Jay779 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 We've been dating for 3 months and every week, I've tried to go further by trying to make out with her or massaging her back, but she says that its moving too fast and the farthest we ever go is a peck on the lips. This is the first time I've ever heard making out after 3 months is going too fast from a 22 year old woman. I honestly don't know what to think. I'm getting bored physically in the relationship because she keeps denying my advances. She's never had a boyfriend before, so I get she's nervous and inexperienced, but still.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 If she's planning to save herself for marriage then get used to this.
Smilecharmer Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Jay, at this point in your life what are you seeking with dating? If it is physical only, then release her because she isn't experienced enough to deal with this but if it is love and possibly a future then stay and see where this goes. My husband waited a long time with me because I was scared and inexperienced and it was the sweetest and kindest thing anyone has ever done for me...and I mean a long time. The rewards for him have been great though because I love sex and intimacy even though we have been married for many, many years. So, it is dependent on what you want and if your interest in this girl is greater than your sexual needs right now. 1
slizl Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Am I missing something? It seems like every guy that posts about this subject always talks about massaging their woman's back. I mean, yeah, it feels good, but doesn't do much in terms of turning me on. Maybe women feel differently about this. Thoughts? Doesn't simply making out with some foreplay and maybe a couple of dirty words (under the right circumstances)do the trick just fine? Have I been living a lie my entire life? 1
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Am I missing something? It seems like every guy that posts about this subject always talks about massaging their woman's back. I mean, yeah, it feels good, but doesn't do much in terms of turning me on. Maybe women feel differently about this. Thoughts? Doesn't simply making out with some foreplay and maybe a couple of dirty words (under the right circumstances)do the trick just fine? Have I been living a lie my entire life? Massaging a back is an easy entry into touching without being overtly sexual. So it's "safe." Though it's such a giving-without-recieiving thing that yeah, if it leads nowhere then massaging a clothed girl's back is the equivalent of making contact with the ball and grounding out.
slizl Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Makes sense. I don't think I have massaged a girl since highschool, and I only did it then to get a little side boob action
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 You answered your own Q. She's never had a BF before & she's nervous & inexperienced. The combo means she wants to go more slowly then you do. Emotionally about this subject she's more like a high school girl then a young adult. You have some choices: 1. You can wait to go at her pace. 2. You can work harder to gain her trust & assure her this isn't only about the physical. N.B. If all you want is sex, you're barking up the wrong treat. Even assuming she eventually wants to sleep with you, understand she will be giving you her virginity which is a huge deal & you probably aren't getting that for at least 1 year. 3. You can break up because you are incompatible. 4. You can be a jerk & keep trying to force her into something she's not ready for. While you are here saying you just want to make out, she probably thinks that is just a pretext & you really want more. She also may think if she gives you making out, you are going to quickly move onto more stuff she's not ready for.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Makes sense. I don't think I have massaged a girl since highschool, and I only did it then to get a little side boob action I do the both-of-us-naked massage thing with my girl. Her laying on her stomach. It's a good way for the guy to at least get a little something out of it. Great foreplay thing. But yeah, a clothed back massage I only use if her back is hurting from a long work day.
Author Jay779 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) Jay, at this point in your life what are you seeking with dating? If it is physical only, then release her because she isn't experienced enough to deal with this but if it is love and possibly a future then stay and see where this goes. My husband waited a long time with me because I was scared and inexperienced and it was the sweetest and kindest thing anyone has ever done for me...and I mean a long time. The rewards for him have been great though because I love sex and intimacy even though we have been married for many, many years. So, it is dependent on what you want and if your interest in this girl is greater than your sexual needs right now. How slow did you guys move specifically before you go to sex? just curious. Also, why would you have been "scared?" Im confused why you would be scared to be intimate with someone Edited April 10, 2014 by Jay779
Smilecharmer Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) How slow did you guys move specifically before you go to sex? just curious Oh, no, this is so awful, makes me sound so terrible, but here it goes. I was very young, but oral took three months,and intercourse happened on our wedding night. I had traditional and old fashioned ideas....so it was slooooow, poor man. I had no idea because I had never had sex and he had had sex a whole lot. I didn't want to be just another woman to him either since he is incredibly good looking and sexy. I just didn't know what I was asking because if you have never had sex you don't know what you are missing. I was extreme and very, very innocent so don't think it will take this long for her necessarily. I also thought all men were dicks so..... I was kind of an ice princess and he had to melt me. Now I am very enthusiastic, and we have been married for a long time. I tried very hard not to like him because I had no intention of ever getting married. I had seen too much destruction and dysfunction in marriages so I was a hard case. I am sure she won't be like me. P.s. I was scared because I grew up in a religious household where sex before marriage meant eternal hell and fire pits. I was also scared because everyone seemed to get pregnant and I didn't not want children. Abuse is a terrible thing too so you don't trust anyone. As I said, it was extreme, but is really found the perfect man for me who taught me to question everything I ever believed. Edited April 10, 2014 by Smilecharmer
Gaeta Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Jay: If she is getting boring without the sex then after the sex it will be as boring. If you want to casually date with sex then she is not the girl for you. This one will need patience and commitment and the way you are thinking you don't have it in you. Yes for some young women it's scary to be intimate for the first time. And more we wait to be intimate more scary it becomes. I know women close to their 30s who never had sex and to them it's a HUGE deal. They are afraid it will be very painful and they're afraid after the fact the guy will bail. So have a conversation with her. Ask her what she needs to feel secure enough in this relationship to be intimate. How long she needs. Is she saving herself for marriage. Listen to her answer then ask yourself if you are the man for her. 1
Author Jay779 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 Oh, no, this is so awful, makes me sound so terrible, but here it goes. I was very young, but oral took three months,and intercourse happened on our wedding night. I had traditional and old fashioned ideas....so it was slooooow, poor man. I had no idea because I had never had sex and he had had sex a whole lot. I didn't want to be just another woman to him either since he is incredibly good looking and sexy. I just didn't know what I was asking because if you have never had sex you don't know what you are missing. I was extreme and very, very innocent so don't think it will take this long for her necessarily. I also thought all men were dicks so..... I was kind of an ice princess and he had to melt me. Now I am very enthusiastic, and we have been married for a long time. I tried very hard not to like him because I had no intention of ever getting married. I had seen too much destruction and dysfunction in marriages so I was a hard case. I am sure she won't be like me. P.s. I was scared because I grew up in a religious household where sex before marriage meant eternal hell and fire pits. I was also scared because everyone seemed to get pregnant and I didn't not want children. Abuse is a terrible thing too so you don't trust anyone. As I said, it was extreme, but is really found the perfect man for me who taught me to question everything I ever believed. 3 months for oral is a lot better than 3 months without even making out yet. You sound a lot like my girlfriend actually, she is very innocent and traditional as well and doesn't trust men a lot due to her parents divorcing and her father being abusive to her mom.
TheGuard13 Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 "Side boob action"? Sounds like you two are incompatible in some very basic respects.
TB Rhine Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Either she's not into you or she has some pretty horrendous abuse in her past. Either way I'd say run for the hills.
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