sooshi Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Even if she does want to get back with you, it seems like it's too late. It's her loss! I've wondered about your forgiving nature. If you feel like answering, would you be forgiving if you were in my situation (ex-fiancé pursuing my best friend)? It's okay if you don't want to say or think about it though. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Sgt. Pepper Posted April 12, 2014 Share Posted April 12, 2014 Sounds like you dodged a bullet Well after we broke up my ex turned into a violent alcoholic who had sex with a bunch of men and would be out to 5am with various men. So I'm inclined to agree. She blamed me for her problems but she's the one who left me and started dating a 40 year old metal head and getting involved in a scene full of drinkers and partiers. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I'm assuming so. I haven't told anyone about this new girl of mine though. This relationship is still fairly new so I don't know if I'm ready to become "official" yet. I dunno. My his is all scrambled. If you have mutual friends, then most likely she heard it from the grapevine and that motivated her to want you back. You suddenly became desirable again. Funny how that works. It makes me think of a little kid that has no interest in a particular toy sitting on the shelf. Though when somebody else grabs the toy and starts to play with it, he suddenly wants it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ScaredAlien2 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Congrats buddy, I think you have moved on! She's probably trying to rekindle because she's jealous. She knows your a good catch and is hurt she no longer has you on the lesh. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted April 13, 2014 Author Share Posted April 13, 2014 Congrats buddy, I think you have moved on! She's probably trying to rekindle because she's jealous. She knows your a good catch and is hurt she no longer has you on the lesh. I wish I could say I'm 100% healed. I'm still working my way there. One day though. Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 I agree with ScaredAlien that she's jealous. It's not about you; she's making it about herself. It's truly her loss!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
StGeorge22 Posted April 13, 2014 Share Posted April 13, 2014 Love hearing these stories! Just keep doing what makes you happy mate 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 I was walking to my car earlier today to go to the gym. In the distance I saw a car parked behind me that resembled my ex's ride. Turned out that it was her... She stepped out of her car and walked up to me. At that point I went from 'happy go lucky' to 'really irritated.' As cold and harsh as it may sound, I told her that she is not welcomed around me and that she should leave. Started to cry and left. Trust me I'm not a heartless dude and I wouldn't ever hurt a fly, but for some odd reason... I didn't care. Was I wrong? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I was walking to my car earlier today to go to the gym. In the distance I saw a car parked behind me that resembled my ex's ride. Turned out that it was her... She stepped out of her car and walked up to me. At that point I went from 'happy go lucky' to 'really irritated.' As cold and harsh as it may sound, I told her that she is not welcomed around me and that she should leave. Started to cry and left. Trust me I'm not a heartless dude and I wouldn't ever hurt a fly, but for some odd reason... I didn't care. Was I wrong? Nah, it was fine. Link to post Share on other sites
mtnbiker3000 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Women cry at the drop of a hat, and for many reasons. Very different than the reasons that might make a man cry. So don't associate her crying with how you would feel if you were crying. Very different, emotionally... Carry on!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 You're such a lucky bastard. I don't know how long it's been since I last heard a peep from my ex. Not once has she given me anything close to a breadcrumb. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 You're such a lucky bastard. I don't know how long it's been since I last heard a peep from my ex. Not once has she given me anything close to a breadcrumb. I'd rather be in your shoes than his to be quite honest. I don't think the OP regards himself as lucky to have a wishy-washy ex trying to mess with him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
somedude81 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I'd rather be in your shoes than his to be quite honest. I don't think the OP regards himself as lucky to have a wishy-washy ex trying to mess with him. She really doesn't seem to be wishy washy. Either way, I'm sure he's getting quite the confidence boost knowing that his ex is trying to get him back. I'm not going to bother saying how I feel. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 She really doesn't seem to be wishy washy. Either way, I'm sure he's getting quite the confidence boost knowing that his ex is trying to get him back. I'm not going to bother saying how I feel. She has never told him she wanted to try again. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 She has never told him she wanted to try again. That's here whole intention. She's been trying to "fix" things for weeks. Is it a slight ego boost? Yeah, I'd be lying if I said it wasn't. Would I like for her to leave me alone? Definitely. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Sorry to rain in your parade, my friend, but that reaction yells that you are not really over her... it is, though, a call to reinforce your defenses... in other words, get the hate out of your system, because there is a danger in your uncalled for attitude (you stated before that you are really a nice guy), you see when one acts out of character (angry in this case), guilt overwhelms us fast and hard... Who is to say you won't call them to apologize or do some other thing to assuage your guilt? Don't take risks, you are far in the game to lose all now... Sorry for not sharing the general enthusiasm... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
