Moeppi Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 So I havnt really had a big problem dating women in the past. There were good dates and bad ones, the usual stuff. As I felt losing my mojo lately i began to try online dating. So then this one girl sent me a message and we really hit it off. Same intellectual level, getting each others jokes, same interests etc. This all happend within 2 to 3 days. She then told me she really wanted to see me and gave me her number. As I had a really bad cold during that time I told her we could date in a couple of days. We then decided to have a phone call for the time being. We had a really good talk and discussed the details about our date. We texted a bit the days later. I showed her some of the video and photography I did, she asked for my work email to send me some of hers. (stop motion is one of our hobbies). The evening before our date I texted her my opinion on one of her most favourite videos. She texted back that she really loved what i thought about it and that she cant wait to see me. 15 hours later, three hours before our planed date she texted me "sorry, but i have to cancel because things changed and i dont want to get to know you any closer for now. thank you for understanding" On asking her what changed she didnt want to clarify. So anyone please tell me, whats wrong with this girl? It never slighty occured to me that something went wrong. It more likely felt like becoming one of the best dates ever. Is she just nuts, or was she fishing for compliments with no real interest? She wasnt even online on the dating site after we exchanged numbers. This feels really weird and Im uncertain to contine online dating.
Tressugar Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Huh?! That was a weird experience. My guess is that she never had any intentions of meeting you or she met another guy that swept her off her feet first. If the latter is the case, don't be her back up for when things don't work out. OR...she's not the person who she portrays herself to be. Either case move on...this is why it's better to date multiple people at the same time so you will not get too hung up one person if it doesn't work out.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 So anyone please tell me, whats wrong with this girl? It never slighty occured to me that something went wrong. It more likely felt like becoming one of the best dates ever. Is she just nuts, or was she fishing for compliments with no real interest? She wasnt even online on the dating site after we exchanged numbers. This feels really weird and Im uncertain to contine online dating. Maybe a little of both. Who knows? You're seriously gonna give up on OLD because of one little blowup?? Come on man, you've gotta have much, MUCH tougher skin and resolve if you want to be successful! You didn't even go out with this chick and it seems your initial investment in her has already taken a toll on you! Can't let that happen! Also, remember that the world of OLD is full of weirdos and flakes so don't put your eggs all in one basket like you just did. Go into things with low expectations. That way you can never be disappointed. And even though I said OLD is full of wackos, there are also lots of cool, normal people on there also. You just have to weed them out! GL 1
Mrin Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Met someone else or got to date #3 with someone she was already seeing. Don't stress it. It happens. You'll probably do it too 1
J21 Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 She's been multi dating, and she made up her mind with someone she was seeing before she met you. Don't take it personal, it's just how OLD is sometimes.
Author Moeppi Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 Ok thanks guys. As I said, I have little to no experience in online dating, but I'm beginning to realize how it works. I figure I really had too high expectations. I'll just move on and see if there's someone else. Though this multidating phenomenon will be hard to come by. I usually talk so much that I wont be able to remember what I said to whom. You guys have a date notebook or something?
hasaquestion Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Ok thanks guys. As I said, I have little to no experience in online dating, but I'm beginning to realize how it works. I figure I really had too high expectations. I'll just move on and see if there's someone else. Though this multidating phenomenon will be hard to come by. I usually talk so much that I wont be able to remember what I said to whom. You guys have a date notebook or something? Well maybe you shouldn't talk too much. After all, when a date goes real well? the other person is doing all the talking.
Author Moeppi Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 What answer do you want? How would anyone know? Perhaps, perhaps,...perhaps. You need to have more integrity. You allow a complete stranger you have never met determine your future course of on line dating? Are you really this vulnerable and easily controlled? Women like men who are confident and are in charge of their lives. The pouty, hard-done-by guys are not attractive at all. Its not that this experience affects my self esteem in any case. I just found it to be very very weird. Never experienced this with women I got to know before in person. From what i read now it seems to be a common occurence with online dating though. Thats why Im not sure whether its worth the hassle.
jothebo41 Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Stopped reading at the 'Weird Online Dating Experience' title..... Just kidding but yeah man its bizzare. At least she told you though. She could of gotten 'dat free dinner and completely ghosted on you. OLD is generally to be taken with a grain of salt, its made up, and attempts to make money off people 'finding relationships'. The guy she chose over you will 99.99% chance not date her, she'll flake on him or he will buck n chuck.
kodakgirl Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 That is weird, but you have to accept you're never going to know what on earth it was, and let it go. Her problem, not yours. I agree you shouldn't invest tooooo much before meeting, but if you don't want to multi-date, you don't have to. It sounds like this was over just a couple days, right? I don't see anything wrong with devoting a couple days or a week to pursuing just one person. I've always approached online dating like that, and so have all or most of the men I've known who've done it. If it's not you, don't force it.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Its not that this experience affects my self esteem in any case. I just found it to be very very weird. Never experienced this with women I got to know before in person. From what i read now it seems to be a common occurence with online dating though. Thats why Im not sure whether its worth the hassle. Yep. Just picture the whole concept. While again, OLD is full of normal people, it's also a haven for the dating misfits - giving the socially awkward/rude/whatever types motility.
