immature Nobody has that honeymoon period forever. Every couple, good and bad gets that stale feeling after time and needs to work things out. I'm going to share with you some words of wisdom that have carried me through the years: The right one for you will stick it out. LOL!!! While I found this pretty funny, I do have to disagree with his statement at the very end of this clip. About ONE person standing and fighting for the RS during times of trouble. IME, that doesn't work because I know I (and many others I've read on here) fought like hell to save our RS's. Bottom line is that BOTH people have to want it really, really bad. Otherwise it will not work. One person cannot make a RS work. Period!!!
Jiivy Posted April 14, 2014 Posted April 14, 2014 LOL!!! While I found this pretty funny, I do have to disagree with his statement at the very end of this clip. About ONE person standing and fighting for the RS during times of trouble. IME, that doesn't work because I know I (and many others I've read on here) fought like hell to save our RS's. Bottom line is that BOTH people have to want it really, really bad. Otherwise it will not work. One person cannot make a RS work. Period!!! Yeah I agree. I actually fell foul of this video and always had it in the back of my mind when my ex and I had problems...the result? I was always the one holding up the relationship. It was always me fighting for it. That was a mistake and I've identified that now. I should have walked away a long time ago. Truth be told, I knew in my heart she never was able to hold it up on her end. 3
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