witmadskilllz Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Thanks for sharing this OP! And congrats! I'm on the same path as well! Healing and moving on at the same time! : ) Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 It does appear a little heartless, but I know that you're not a heartless guy. She hurt you a whole lot, and allowed you to hurt a whole lot for a couple of months, and your reaction is reasonable. You're a forgiving person but you've learned to draw the line. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iDrumKing Posted April 17, 2014 Author Share Posted April 17, 2014 Sorry to rain in your parade, my friend, but that reaction yells that you are not really over her... it is, though, a call to reinforce your defenses... in other words, get the hate out of your system, because there is a danger in your uncalled for attitude (you stated before that you are really a nice guy), you see when one acts out of character (angry in this case), guilt overwhelms us fast and hard... Who is to say you won't call them to apologize or do some other thing to assuage your guilt? Don't take risks, you are far in the game to lose all now... Sorry for not sharing the general enthusiasm... I see where you're coming from, but I am over her. I don't think that me being (un)accepting should come off as having anger or hate. I've let that go long ago. I was pretty civil about it actually. I simply had things to do and places to be and "reconciliation" wasn't part of the daily schedule. Link to post Share on other sites
Simon Phoenix Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 Sorry to rain in your parade, my friend, but that reaction yells that you are not really over her... it is, though, a call to reinforce your defenses... in other words, get the hate out of your system, because there is a danger in your uncalled for attitude (you stated before that you are really a nice guy), you see when one acts out of character (angry in this case), guilt overwhelms us fast and hard... Who is to say you won't call them to apologize or do some other thing to assuage your guilt? Don't take risks, you are far in the game to lose all now... Sorry for not sharing the general enthusiasm... As long as he didn't yell at her I really don't see where you are coming from with this. What is he supposed to say if he doesn't want to see her or talk to her? If he was calm when delivering the message, then I'm really not sure what you would have advised him to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I see where you're coming from, but I am over her. I don't think that me being (un)accepting should come off as having anger or hate. I've let that go long ago. I was pretty civil about it actually. I simply had things to do and places to be and "reconciliation" wasn't part of the daily schedule. Ok, I didn't see the small letters saying you had talked to her in a civilized way... I'd be more conservative in stating that I am over someone, though... nothing takes you down from the top faster than yelling to the world that you are on the top... I think I am being objective here, partner, for example the title of your thread might hint at a couple of things (you are free to call me nitpicker and I apologize for that), like we are in a war against an army of exes and we need news every time one of them is killed... I remind you that I am on the same boat as you, just permit me to give you a suggestion that may be of some use to you in the future: Never, ever, lie to yourself, because that is the worst lie of all... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I got asked to give a call already its been two days........no contact...i am not ready to handle the closure call yet i don't want the spitting wild cat out on and over the phone..........i have decided not to ignore him, he is sick......but i will be letting him know i have moved on and wish him well....it repulses me to think of talking to him at the moment...i feel i was used and feel pretty yuck...i think i might talk to my bishop about it.....its a hard one because i thought ignoring someone was best when they are toxic to your mental state......but ill verify that because it is a little confusing for me to handle...deb Link to post Share on other sites
sooshi Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I think IDK is being as honest as he can be with himself. He may experience shifts in his thoughts and feelings, as most (if not all) of us will following a painful experience, but I think that's to be expected. And if he finds himself feeling moments of not having let go or moved on, that it doesn't mean he hasn't been honest with himself, but that sometimes we simply feel one thing or another for whatever reason, even though we know it's not in our best interest. Should he experience this with her in particular, he'll know that he can let the thoughts/feelings come for a visit and that they'll go soon. He may experience twinges of missing her, etc., but the periods of those experiences will shorten over time. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Trovador Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 As long as he didn't yell at her I really don't see where you are coming from with this. What is he supposed to say if he doesn't want to see her or talk to her? If he was calm when delivering the message, then I'm really not sure what you would have advised him to do. At that point I went from 'happy go lucky' to 'really irritated.' As cold and harsh as it may sound, I told her that she is not welcomed around me and that she should leave. Started to cry and left. Trust me I'm not a heartless dude and I wouldn't ever hurt a fly, but for some odd reason... I didn't care. Was I wrong? In my opinion, saying that that attitude was nice is irresponsible. Drumking was in an emotional turmoil. Nobody acts like that when they are really over their exes. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
KaliLove Posted April 17, 2014 Share Posted April 17, 2014 I think IDK is being as honest as he can be with himself. He may experience shifts in his thoughts and feelings, as most (if not all) of us will following a painful experience, but I think that's to be expected. And if he finds himself feeling moments of not having let go or moved on, that it doesn't mean he hasn't been honest with himself, but that sometimes we simply feel one thing or another for whatever reason, even though we know it's not in our best interest. Should he experience this with her in particular, he'll know that he can let the thoughts/feelings come for a visit and that they'll go soon. He may experience twinges of missing her, etc., but the periods of those experiences will shorten over time. Such a smart and realistic post..deserved a repeat. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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