dating depressed person

[joel]

Would you date ,relationship,marry a person who has depression and has to take prozac everyday for 3 years . Also goes to counselling to see doctor.

Why or why not. Tell me reasons

Anyone met anyone like this and whats it like

Stories ??

[lollipopspot]

It would depend on how they dealt with their depression.

 

If they got really moody and cranky and miserable to be around, that would probably be too much for me. Especially if they didn't seek treatment.

 

If they were still kind, but wanted to be alone more often, or even better if they were actively dealing with it with a doctor, that would probably be fine. If they're self responsible and dealing with it, that's what I ask for.

 

No one is perfect. Someone actively dealing with their issues is good. Something like uncontrolled manic depression would be a deal breaker.

[Omei]

I couldn't because as someone who's been depressed I thrive off fun happy people it makes me feel alive and good! I surround myself with happy people.

 

I feel like if I was with a depressed person id slink back into mine with them.

[amazingdrummer]

No, I have enough of my own troubles, so I don't want to ask for more.

[Arieswoman]

I think it would depend if it was a "reactive depression", caused by a traumatic life experience/experiences - which can be resolved in time - or Clinical Depression which is a permanent condition.

 

It would also depend if the person chose to engage with their condition and co-operate with the treatment regimes offered.

 

I have dated moody men in the past (I don't know if it they had depression of any kind diagnosed or not) and it was hard work.

 

So it's a "no" from me.

[ktya]

Would you date ,relationship,marry a person who has depression and has to take prozac everyday for 3 years . Also goes to counselling to see doctor.

Why or why not. Tell me reasons

Anyone met anyone like this and whats it like

Stories ??

 

I would not date someone suffering from MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) ever again. Even with the meds and counselling, these people are prone to repeated episodes. The meds themselves keep their emotions on a flatline, not ever too far from neutral and can harm sex drive. If sex drive is an issue they can do a short drug holiday by not taking meds the day before which can help, but the lack of positive emotion can be a real downer.

 

I'll give you an example of just one of many of my experiences. Woman on an SSRI (Prozac is one). I send her away on a getaway, drop $600 on a B&B, travel, grocery money, everything - a just because gift - and take care of her kid and she comes back to a sparkling clean house. Her reaction when she gets back? "It was OK. The scenery was nice. House looks good." The thank-you was bland.

 

The meds also have a "poop out" problem, where the meds no longer work against the depression, and after a crazy bout of massive depression and suicide, the doctor will rotate the meds and come up with something else and then it will go away.

 

I had to deal with a girl who had suicidal thoughts because I was hanging out with a roomate too much, who always thought that I thought she was a worthless human being and figured I was cheating on her. The house was a disaster because in her funk she couldn't get off her a** to even pick up after herself. I had to send her to the hospital to check herself into psych ward a few times because once she started talking suicide it was beyond my pay grade and a problem for a professional.

 

Animals came and went. "If I get ferrets to cuddle I will be happy and it will give me the energy to clean the house". "This type of bird is really affectionate and it will make me feel better".

 

The baby cravings were extreme at times. "If I have a baby to give me unconditional love I will feel better about myself because I will have someone to take care of". Meanwhile she barely lifted a finger to clean up after the daughter she already had and the poor kid was relegated to feeding herself because mom never bothered to do normal mom stuff like make the kid a proper lunch on weekends.

 

When they're in a funk, or even when they're not in a funk, everything becomes your fault. "I'm not happy because you spend too much time tinkering with your boat". "I'm not happy because you dont show me enough affection." "I'm not happy because you do X, Y, or Z".

 

And the force multiplier of the problem is, because you know they are suffering from depression and are in treatment for it, it is hard to walk away and ditch someone just because they are sick with a mental illness. You know they can't help it. You know they can't control it.

 

Unfortunately, in the end, THEIR illness ends up controlling YOU. YOU dont get to have fun with your partner for weeks or months at a time because THEIR illness has them in a funk. Want to have some drinks and unwind? Well you are drinking alone because THEIR medication interacts poorly with alcohol. YOU become the jerk for going out with your friends because THEIR illness makes them feel like hiding in a room staring at the wall and YOU are leaving them in their time of need because THEIR illness makes them feel this way.

