ExposedBrick Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I met a girl at a bar last Thursday. We made a brunch date for the following Sunday in which she canceled an hour ahead of time. She asked to reschedule at that time, so I agreed to the following week. It's Thursday again and haven't heard a word from her since Sunday. I don't want to be accusatory but flaking g annoys me tremendously. Is there a tactful way to try to firm up a potential flake? I've already lost confidence in her at this point so she probably won't get a fair shot either way. I'm a busy guy and don't like to waste my time.
Jethro Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 You are a busy guy... why waste your time? I'd cut the cord. 1
Zahara Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I think people flake out because they aren't interested. Best to keep moving along. There's no way of firming up a flake. They're being flakey for a reason. Back in the day I used to do that to guys I was kinda-not sure-maybe-don't know whether I'm interested in. If you're a busy guy, then she just freed up some of your time to go out there and date available women. 1
Author ExposedBrick Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 I think people flake out because they aren't interested. Best to keep moving along. There's no way of firming up a flake. They're being flakey for a reason. Back in the day I used to do that to guys I was kinda-not sure-maybe-don't know whether I'm interested in. If you're a busy guy, then she just freed up some of your time to go out there and date available women. Is there anyway to confirm the date ahead of time ? I already started making a back up plan? I really don't wish to give a flake a second chance, it's never panned out in the past. Would it be too accusatory to say something like: I just wanted to confirm we are on for Sunday, otherwise I am going out of town? Thoughts?
Zahara Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) Is there anyway to confirm the date ahead of time ? I already started making a back up plan? I really don't wish to give a flake a second chance, it's never panned out in the past. Would it be too accusatory to say something like: I just wanted to confirm we are on for Sunday, otherwise I am going out of town? Thoughts? This is how I look at it. You planned a date. She canceled an hour before. She asked to reschedule. You agreed. Don't you think that she should be showing some level of interest in at least following up with you? She should have the decency to carry out the plan since she canceled your efforts. Why are you chasing? You met the girl at a bar for a few hours. If you don't hear back. Go about with your plans. "I just wanted to confirm we are on for Sunday, otherwise I am going out of town?" That screams you're sitting around waiting for her to let you go about your life. Don't do that. If by tomorrow you don't hear back, carry on with whatever else you have going on. The world doesn't stop because a flakey girl you just met at a bar doesn't have the ability to send a 5 second text to confirm plans. Edited April 10, 2014 by Zahara
Author ExposedBrick Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 This is how I look at it. You planned a date. She canceled an hour before. She asked to reschedule. You agreed. Don't you think that she should be showing some level of interest in at least following up with you? She should have the decency to carry out the plan since she canceled your efforts. Why are you chasing? You met the girl at a bar for a few hours. If you don't hear back. Go about with your plans. "I just wanted to confirm we are on for Sunday, otherwise I am going out of town?" That screams you're sitting around waiting for her to let you go about your life. Don't do that. If by tomorrow you don't hear back, carry on with whatever else you have going on. The world doesn't stop because a flakey girl you just met at a bar doesn't have the ability to send a 5 second text to confirm plans. Should I not show up then if I don't hear anything?
Zahara Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Should I not show up then if I don't hear anything? I'm not clear from your first post. You said she wanted to postpone. You agreed for next week. So there is a time and day scheduled and confirmed by both of you? What was the conversation?
Valen Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I really don't wish to give a flake a second chance, it's never panned out in the past. Thoughts? Sounds like you didn't learn from your past mistakes. 2
Author ExposedBrick Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 I'm not clear from your first post. You said she wanted to postpone. You agreed for next week. So there is a time and day scheduled and confirmed by both of you? What was the conversation? On the first Sunday, she said she wasn't feeling well and asked to reschedule for the following weekend. I suggested a day and time, she then agreed. Given the initial cancellation smelled a little like BS, I don't have any confidence she'll show this time around. I'd hate to assume she is a flake but I just can't imagine a legit excuse to cancel an hour ahead of time. Since a time/place was already decided, I'm not sure what to do.
Zahara Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 On the first Sunday, she said she wasn't feeling well and asked to reschedule for the following weekend. I suggested a day and time, she then agreed. Given the initial cancellation smelled a little like BS, I don't have any confidence she'll show this time around. I'd hate to assume she is a flake but I just can't imagine a legit excuse to cancel an hour ahead of time. Since a time/place was already decided, I'm not sure what to do. Really, one hour before and she's suddenly not feeling well. I call BS. Since you already confirmed a day and time, just send a text and say, "Are we still confirmed for Sunday?" That's it. Personally, I would have just let this one go after I'm sick one hour before meeting. 1
preraph Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I have to agree that she's just not the girl for you because flaking is very annoying to all but other flakes. I'd say if you end up out, fine, but there's no way to make one start being reliable and punctual. I had a roommate and a sister like that and while I love them both, I'd want no part of it in a mate!
Author ExposedBrick Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 Really, one hour before and she's suddenly not feeling well. I call BS. Since you already confirmed a day and time, just send a text and say, "Are we still confirmed for Sunday?" That's it. Personally, I would have just let this one go after I'm sick one hour before meeting. I think I might just not show up or cancel and move along. People are so annoying. Flaking is 10x worse than a simple rejection. 1
Zahara Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) I think I might just not show up or cancel and move along. People are so annoying. Flaking is 10x worse than a simple rejection. Just cancel and move on. If you're planning on not showing up, it's going to make you feel like crap if she shows up and ends up waiting for you. Best to just be the bigger person, cancel and move on. Edited April 10, 2014 by Zahara 2
Valen Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Flaking is 10x worse than a simple rejection. Yup, that's why I don't tolerate it, esp from a girl who I barely met. If someone flakes on me and reschedule, I simply respond like "no thanks, take care." Delete number right away.
blueskyday Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) Call or text to confirm. That's polite. Don't bail on plans you made. If she cancels again, the delete her number for good. She's a flake. But right now she's a potential flake. I once had to reschedule a date one hour before due to illness. I wanted to go and kept hoping all day that I would feel better. But I got worse! That's why I cancelled so late. We went out the next weekend! Midweek, he called to confirm and see how I was feeling. I like to give the benefit of the doubt at first. One more chance. If it happens twice, then it's obvious. Time to move on. Edited April 10, 2014 by blueskyday
Author ExposedBrick Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 Call or text to confirm. That's polite. Don't bail on plans you made. If she cancels again, the delete her number for good. She's a flake. But right now she's a potential flake. I once had to reschedule a date one hour before due to illness. I wanted to go and kept hoping all day that I would feel better. But I got worse! That's why I cancelled so late. We went out the next weekend! Midweek, he called to confirm and see how I was feeling. I like to give the benefit of the doubt at first. One more chance. If it happens twice, then it's obvious. Time to move on. I used to give people the benefit of the doubt. Now, I assume ill intention until proven otherwise since it is far more likely. Short of seeing a doctor's report, I have a very difficult time believing any last minute cancel.
Joaquin Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 When someone flakes it's on them to make it happen the next time. Ball is firmly in their court, and if they're in any way keen they will do the rescheduling, confirming etc. Let this one come to you.......or not!
AncientEchos Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Wow. I'm not sure whether to laugh or feel sorry for you and the lady in question. So, she may have indeed been ill and needed to cancel or her enthusiasm level for meeting with you is not there. You won't give her a chance even if you do attempt another date with her, which means your enthusiasm for getting to know her is nonexistent. Cancel the date! Don't just disappear with no word. I don't know about you, but I have never been bored enough to go out with someone I don't truly enjoy and want to get to know better. I always have something better to do, even if it is staying home curled up on the couch with a good book.
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