Mo_Do Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 One of a few things happened: The top 2 would be another guy or she has heavily doctored photos and you wouldn't find her the least bit attractive in person so she bailed. The third.. You handed over too much info and she searched you up all over the place and saw things she didnt like. You can bet she's been through your facebook page, along with friends of yours (open) FB pages. Linkedin, web search - could have even done a full background check on you for all you know. If you're a good sleuth you can find anything about anyone online and I've done it. 2
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 She disproved of your choice of stop-motion frame rate!
Mo_Do Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 She disproved of your choice of stop-motion frame rate! He gave her his work email (name). I am assuming the "relationship" went dead not long after.
CarrieT Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Thats why Im not sure whether its worth the hassle. It can be if you grow a thick skin and lower expectations. So many people get emotionally invested with others with whom they are only just beginning to chat. Get beyond the initial convo stage and physically start getting to know someone. Hey - I am someone who conducted hundreds of online conversations and went on more than FIFTY coffee meet-and-greets. Ultimately, I met a guy that I married via online dating. Again, it is a total numbers game and you have to take all those first meetings and connections with a tiny grain of salt until they flower into something more substantial.
Author Moeppi Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 He gave her his work email (name). I am assuming the "relationship" went dead not long after. My name's far too common. I once tried to google myself. It's really hard to come by more than anything than a photo she already saw. I assume the frame rate thing is more likely. Anyhow, thank you all for your insights.
hasaquestion Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 My name's far too common. I once tried to google myself. It's really hard to come by more than anything than a photo she already saw. I assume the frame rate thing is more likely. Anyhow, thank you all for your insights. Nah, first and last name is all it takes. I know I've found people with fairly common names starting only with a first name and a state of residence. And I'm a dude - women have God-given preternatural facebook stalking abilities. 1
HappyLove Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Welcome to the word of OLDing. Many women only go on to boost their self esteem. Plenty people on both sides are just using others. It's a waste of time you'll eventually realize that. In the meantime have fun and lower your expectations BIG TIME! People will try to convince you how it's great and that's how their mothers brother's cousin met his fantastic astronaut wife but in reality it is successful for the VERY few and lucky.
Mo_Do Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 My name's far too common. I once tried to google myself. It's really hard to come by more than anything than a photo she already saw. I assume the frame rate thing is more likely. Anyhow, thank you all for your insights. Are you 12? I could find your blood type if I felt like it.
spiderowl Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Could be she was just chatting to a guy online for the fun of it, with no intention of meeting, or perhaps that she's already attached. Another possibility is that you said something that turned her off. It might have been something that you think perfectly ntural to talk about - your fishing hobby for example - but to her made all the difference if she hates that kind of thing. It's easy to think you are getting on well if you feel you are. The other party doesn't always feel the same.
thecrucible Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Seriously you shouldn't care too much. Some people don't even understand why they're using online dating. I was online a few years ago, about 4 months after a breakup with a fiance and thinking I was all set ready to date. In actuality I couldn't handle it and ended up disappearing from the site into pretty much thin air. That could be why. It could be stuff going on in real life. A lot of people have stuff going on you don't about it. It could be she met someone else, started messaging them and wanted to focus on that. I mean wouldn't you be the same? I've been messaging multiple men at a time and I actually don't like now. It confuses the crap out of me. Maybe some women the rules and the guy has to ask her out within 4-7 messages? (I actually think that's kind of a good rule) 1
Tayken Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 OP...As I read you story, I knew exactly where this was going...call it intuition You were plan B all along, and whatever she was working before you, must have come through and she decided to with A.....it happens a lot. I have paid it back to but stopped short of standing a date up.....that will be just cruel The key now is that if she ever come back to you...DO NOT FALL RIGHT BACK INTO HER ARMS. You will regret it if you do Girls like this, it's a self esteem boost / ego thing for them...that is why whenever you get an opportunity to HIT IT, do not hesitate...cos that way you've had your stamp on it So I havnt really had a big problem dating women in the past. There were good dates and bad ones, the usual stuff. As I felt losing my mojo lately i began to try online dating. So then this one girl sent me a message and we really hit it off. Same intellectual level, getting each others jokes, same interests etc. This all happend within 2 to 3 days. She then told me she really wanted to see me and gave me her number. As I had a really bad cold during that time I told her we could date in a couple of days. We then decided to have a phone call for the time being. We had a really good talk and discussed the details about our date. We texted a bit the days later. I showed her some of the video and photography I did, she asked for my work email to send me some of hers. (stop motion is one of our hobbies). The evening before our date I texted her my opinion on one of her most favourite videos. She texted back that she really loved what i thought about it and that she cant wait to see me. 15 hours later, three hours before our planed date she texted me "sorry, but i have to cancel because things changed and i dont want to get to know you any closer for now. thank you for understanding" On asking her what changed she didnt want to clarify. So anyone please tell me, whats wrong with this girl? It never slighty occured to me that something went wrong. It more likely felt like becoming one of the best dates ever. Is she just nuts, or was she fishing for compliments with no real interest? She wasnt even online on the dating site after we exchanged numbers. This feels really weird and Im uncertain to contine online dating.