 

I know I'm painting a bleak picture- and I have nothing but empathy for those with MDD - while people with major depression definitely are deserving of love getting into a serious relationship with someone who has it will relegate you to the role of caregiver at least a large chunk of the time and sometimes all of the time. You will tiptoe around the elephant in the room, their illness.

 

You will at times want to bark at them, "Just snap out of it" which is something they cannot do. You will want to tell them, "You will start to feel better if you get off your a** and just go do something" which is something they cannot understand because they can't get the motivation to get up let alone face the public.

 

To understand how they feel in a major funk, think of one of your worst breakups where you got unexpectedly dumped and your heart was shattered. You wanted to just cry just thinking about your life, you wanted to stare at a wall blankly, everything seemed to suck so bad and you wondered if life was worth living. Thing is, we all eventually get over a breakup; we can go have sex with someone else, we can party it off, we start to meet new people and get excited about intimacy again. People with MDD can go through this 3-6 times per year and sometimes they last months.

 

I have nothing but empathy for these people. But in being with two different women who suffered from it and trying to help them, I've come to the tragic realization that these people are better off staying out of relationships entirely until they have done the work on themselves and their illness to be stable.

 

Beware the person with MDD in the beginning of a relationship. They will look at you as their savior, the person who finally makes them happy, and happy they will be. After a few months the glow wears off and you end up stuck - feeling like a jerk for dumping them because of their illness so you end up staying and trying to help them.

 

Sorry to be blunt, and very sorry to anyone with MDD reading this.

[joel]

I would not date someone suffering from MDD (Major Depressive Disorder) ever again. Even with the meds and counselling, these people are prone to repeated episodes. The meds themselves keep their emotions on a flatline, not ever too far from neutral and can harm sex drive. If sex drive is an issue they can do a short drug holiday by not taking meds the day before which can help, but the lack of positive emotion can be a real downer.

 

I'll give you an example of just one of many of my experiences. Woman on an SSRI (Prozac is one). I send her away on a getaway, drop $600 on a B&B, travel, grocery money, everything - a just because gift - and take care of her kid and she comes back to a sparkling clean house. Her reaction when she gets back? "It was OK. The scenery was nice. House looks good." The thank-you was bland.

 

The meds also have a "poop out" problem, where the meds no longer work against the depression, and after a crazy bout of massive depression and suicide, the doctor will rotate the meds and come up with something else and then it will go away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I had to deal with a girl who had suicidal thoughts because I was hanging out with a roomate too much, who always thought that I thought she was a worthless human being and figured I was cheating on her. The house was a disaster because in her funk she couldn't get off her a** to even pick up after herself. I had to send her to the hospital to check herself into psych ward a few times because once she started talking suicide it was beyond my pay grade and a problem for a professional.

 

Animals came and went. "If I get ferrets to cuddle I will be happy and it will give me the energy to clean the house". "This type of bird is really affectionate and it will make me feel better".

 

The baby cravings were extreme at times. "If I have a baby to give me unconditional love I will feel better about myself because I will have someone to take care of". Meanwhile she barely lifted a finger to clean up after the daughter she already had and the poor kid was relegated to feeding herself because mom never bothered to do normal mom stuff like make the kid a proper lunch on weekends.

 

When they're in a funk, or even when they're not in a funk, everything becomes your fault. "I'm not happy because you spend too much time tinkering with your boat". "I'm not happy because you dont show me enough affection." "I'm not happy because you do X, Y, or Z".

 

And the force multiplier of the problem is, because you know they are suffering from depression and are in treatment for it, it is hard to walk away and ditch someone just because they are sick with a mental illness. You know they can't help it. You know they can't control it.

