riokid180 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I feel OK sometimes, briefly, in the morning when I first drink coffee. I feel OK talking to my therapist and for about an hour after that. I feel OK surfing or at the gym. But literally every other dang second of my awake hours I feel TERRIBLE. Typical thoughts: I miss her so much I love her so much She was so perfect I'll never find anyone as beautiful again I screwed it up and she left me and I didn't deserve her. If only I did this or that she wouldn't have loved me. Work and everything else in life is so meaningless. I need to immediately hook up with a bunch of other girls, that will show her and make me feel better.
whatsherface Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I know exactly how you feel. I can't even escape him when I sleep because I dream about him every single freakin night and it's been 3 months already. :/
StringsAttached Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 There is no advice anyone in the world can give you that will immediately make you feel better. It's a process man. I went through the same thing, but the good times outnumber the bad now. I still have off days like today but I now know that if I keep myself occupied she will fade. Everything fades. Everything ends. In the meantime avoid contacting/stalking her at all costs. You've seen the meth commercials right? 'Meth, not even once'? Yeah, change Meth to stalking. It's basically the same thing. She isn't yours anymore I know it's an excruciating to swallow that fact but...she's gone, she chose single life/another guy over you, why are you wasting your time obsessing over someone like that? Let her go. 2
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Just keep doing as many of the things that make you feel better. Also change your self talk. She was not perfect & you will find somebody else who is better for you.
Craft81 Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Yeah, I've been feeling quite a bit of that lately myself and I'm on like Day 19 of NC -- it's definitely hard to keep busy.. even motivated to do things I use to love -- she really changed me and destroyed the very core of who I was.. even though I am to blame for our toxic relationship.. my blame with trying to fix it for 2 years and ignored all the red flags. She was my addiction... when things were good. I also feel as if my only way of getting over her is if I find another woman that I'm interested in or is interested in me... because then, it wouldn't matter anymore. It's something new.. but I honestly don't know. Things are pretty hard right now for me.
Jiivy Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 I am where you are, perhaps with a few differences... Whatever it was you did to screw things up, it's done now. Just know that you are both 100% responsible for your 50% of the relationship - she's perfectly entitled to check out, but there is no such thing as a perfect woman and I cannot believe that if your partner was so fantastic they'd have not simply forgiven you for whatever it was. With tiny exception, I have her shadow hanging over me. I can't eat or sleep or feel anything. Every second of every day and she left me over a month ago for nothing more than some other guy. I cannot give you advice on how to make this easier. Just know that for what it's worth, you are not alone in your feeling here... 2
JDPT Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 You must first acknowledge that what you are currently experiencing is completely normal. And as crazy as this may sound, for now, learn to embrace those feeling as excruciating as they may feel, yes we've been there. I can suggest to start by knocking your ex off the pedestal YOU still insist to have her on. She wasn't "perfect" no one is, and if by any chance she was as you claim she is, then you two would still be together to this day. Let me tell you something you already know, it takes two for a relationship to work. You two together can make a relationship the most beautiful experience you can live in this planet or the most excruciating as you are currently experiencing. I commend you in seeing your therapist. Seeing my therapist helped me tremendously when I was going through the pain close to a year ago. Hang strong and know that the pain will eventually subside, it will NOT last forever. However, it's up to you to proactively contribute towards healing. No one else will do it for you. Learn from this experience and allow it to work in your favor. You will come out of this a new and improved you.
Author riokid180 Posted October 17, 2014 Author Posted October 17, 2014 Thought it'd be interesting to post an update. I don't feel miserable anymore. But I do feel angst and I still miss her though I hate to admit it because I want to demonize her. I still wonder if she was the best I am ever going to do and if I really screwed it up or if the dumping was inevitable because we were too incompatible. I'm still in therapy once a week. My therapist still always wants to focus on my childhood. I still date other women regularly although I've settled into a quasi relationship with a new girl the past few weeks. I defriended my ex back in April but I can still see her Instagram. And I still check it daily. There has been no contact since the breakup. She finally took all of her pics of me down.
Justaguy30 Posted October 17, 2014 Posted October 17, 2014 I did all the wrong things in the first few months. I wish I had found this website when I was going through absolute hell. I was there.... Missed her so much I was in physical pain. There is no answer to feeling better other than time. One thing you can do is focus on the things you didn't like about her and start telling yourself in your thoughts that you no longer love her and its over and you can do better. You will do better and even if you never find anyone else you won't have to be with someone that isn't all about you.
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