JourneyLady Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 One of a few things happened: The top 2 would be another guy or she has heavily doctored photos and you wouldn't find her the least bit attractive in person so she bailed. The third.. You handed over too much info and she searched you up all over the place and saw things she didnt like. You can bet she's been through your facebook page, along with friends of yours (open) FB pages. Linkedin, web search - could have even done a full background check on you for all you know. If you're a good sleuth you can find anything about anyone online and I've done it. I'll agree with this, because that's what the behavior says. I've done it too, figured out a catfish that way. Hopefully you're not on anything like Ashley Madison, because that would be a red flag. Is it also possible that one of her friends has dated you and had a bad experience? I discuss my dates or possible dates with my friends. One guy I decide not to date, and my friend looked at his profile and said she would if he lived closer! :-D But yeah, you'd best google yourself and see what's out there on you and maybe reign in some of that information... Because a woman who was *planning* this wouldn't normally say she "doesn't want to get to know you". It's probably code for "I've seen something that doesn't sit well with me". I've done it myself. I really liked a guy but he was being slow asking me out or even texting and then I found he was twittering some FWB girl. So I told him it wasn't going anywhere.
JourneyLady Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 OP...As I read you story, I knew exactly where this was going...call it intuition You were plan B all along, and whatever she was working before you, must have come through and she decided to with A.....it happens a lot. I have paid it back to but stopped short of standing a date up.....that will be just cruel The key now is that if she ever come back to you...DO NOT FALL RIGHT BACK INTO HER ARMS. You will regret it if you do Girls like this, it's a self esteem boost / ego thing for them...that is why whenever you get an opportunity to HIT IT, do not hesitate...cos that way you've had your stamp on it Don't you think it's rather odd that with absolutely nothing to lose, this is NOT what the majority of women in this forum are saying? That many of us see indications she saw or heard something she didn't like? Wouldn't figuring out what it was give him more "power" in the end (to fix it) than trying to convince him that women always have a back-up plan? He said he'd felt he lost his "mojo". That makes me wonder if there is something out there on him that is unfavorable... Now which is more likely, Tayken? A woman "snooping" on a guy she likes, or a woman who has someone else on the line? :-)
Khyla Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 thecrucible;5638208]Seriously you shouldn't care too much. Some people don't even understand why they're using online dating. I was online a few years ago, about 4 months after a breakup with a fiance and thinking I was all set ready to date. In actuality I couldn't handle it and ended up disappearing from the site into pretty much thin air. That could be why.Exactly! That's how I felt in the beginning and still do feel that way off and on. i signed up on an OLD site about 2 months ago. Thought I could maybe finally meet someone that interests me without pouncing on them from the start because I entered into a FWB to help with that. Found out that wasnt the case after meeting up with someone, so thought I better rethink things. It could be stuff going on in real life. A lot of people have stuff going on you don't about it. again, EXACTLY! I went without even checking messages for a week at a time. I had too much stuff going on that needed my attention. It could be she met someone else, started messaging them and wanted to focus on that. I mean wouldn't you be the same? I've been messaging multiple men at a time and I actually don't like now. It confuses the crap out of me. I haven't purposely ignored anyone i started to reply to. If I replied it meant I AM interested. But it does get confusing! Maybe some women the rules and the guy has to ask her out within 4-7 messages? (I actually think that's kind of a good rule)I dont really have any rules like that. If someone doesnt message me for a couple months and then gets back in touch that would be fine with me, and I would hope it would be the same for them. I have already made plans to get together fishing with someone in the summertime. There is a local guy I met online about 2 months ago, and we keep trying to make arrangements to meet but it hasn't happened yet because of other stuff going on in our lives. It almost happened again this weekend, but no go on my end.
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