 

Unfortunately, in the end, THEIR illness ends up controlling YOU. YOU dont get to have fun with your partner for weeks or months at a time because THEIR illness has them in a funk. Want to have some drinks and unwind? Well you are drinking alone because THEIR medication interacts poorly with alcohol. YOU become the jerk for going out with your friends because THEIR illness makes them feel like hiding in a room staring at the wall and YOU are leaving them in their time of need because THEIR illness makes them feel this way.

 

I know I'm painting a bleak picture- and I have nothing but empathy for those with MDD - while people with major depression definitely are deserving of love getting into a serious relationship with someone who has it will relegate you to the role of caregiver at least a large chunk of the time and sometimes all of the time. You will tiptoe around the elephant in the room, their illness.

 

You will at times want to bark at them, "Just snap out of it" which is something they cannot do. You will want to tell them, "You will start to feel better if you get off your a** and just go do something" which is something they cannot understand because they can't get the motivation to get up let alone face the public.

 

To understand how they feel in a major funk, think of one of your worst breakups where you got unexpectedly dumped and your heart was shattered. You wanted to just cry just thinking about your life, you wanted to stare at a wall blankly, everything seemed to suck so bad and you wondered if life was worth living. Thing is, we all eventually get over a breakup; we can go have sex with someone else, we can party it off, we start to meet new people and get excited about intimacy again. People with MDD can go through this 3-6 times per year and sometimes they last months.

 

I have nothing but empathy for these people. But in being with two different women who suffered from it and trying to help them, I've come to the tragic realization that these people are better off staying out of relationships entirely until they have done the work on themselves and their illness to be stable.

 

Beware the person with MDD in the beginning of a relationship. They will look at you as their savior, the person who finally makes them happy, and happy they will be. After a few months the glow wears off and you end up stuck - feeling like a jerk for dumping them because of their illness so you end up staying and trying to help them.

 

Sorry to be blunt, and very sorry to anyone with MDD reading this.

 

 

Thanks for long posting

Im.already experienced some what you mentioned. Oh and this person.doesn't work either . Just collects government disability pay

 

I had dates were we were happy and next day get angry swearing.text calling me f word and you.a hole for since we visited a jewelry store and it got her up.and I.said we.just.go look.and not buy

[thecrucible]

No for a few reasons...

 

 

I had Depression and dated someone whilst I had it. I was really in the wrong place to be dating at the time, and couldn't give the guy what he needed. I wasn't lacking in affection but I was on a downer all the time and nobody wants that.

 

 

Since I had Depression, it would bring me back into it if I dated someone who had it. I really want a relationship where the guy can be strong for both of us when necessary. I wouldn't begrudge cheering someone up who wasn't feeling good, but if it was all the time, it would be a burden.

[Hello_is_it_me]

I work in psych. If they are med compliant and take a proactive interest in self-betterment then no, this dx would not scare me away.

 

What would scare me away is a bipolar w/ borderline personality disorder, aka the "relationship destroyer." Even if med compliant & with ongoing CBT, I wouldn't dare touch them. Even worse if coupled with a history of substance abuse.

[ktya]

Thanks for long posting

Im.already experienced some what you mentioned. Oh and this person.doesn't work either . Just collects government disability pay

 

Sounds exactly like my ex girlfriend. With that fact, IMO you should run like hell. A depressed person sitting on disability will never get better until they are out in the world and in circulation. As you've already seen, they stew and stew and hang on your every word and you hear about it later after theyve taken hours or days to overanalyze.

 

If they have a job and some friends and suffer from depression they might have a chance.

[Hello_is_it_me]

Thanks for long posting

Im.already experienced some what you mentioned. Oh and this person.doesn't work either . Just collects government disability pay

 

I had dates were we were happy and next day get angry swearing.text calling me f word and you.a hole for since we visited a jewelry store and it got her up.and I.said we.just.go look.and not buy

 

Not good. She's not displaying the correct proactivity by sitting on her ass. And if the mood disorder extends into abusiveness towards you then get out asap.

