Nlove00 Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Hi all! I would like to hear your advice on my situation, I met this girl and we have been going out as friends, she already know my intentions since I asked her on a date and she said that she was not ready for a new relationship because she felt it was not the right time for her (excuses as she was busy in her new job) and she needed more time. Still she calls me and says things about going out together when she calls me, she wants to go out with me but not as date, I already asked again and she said that things take time and could be in the future. When we go out together we have a great time, she is always asking me out, I only asked her once on 8 or 9 times, I never called her.. and we sometimes talk on the phone for an hour, she always says how much of a great time she have with me and says positive things about me, that I sing pretty well, intelligent, that her mother likes me a lot, that she wants me to be her bothers buddy because I'm a good positive influence for him. So my question is, do you think she is interested in me? How can I make her decide to go on a date, or show a more defined approach into liking me. Thanks for all your advice!
Chocolat Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I think this girl likes you as a friend. If that's what you want, then spend time with her, But don't spend time with her in the hopes that she is going to change her mind about wanting a relationship with you. That's pretty unlikely.
Author Nlove00 Posted April 15, 2014 Author Posted April 15, 2014 Any tips in changing this situation?
bafflio Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 Although respecting the other party is important, as a male you should be more straightforward and assertive. I don't know how many friendly hangouts you have been to - but if you do not up the ante things will remain as they are - friendly and platonic. The thing about 'friend zone' is that the you are letting the situation be. Do not be afraid of rejection, do not be afraid of upsetting the balance. The world is not kind enough for females to offer their hand to you if you do not make the move. You need to take the initiative to make the move otherwise she will think you are content as friends. Guys who are nice and content to remain friends do not get laid because they do not push the issue. As long as you do not escalate and push the boundaries you are letting the ball sit in your court, rotting away. DO NOT let the ball sit in your court. She is still seeing you despite telling you she wasn't ready for a relationship. Does she want a friend or does she want something more? Only you can find out. She won't tell you. She may not even know because she doesn't know if you have the balls! Next time you see her, don't ask her whether she is ready - lead her by examples and actions instead by words. Flirt with her, through words and physical contact. Go in for the kiss. If she turns her head , then kiss her neck. If she backs off, try again. Keep trying until she tells you to **** off. If she lets you make these attempts then it means she doesn't mind it. She will tell you to **** off and cease contact if she really doesn't see you as a potential partner. So if she tells you she wants to remain a friend - and you obviously do not want to - keep pushing the boundaries. Either she will let you or end the relationship. Take time to understand what I mean by keep making these advances - you may think it's uncivilized or disrespectful but it really isn't. You don't know what she really wants. Only you can find out by actively pursuing her and going for it. It is much better to make moves and see the results rather than letting something sit and rot because: 1) you feel like you won't see someone as good her soon or 2) you can't let her go because you like her too much. Don't be something you don't want to be - which in this case would be her friend. 1
sagetalk Posted April 15, 2014 Posted April 15, 2014 So my question is, do you think she is interested in me? How can I make her decide to go on a date, or show a more defined approach into liking me. Ask her out again, at the end of it, try to kiss her or at least escalate a minor move. Try to touch her hair, leg, or face gently. You'll have all the answers you need. If she rejects you, you need to be able to move on. She isn't being nice by friendzoning you. She will use you for how well you treat her because she doesn't get treated well by the jerks she likes to sleep with. Save your romantic affection for girls who want you.
Author Nlove00 Posted April 17, 2014 Author Posted April 17, 2014 Yep. Cut her off from being able to use you. Tell her you have plans...and have them with other women and friends. Live your life. Don't be so available to her. It is possible when she sees you are not so easy to use, and that other women want you, she'll want you more. But it's not a guarantee. But when you have the self esteem not to let yourself be used, women will be more attracted to you. I have gone with this route so far since last week, she called me yesterday because of work (I work for some projects she has, that is how we met) and was very happy to talk to me, asking me how I was many times, like trying to see if I was going to say something more, I just told her I'm doing great... we will have to meet next week and since we have been going out together all weekends for a month I'm sure she will ask why we did not went out or why I did not ask her out, I plan to tell her I was busy in my social life... from that point on, I have the idea that if she asks for us to go out again, I will try two things, one I will try to push into more physical contact and I was also thinking into telling her about how I feel in this situation where I can't be her friend because of my feelings and see what she thinks about it, what do you think of these options? Should I go for that, the two of them, only one, or something else? Thanks again all of you are very helpful!
Author Nlove00 Posted April 25, 2014 Author Posted April 25, 2014 OK people I've gone this way now, we have talked because of work and she has noticed that we have been kind of cold, also because on our last call on the phone, we started talking about random topics (as usual) and I said something she also does as a personal thing and no one knows... she then said... do you think we are soulmates? Do you think soulmates should love each other?? I said, well, we could find out, but she kind of freak out of that and changed the topic... then later we talked about her improvements in the gym but she pointed out that she does not care much about the looks on a potencial partner but a little, I then asked, what do you like about me then? She answered back with "I have to tell you that in person". So we agreed to see next sunday, she said we have been both busy and she has been for many reasons not willing to meet (maybe as she know my intentions already, thinks is not a good idea?) but I pointed out that we need to talk about many topics and that I enjoy being with her and hope she feels the same, to what she said yes, I feel that way too. So there you have it, I plan to talk to her about my condition as a friend and how uncomfortable I feel trying to push her into a relationship (I asked a girl about this and she thinks that could be the reason, not because of me but because she does not want the compromise of a relationship because of her last breakup and her uncertain knowledge about me in that condition) I'm not sure about this but I think about telling her that I will stay as friends but that she will have to understand that my feelings will be there but I wont push her, but will just share good times together and see what happens without any pressure, if it works great if not then thats it. My point is that I dont want to play games and have her miss me or me loosing the chance to share more time with her and maybe make her feel different later, I just dont understand the fact that she always say how great I am and how great is the time we spend together, yet she does not want any commitment... I was thinking myself what if I was another guy she may like just physically, would she jump over him?? Her excuses have changed overtime, first it was "I see you as a friend" then, I'm confused about you and my ex, then I need time, now is "I'm not looking into a relationship now, is not you but me".... Any toughs? at the end I want her to like me and change her mind, I'm willing to try it all. Thanks for any help!!
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