jstew2000 Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 (edited) It's been 10 weeks now since my breakup. At 4 weeks no contact again. I find myself thinking about her a little less. It's peaceful when I don't, but when the thoughts come they still hurt. My ex is basically out drinking and partying every chance she gets. Enjoying everything I used to enjoy, but I feel like I've grown out of the partying stage except every once in a while. I don't want a girl like that anyways, but I still feel a little jealousy for some reason. And miss her company. Maybe it's because I will never be able to change her. Moving on is soo hard sometimes. I randomly get urges to talk to her, I just don't act on it. Why is it so hard to forget her? She's not right for me in so many ways yet I still want her sometimes and miss her terribly. Maybe it's because I get a little lonely. But I want to heal properly before I get in another relationship. I've been busy at the gym, with hobbies, and with friends. I don't think it's helping like it should, but it does help some. I still for the life of me can't figure out how she dropped me out of her life so easy, when I treated her so well. It's like she has completely forgotten me. That hurts the most out of everything. Knowing I will probably never hear from her again. She's a great looking girl and can get any guy she wants pretty much. I'm not a bad looking guy and I have a lot going for me, but options are much less. Why I would even want a girl that cheated on me, moved on right away, and was basically an empty shell? It's beyond me.. I still care about her even with all she's put me through. Maybe one day the sun will shine again... If anyone has been through something similar at this stage and has any advice I would really appreciate it! Thanks guys Edited April 12, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
sooshi Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I don't think it'd be fair to compare, or that there is any timeline or indication of healing being normal. People heal differently, and there are variables with each situation. I think you're doing just fine. You'll have times when you miss her, even when on an intellectual level, you know there is no reason to. Sometimes you might feel lonely and miss the companionship. Sometimes you hurt because you felt like she didn't love you or respect you with the depth that you feel like she should have felt. You can expect to experience periods of peace and acceptance, as well as periods of pain and sorrow. It's normal. Keep doing what you like: going to the gym, doing hobbies, and spending time with friends. I understand the feeling of those things not helping like we feel like it "should." But the fact that you're focusing on being happy is what counts the most. As long as you keep at it, you're undergoing the process of healing. Keep it up.
somegoodman Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 It's been 10 weeks now since my breakup. At 4 weeks no contact again. I find myself thinking about her a little less. It's peaceful when I don't, but when the thoughts come they still hurt. My ex is basically out drinking and partying every chance she gets. Enjoying everything I used to enjoy, but I feel like I've grown out of the partying stage except every once in a while. I don't want a girl like that anyways, but I still feel a little jealousy for some reason. And miss her company. Maybe it's because I will never be able to change her. Moving on is soo hard sometimes. I randomly get urges to talk to her, I just don't act on it. Why is it so hard to forget her? She's not right for me in so many ways yet I still want her sometimes and miss her terribly. Maybe it's because I get a little lonely. But I want to heal properly before I get in another relationship. I've been busy at the gym, with hobbies, and with friends. I don't think it's helping like it should, but it does help some. I still for the life of me can't figure out how she dropped me out of her life so easy, when I treated her so well. It's like she has completely forgotten me. That hurts the most out of everything. Knowing I will probably never hear from her again. She's a great looking girl and can get any guy she wants pretty much. I'm not a bad looking guy and I have a lot going for me, but options are much less. Why I would even want a girl that cheated on me, moved on right away, and was basically an empty shell? It's beyond me.. I still care about her even with all she's put me through. Maybe one day the sun will shine again... If anyone has been through something similar at this stage and has any advice I would really appreciate it! Thanks guys Hey man, I've been there before and I'm there again now. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I hate to see decent men in pain like this. At least you're not humiliating yourself trying to get her back. I can tell you this: every time I've had my heart broken by a girl, I eventually got over it and became a better man. I improved my life. And when that happened I gained a whole new perspective. Its funny to see those girls that I pined after now. They are miserable, bloated, bitter, etc. Plenty have tried to get back in with me, but I'm so far ahead of them now that I couldn't care less. She's out partying now because she's young and still has her looks. The world is her oyster, but that won't last long. It will catch up to her and when it does it will be far too late. You are the winner in this game, trust me. 3
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 You are making progress. Also you at a difficult milestone, so be kind to yourself. I would be lying if I said you were close to being healed. Because I seriously doubt you are. This is a long and difficult road, but you will make it. If you haven't already figured it out, NC will be your best tool for healing as quickly, and with the least amount of pain, as possible...
Author jstew2000 Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Hey man, I've been there before and I'm there again now. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. I hate to see decent men in pain like this. At least you're not humiliating yourself trying to get her back. I can tell you this: every time I've had my heart broken by a girl, I eventually got over it and became a better man. I improved my life. And when that happened I gained a whole new perspective. Its funny to see those girls that I pined after now. They are miserable, bloated, bitter, etc. Plenty have tried to get back in with me, but I'm so far ahead of them now that I couldn't care less. She's out partying now because she's young and still has her looks. The world is her oyster, but that won't last long. It will catch up to her and when it does it will be far too late. You are the winner in this game, trust me. Thanks man. This helps a lot... I've been doing much better about social media snooping. Didn't check for weeks. But I had a weak moment today and decided to play detective. I saw how she was liking all her ex boyfriends and the guy she's seeing now's pics and commenting etc.. It drives me nuts that she's so empty inside. She literally thinks she's a good person and that her cheating on me was not "her fault" because she still had feelings for the dude and worked with him. There's no way in hell that's she's as happy as she seems in pictures. She's always making jokes and seeming so happy. But I guess when you're that empty inside it's easy to forget someone like me and move on quick. She told me she doesn't know what love is blah blah. She's 25 years old and just graduated college. I just think she doesn't care in general. It destroys me though and I let it. NC with the social media thing has been my Achilles heel. All my friends think she's a dumb chick, empty shell etc.. But I seem to still have a weak spot. Just trying to remind myself that it'll get better some day. Not even a phone call from her since the breakup. I've initiated contact Everytime. And she acts excited to hear from me. She even still has every single picture of us together on all her social media. I want to take a lesson from this breakup and move forward. I just don't understand anything, and can't seem to put any of the pieces together on what went wrong. Or why she is the way she is...
Author jstew2000 Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 Can you private message people on here?
Jay77098 Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 jstew: You story is word-for-word identical to mine. Exactly the same scenario, and I am dealing with exactly the same pain. There's nothing for it, other than to go NC and try to maintain NC. In time, we will both be feeling better and dating better women. For now, it just sucks. Hang in there.
Author jstew2000 Posted April 12, 2014 Author Posted April 12, 2014 jstew: You story is word-for-word identical to mine. Exactly the same scenario, and I am dealing with exactly the same pain. There's nothing for it, other than to go NC and try to maintain NC. In time, we will both be feeling better and dating better women. For now, it just sucks. Hang in there. Did anything help you with jealousy or anger? I just wanna forgive and forget and be done with it. I don't want to want her anymore. If you know what I mean. I kinda wish I disliked her. But the stuff she does that bothers me is just her being dumb and immature. She's one of those people you talk to about an important subject for an hour. Except you talk the whole hour and she has nothing to say back. Like she's just an empty shell... I think she's genuinely out drinking and having fun because she's dumb and doesn't care.
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