[Downtown]

I had dates were we were happy and next day get angry swearing.text calling me f word and you.a hole for since we visited a jewelry store and it got her up.and I.said we.just.go look.and not buy

Joel, the behaviors you describe -- strong verbal abuse and flipping between liking you one day and hating you the next -- does not sound like a warning sign for depression but, rather, for emotional instability, as occurs with bipolar disorder and BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I therefore suggest you seriously consider Hello's sage warning in post #9 above.

 

Granted, "irritability" can be one of the signs of depression. Yet, the strong verbal abuse and rapid mood changes you describe seem to go well beyond "irritability" and sound more like the instability, verbal abuse, and irrational anger that are red flags for a more serious disorder. Importantly, I'm not saying your GF has bipolar disorder or full-blown BPD. Rather, I am only suggesting that you protect yourself by learning the warning signs for those two disorders so you can spot any strong signs that may appear.

 

If you are interested, an easy place to start reading is my description of differences I've seen between the behaviors of bipolar sufferers (e.g., my foster son) and BPDers (e.g., my exW). That description is in my post at 12 Differences. If you subsequently spot most of those red flags in your GF, I would suggest you see a psychologist -- for a visit or two all by yourself -- to obtain a candid professional opinion on what it is you are dealing with. If you would like to discuss these warning signs here in your thread, it would be helpful to know how long you've been dating your GF, whether her verbal abuse started about 4 to 6 months into the relationship, how often that abuse occurs, and whether she experienced abuse or abandonment in childhood.

[Tayken]

I'll bite....

 

1. All that stuff is going to reverberate round to you

2. How long before they start freaking out at you?

3. If it turns out they can't work, you can find yourself carrying them and if you split...have to pay spousal support for a long time

4. I can't imagine the sex will be great if any

 

I won't put myself out for that....bad enough dealing with a bi-polar person

 

 

Would you date ,relationship,marry a person who has depression and has to take prozac everyday for 3 years . Also goes to counselling to see doctor.

Why or why not. Tell me reasons

Anyone met anyone like this and whats it like

Stories ??

[joel]

Sounds exactly like my ex girlfriend. With that fact, IMO you should run like hell. A depressed person sitting on disability will never get better until they are out in the world and in circulation. As you've already seen, they stew and stew and hang on your every word and you hear about it later after theyve taken hours or days to overanalyze.

 

If they have a job and some friends and suffer from depression they might have a chance.

 

Tried getting her a job at my company but she made excuses like lost me email password, resume cant find, even when I created a new email account for her she never applied

 

Moody girl. One day happy text and next 2 day mad text at me on date 3 days ago since I said no sure if I.want get married ever and she swear at me calling me player. She gets irritable over small things. Told her I got go on phone after talking one hour and she fuss see u so quick to just let me off the phone like you dont care for me

 

Oh.and she always late . Meet at 5 and shes there 645 lol

I wanting meet new gf but it's not easy. Looking to get better job n career and car so im morea attractive

[TheNextLawyer]

Well I better stick my neck out and say as a bipolar-sufferer I may not be brilliant at dating, but that's more to do with my long-term lack of confidence and some bullying scars.

 

I am a pretty fair person, don't accuse or slander often. I also keep giving people chances in general. I also listen well. I take my regime and sleep consistently to keep my health at optimum.

 

So don't just cross us all out. There is about 3 in 200 of us, and everyone deserves some happiness and love.

 

[gaius]

Guys who are on anti-depressants should be banned by law from dating but I'd probably date a woman who was on them. Most of my feminine examples growing up had some level of depression going on.

[seekingpeaceinlove]

Never again.

 

I dated a guy who was on meds for anxiety and depression. I gave the relationship a shot and stuck with it for about a year. It was my first "real" relationship and it was hell dealing with his emotions and episodes. He was a good guy and he was being proactive about treatment but I just could not deal with it..

 

We would have an amazing date and he would end up bawling out of no where. He would cry out of the blue, anxiety episodes, it was bad...

 

IMO, it takes a really stable, patient and confident person to be in a relationship with someone suffering from serious depression.

