Koans Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 (edited) "EX GIRLFRIEND GETS COLD FEET AND REBOUNDS AND SEEMS CONFUSED" So from mid Jan to the break up of Feb 28 is when our work schedules started conflicting. We argued about it. Then I came with the conclusion of her thinking about moving to Vegas to live with me. And I told her, "I don't care if it's this yr, in 2 yrs, or 3 yrs, just consider it", She hits me with the, "don't wait for me". So we argue about that because I'm dumbfounded with that response. Like, "what do you mean don't wait for you, aren't I in your plans." Shes like, "you are but I want to finish school, be set, then have my own place first." In my mind I'm like, "you dumb bitch how does that make any ga damn sense." Later I apologized for the pressure I put on her and I told her, "forget about Vegas, I just want us to keep going." She thanked me for understanding her. But then she distanced herself the next day for a week.... And on the 8th day.... She hits me with the, "I fell out of love" - "I need space" - "I need to do this for me" - "I need to feel it out" - "I'm not moving on". But we did confirm the break up when I asked the 2nd time when she first said, "idk". 1st week after B.U. - Week goes by, I hit her up for reconciliation. She hits me with, "save your money, I'm happily with someone". Of course I went into shock mode. She just said she wasnt moving on, and turns around and actually moves on. But I tried to play it cool and be supportive with her new guy. Even tho I really didn't know wtf I was typing. By this point its all emails. It was a week of blaming myself. 2nd week after B.U. - Through emails, it consisted of **** U's and the blame game. Second half of the week was trying peace it out. Trying be on good terms. Because I was still hoping for us to get back together. As if this is a phase. 3rd week after B.U. - I'm having inner conflict between understanding her, friendship and where I stand in this. She tried to come at me with her work problems and I told her, "take your problems to your new guy, you made this decision, you made your bed, you gotta lay in it". But aside from that, I tried to be supportive of her new motives. Few days later I took back what I said and told her, "I'll be your shoulder to cry on". I figured, I can reverse the tables on this new guy. The way she ran to him, if **** spoils between them, I can be the one she runs to. 4th week after B.U. - I hit my breaking point. I dropped an email on April 3rd regarding of how I'm tired of being 2nd best. And that this break up is best for the both of us. She read it the next day and texted me about it. She texted me back and said, "now you finally realize this?" lmao. Well yea it finally registered you dumb bitch coz you caught me by surprise with your new monkey face b.f..Sorry I'm having a moment lmao. Let's proceed...so I texted her about how I felt like she played me dirty by contradicting herself by saying, "I'm not movin on" but then does the opposite. I wanted an extended version of what I felt. So I just dropped an email about it. She didn't reply to my text the remaining of the day... So on the same day I called her. She had strep throat. Soon as I heard her raspy voice, I told her, "no its okay you dont have to talk, just get better lub, I hope you get healthy soon". She's like, "thank you lub", I'm like, "you're welcome lub". It got sweet but I couldn't let that blind me. ("Lub" is what we call each other. It's like "love") I told her, "you're a very good person but you hurt me lub. I want to tell you things but were on 2 different pages. What ever I say now won't even go through your head. I'm gonna text you of what I don't have the strength to say with words. When I move on. I'm really going. Bye bye lub." 1st text - "I guess you can burn and take our pictures down now. Becareful what you ask for, coz you might just get it." 2nd text - "I invested too much into this relationship and I'm getting nothing back in return. I guess my job here is done. Bye bye lub." She hasn't responded since. Helpful things to consider. - She admitted to still having our picture frame up by her bed while dating this new guy. - She occasionally gets depressed when she drinks (told to me by her best friend). - On the 2nd week of dating the monkey, she chose to hang with her friends than with him when I happened to call her. Where she was **** faced drunk at a bowling alley. - She claims the new guy her b/f on the third week. - When I opened the lines for communication through email. I told her to respond to make sure we got each others email. She responded back with a song we learned to sing together. And she still called me "lub". - She'll say stringing along **** like, "sometimes i think of us getting back together but don't get your hopes up". And, "I'm not telling you to totally move on, but if it hurts for you to talk to me, maybe its a good idea you try to move on." - Me and my ex-girlfriend have been in LDR for 3 years. I live in Vegas. She lives in Chicago. Im 28. Shes 22. - What throws me off is in January, we spent 2 weeks together in Vegas, Chicago and San Francisco. - I've been in NC since April 5th and I don't plan on saying Happy Bday on her bday which is on April 21st. I'm fully aware about stroking her ego. Helpful tips for those who are going crazy - I was tore the *** up the whole March. Soon as I decided to stand up for myself and find my balls and not wonder or assume **** about if I should text her on her bday, I healed hella fast in a matter of 5 days. All I know is, she lost me, I didn't lose her. Think like that. In that way you will value yourself more. And she will devalue in your mind.. BUT YEA WOULD APPRECIATE YOUR INPUT ON WHAT YOU MAKE OF ALL OF THIS. ESPECIALLY HER. APPRECIATE IT. THANX! Edited April 11, 2014 by Koans
justwhoiam Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 If she's not sure about being with you, she must have her reasons why. And there's no point in forcing her. The best advice I can give is: never get together with a girl who is not in love with you. Over time, it only gets worse. So, just move on now. If she comes back, I hope you're with someone else already, so you wish her good luck to meet the guy she hopes for. Never pretend you like being in your shoes of friendzoned ex bf. Those shoes will just hurt your feet. Better going bare feet, at that point.
Author Koans Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 (edited) Yea..I didn't stop her from wanting her space. I told her, "I'm not gonna stop you from w.e wisdom you gotta learn". It just hurts with the flip flop words of saying shes not moving on then rebound to cope. No lesson learned for her for now. You have to be alone to gain the wisdom and to make sense of things. I don't plan to jump into another relationship so quickly this year. I'm not the, "i feel lonely" type. All I told myself was, If she gets dumped. It's over. Because then I'll be the rebound. If she gets her sense back and dumps him. I'd tell her to stay put and do nothing irrational. No relationships for now. Just take it slow. Real slow. No sex, no nothing. Lets just find the root of the cause. And see how we can make things work this time around. I mean, I don't believe in not giving someone a second chance. Lets say you do find someone else. It's just gonna be another repeat. Love isn't guaranteed and theirs no such thing as soul mates. Love is like a job, you gotta work at it everyday. A small part of me is waiting since it's still fresh but I'm already moving forward. Date a few gurls to see if they can offer more. But at the end of the day you can say I'm not ruling her out. It's just all a learning, growing, experimenting, humble process. Edited April 11, 2014 by Koans
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