Author soulforge2013 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 did i do the right thing here guys???? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Arieswoman Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Soulforge, Yes, yes, and yes again ! Now go and find some nice uncomplicated girl. Good Luck. Link to post Share on other sites
faithfully Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Who the frig brings dildo and lube on a 1st meet up with a guy- what the devil!!!! Wow some people are unbelievable!! Yes yes you did the right thing. There are lots of decent women out there. I'm sure you will find someone 1 Link to post Share on other sites
CaliBabe Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 Yes you did the right thing, I know you are looking for validation from us but deep down inside you already know you did the right thing. Now go and find a decent girl who will respect herself. A womans body is her temple. She should have screened you and saw what you had to offer HER before she offered you her body... I mean 2 hours... Goodness. I question if you will meet a quality woman on a dating/hookup site. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 did i do the right thing here guys???? Again, what were you hoping for from this relationship? A marriage partner? A good time? Companionship for as long as you get long? Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Share Posted April 15, 2014 Again, what were you hoping for from this relationship? A marriage partner? A good time? Companionship for as long as you get long? i was hoping for a relationship, but this girl has said & done things, that just keep making me feel like i shouldn't trust her how can i have a relationship with someone i do not trust Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 i was hoping for a relationship, but this girl has said & done things, that just keep making me feel like i shouldn't trust her how can i have a relationship with someone i do not trust Then that seems to be your answer - it sounds as though you made the right choice. Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 15, 2014 Share Posted April 15, 2014 i was hoping for a relationship, but this girl has said & done things, that just keep making me feel like i shouldn't trust her how can i have a relationship with someone i do not trust You can't. Good choice. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 deep inside i know i did the right thing... i am 37 years old, and just came out of a 3 year toxic relationship only 5 months ago! i have to ask myself the question, was this girl someone who i could have settled down with for life, someone i could have married? the truth is, i would have to always watch my back with her, always doubting her intentions... but... there was some good qualities about to her too... the little time we did spend together, she was nice to me!! she used to help around my flat, do the dishes for me lol get me the odd gift here and there & generally be nice to me but again it comes back to the red flags.... and risking getting attatched to her Link to post Share on other sites
Craft81 Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Long Story Short i have been seeing this woman for 2 months, but now starting to develop some feelings for her... my gut is trying to warn me, that i am taking a risk with this girl & i am finding it hard to trust her. would i be stupid to ignore my gut????? I met this woman on plenty of fish dating site... i spoke to her for about 15 minutes & within 2 hours of talking to her online she drove down straight to my house. she came straight to my house, late at around 11pm & did not meet me in a bar or pub or anywhere public This woman claims to be a good girl with morals yet i have listed some things below that are worrying me 01) Her best friend sleeps around with a lot of men off dating sites (pof) 02) She had sex with me within 2 hours of meeting me 03) She came straight to my house at 11pm, no bar meet or public meet 04) She bought some lube & a DILDO with her on the first date (this suggests she was coming over & was probably expecting to have sex) 05) She is a bit shady with her mobile phone & keeps it on silent around me 06) She told me, that she used to drive for a drug dealer 07) It takes her ages to reply back to my text messages & her behaviour seems shady 08) She is a single mother with 3 kids 09) She met another guy before me off a dating site & she went straight to his house too, just like she did with me... but she claims not to have had sex with this guy 10) She told me, this guy had just recently texted her wanting to meet up, but she claims to have said no to him.. maybe he is a back up plan 11) She has shown some interested in taking part in a 3sum or a 4sum 12) She never rings me, and i don't ring her... all our communication is by text message 13) We only meet once a week the thing is, when she is with me, she is quite nice & buys me gifts & seems quite caring... so i'm not sure what to do... i really don't think i should trust her tho?? am i taking a big risk here?????? Sounds EXACTLY like my ex with BPD (except 2, 6, 8) -- and a lot of these things I found out AFTER our first break up about how she REALLY is -- she was also a recovering alcoholic at the time and then relapsed. Run away as fast as you can. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 Sounds EXACTLY like my ex with BPD (except 2, 6, 8) -- and a lot of these things I found out AFTER our first break up about how she REALLY is -- she was also a recovering alcoholic at the time and then relapsed. Run away as fast as you can. thanx for your advice friend.. this is the thing... i was seeing her for nearly 3 months... but in them 3 months we only used to meet once a week on the odd occasion we met twice a week, but that only happened twice... i don't think that is enough time to really get to know a person... i must admit i did start to develop feelings for her, because when i did used to see her, she was quite nice to me! but i don't really know her true self & so far there are waaay too many glaring red flags, that i cannot just ignore... only a month ago, she showed me a picture of herself, tied up in some rope, and the word SLUT written on her, with lipstick she told me, that she went to see a MISTRESS some months ago, who taught her how to be submissive sexually then only 2 weeks ago, she told me, that the MISTRESS had contacted her again & wanted to see her, with another couple!!!... she told me that she will not be meeting them tho! why the hell did she tell me this? did she not think for a moment i would find it suspicious or it would give me cause for concern or create mis trust in me it's the things she has told me & done in the past, that have created so much mistrust in me for her Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted April 16, 2014 Author Share Posted April 16, 2014 i feel somewhat sad & conflicted today... in one hand, so many red flags... shady with her phone, never ringing etc yet when we was together, she was very nice to me. it's funny how when she break up with someone, you start dwelling on only the good times & forget or ignore all the bad crap (red flags) that was also present Link to post Share on other sites
Craft81 Posted April 16, 2014 Share Posted April 16, 2014 Yeah, she does have warped and demented set of mind -- she might be sexually addicted too. I'm starting to think my ex has some sort of sexual addiction, but I think it's just all tied up into her BPD -- but then again, I have no idea -- no one I can talk to about that. Either way, she's definitely trouble and there is no happy ending or happily forever after. I stayed with my ex for 2 years trying to "fix" things when all I could see were the good times we had before things went to **** -- before she went back to her old habits. If it wasn't for those, I'd hardcore marry the heck out of her in a heartbeat -- but instead, I got nothing but constant verbal, emotional, and some physical abuse. She says I'm the crazy one. Yeah... right. Whatever, bitch. Just don't go back to her. Don't associate with her. It's definitely easier said than done, but once you get the ball rolling, it will get easier each day. Day 24 of NC for me. Feels good actually. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 i know everyone has gave me good advice on here, and that i should not ignore my gut instinct or ignore major red flags but... i am beginning to miss her Link to post Share on other sites
Craft81 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 i know everyone has gave me good advice on here, and that i should not ignore my gut instinct or ignore major red flags but... i am beginning to miss her Missing her is definitely normal -- I miss my ex like you wouldn't believe.. I still cry and still feel like **** -- but you just can't go back. They were a part of our lives.. and maybe she was a big part of your life.. I know mine was at the time.. and I was a big part of her back then.. Don't feel bad for missing her. Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 i feel somewhat sad & conflicted today... in one hand, so many red flags... shady with her phone, never ringing etc yet when we was together, she was very nice to me. A lot of people are nice to me. Doesn't mean I'm going to rush out and buy a ring. This had "doomed" and "pain" written all over it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
soulforge Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 i'm sure i will look back, when my emotions have settled & think pheww made a lucky escape there but right now, i kinda miss her & it does not feel that way! but seriously.... those red flags are pretty insane... would be taking a huge risk falling in love with this girl Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 18, 2014 Share Posted April 18, 2014 Ehh, you're just lonely and horny. As soon as you meet someone else you'll forget all about her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 well i'm defo missing her tonight... used to meet her at the weekend everyone on here has adviced me that i should walk away from this girl & i have done so... deep inside i know i would be taking on a huge risk, by getting too emotionaly involved with her.. i would always be watching my back & not fully trusting her but sometimes i feel like, maybe i judged her too harshly i guess because my feelings are involved, i am not really looking at the red flags logicaly Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 everyone on here has adviced me that i should walk away from this girl & i have done so... but sometimes i feel like, maybe i judged her too harshly I sure hope you're not basing your life decisions based on what strangers say on the internet. No one here knows you or her. No one here can say what is right for you. Maybe you saw something in her that is worth being with, and the possibility of change. No one here can see that, they're just guessing what might be a good plan because of what you present, nothing more. They can't see into the future. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 This girl sounds like a freak! I wonder how a single mother of 3 has extra money to spend on a man she only sees once a week. Who carries a dildo with lube to see someone you've only known for a couple of hours? Who has a picture of themself tied up in rope with the word "slut" written on them? I highly doubt this woman was only sleeping with you. BTW, it's easy to be nice to a person when you only see them once a week. She's probably nice to everybody (if you know what I mean). Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 I sure hope you're not basing your life decisions based on what strangers say on the internet. No one here knows you or her. No one here can say what is right for you. Maybe you saw something in her that is worth being with, and the possibility of change. No one here can see that, they're just guessing what might be a good plan because of what you present, nothing more. They can't see into the future. did you read the big list of red flags? you mention the possibilty of change in her... yes there is that possibility, but there is always the possibility she has slept around alot before me & once i have fallen in love with her, she may go back to her old ways.. or she could be seeing someone else, at the same time as seeing me! and if i did carry on seeing her... how would i deal with the lack of trust i have for her? i think i could end up feeling quite insecure in a relationship with her & always second guessing her & doubting her trust is very important in a relationship... all that bieng said, there was times where i felt like she was nice kind caring girl yes... nice, kind & caring.... but all the red flags, her history, also her behaviour around me, mentioning other guys alot etc etc all this ends up casting a big shadow over her character! Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 another thing i remembered today... a few weeks back, she was sat near me & was going through some photos on here phone! as she was looking through her photos, i am certain i saw a picture of a mans penis on there it looked like an actual photo.. maybe some guy off the dating site sent it to her i am not 100% about this, but pretty certain that is what i saw! Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted April 19, 2014 Share Posted April 19, 2014 It sounds as though you're really trying to make the case against her. That's fine. But when you say 'everyone here told me to walk away, but sometimes I think I was too harsh' and 'did I do the right thing?' etc., then I'm just telling you that you need to look within and make sure that it's your own decision, regardless of what anyone here says. Maybe you have an internal feeling that you want to give her a chance, maybe you feel there are too many red flags. It sounds as though there are too many red flags for you. But don't look back someday and regret listening to what other people told you. Make your own decision about it. It almost seems to me as though you want to make the internet make the decision for you, and to make you feel o.k. about it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author soulforge2013 Posted April 19, 2014 Author Share Posted April 19, 2014 It sounds as though you're really trying to make the case against her. That's fine. But when you say 'everyone here told me to walk away, but sometimes I think I was too harsh' and 'did I do the right thing?' etc., then I'm just telling you that you need to look within and make sure that it's your own decision, regardless of what anyone here says. Maybe you have an internal feeling that you want to give her a chance, maybe you feel there are too many red flags. It sounds as though there are too many red flags for you. But don't look back someday and regret listening to what other people told you. Make your own decision about it. It almost seems to me as though you want to make the internet make the decision for you, and to make you feel o.k. about it. i am not really trying to make the case against her.. i'm only stating what i have observed & picked on within 2 months of seeing her... when i person is emotionaly involved, they tend to quite easily overlook the red flags & pretend everything is cozy... only to get screwed over at a later time.... then most people look back & think.... hey why the hell did i ignore all those blatant red flags i have said good things abouyt her too... yes when we was together, which was usualy once a week... she was quite caring & loving towards me and yes i enjoyed her company... this is why i feel a little in making this descicion... i have posted on here, because maybe wiser heads, who are thinking clearly, maybe able to tell me what is the best course for me i have spoke to my close friends & he told me that i would be taking a big risk with this one... Link to post Share on other sites
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