[kodakgirl]

People deal with depression in different ways and I don't think it's all fair to say a blanket yes or a blanket no. I went through very severe depression five years ago, got on anti-depressants and was lucky enough that they worked very well almost right away with no side-effects, and have been on them ever since. I am a very happy, cheerful, positive, sweet, giving person. I was before the depression and I am now with managed depression/depression in remission. For me and people like me (and actually I know quite a few--wonderful, good-hearted, positive people who've been hit with depression but work very hard to manage it with meds and therapy so you'd never know unless they told you), they're meds like any other. I take my asthma inhaler so I can breathe; I take my anti-depressants so I don't fall into a black pit of despair. I can understand choosing not to date someone who is currently severely depressed and not helped or only mildly helped by meds and therapy but not dating someone just because they've dealt with it in the past and take medication for it seems very prejudiced and unfair to me. I have many reasons I wouldn't (couldn't!) date someone who is currently struggling with severe depression, but I would have no hesitation at all about dating someone who treats his depression and is doing great.

[passion_flower]

I think it depends how depressed really. It's a myth that depressed people can't be fun people to be around.

 

Some of the worlds best comedians suffered from depression. I used to be on anti-depressants myself so I'd like to think I'd have the empathy to relate to them.

[TheNextLawyer]

Well as sod's law, my well-crafted post is relegated to the end of page 1 (for now), so just hope enough people check it out when reading subsequent page(s).

 

I'm quite happy to be the lone voice in one thread if I help reduce foolish stigma even by 10% here.

 

*

 

Gaius - you have earned some of my precious time in checking out your posts, and IMHO you are more swagger than substance. Look forward to giving you my 2 pennies (I'm not a US citizen) full on in subsequent threads.

(And I have a law degree fyi)

[Armegoggon]

Yeah I would date a depressed person. At least I can teach her how to losen up her depression. Honestly, love can cure some part of depression. I've had friends who have been depressed before because their dates broke up with them.

 

The more we spend time together, the less depressed she would feel.

[Downtown]

I'm quite happy to be the lone voice in one thread if I help reduce foolish stigma [about bipolar disorder] even by 10% here.

TNL, I agree that the lay public often mistakenly attributes BPD traits -- such as strong vindictiveness and fits of rage -- to bipolar sufferers. One reason is that BPDers often are misdiagnosed as having bipolar-1. Another reason is that, when a client is diagnosed as having both of those disorders, it is common for therapists to tell him only about the bipolar (not mentioning the BPD so as to protect the client).

 

Moreover, a large share of bipolar sufferers have co-occurring BPD. A 2008 study found that 36% of lifetime bipolar-1 sufferers (and 27% of bipolar-2 sufferers) also had full-blown BPD. Indeed, for people exhibiting bipolar-1 traits recently (in the prior 12 months), the prevalence of BPD was found to be much higher: 50% instead of 36%. See Tables 2 and 3 in 2008 Study in JCP.

 

Consequently, I usually encourage anyone living with an emotionally unstable person to learn how to spot the warning signs for both disorders. Toward that end, I describe the differences I've seen between the behaviors of BPDers (e.g., my exW) and bipolar sufferers (e.g., my foster son) in my post at 12 Differences.

[shinealight]

I have a friend who is dating someone who is depressed and well it's not going so great. They just look so miserable all the time and she is waiting for the right time to dump him. She has tried to help him for the past 3 years but he just won't listen to her. Like i say to her, you can keep trying and keep trying but like i say if nothing is going to happen or your'e partner won't listen then i would just move on and start afresh. Like i say to people you can either be in an unhappy relationship or you can be happy.

Edited April 14, 2014 by shinealight

[CrystalCastles]

I have a close friend who has depression. She's seriously the funniest person to be around. Great sense of humour, she's so bubbly and talkative, I was shocked when she told me she was diagnosed with it. It just didn't seem like it would be her.

 

Dealing with depression is a challenge but it doesn't make a person undatable. In fact, my friend has been with her current boyfriend for over a year, and they're still going steady. It depends on the person's attitude towards depression and what they're willing to do about it.

[Gr8]

Try these bitches over here:

http://www.seksichat.net">