ABrokenNerd Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 So, I was hanging out with mutual friends for a gathering, and my ex popped by and her current bf was there too. I was avoiding anything that could possibly spurn an interaction for awhile, because I wasn't sure how I'd react, but believe me when I say that this time, it didn't effect my decision to go at all. It's been a few months of NC, I've think I lost count but its bordering on 6 months now I think? Anyway, when she first walked in to the venue, to be cordial I waved and say hello, and she stared at me, said nothing and continued to walk on. Besides that, maybe one sentence was shared, but it was so brief I don't even remember what the context was. Here is where the realization comes in. I can honestly say that if this happened 6 months ago, I would have been hurt and crushed. Now, I didnt even bother to think about it. It was weird sure, and I did wonder why cordiality was out of the question, but that thought lasted about 5 seconds, and I continued my evening enjoying it because at that's really what mattered. I feel as if though, hurt, although after a breakup it can be the most prominent defining emotion in terms of how we progress and how we limit ourselves, it is more debilitating then anything. It can serve as a means to show us how to mold ourselves to not succumb to it. Fear, is the true enemy here. Fear is so preventative that if you let it, it can limit you from moving on way more then the hurt can. We as people become so comfortable with our lives, and our past that the fear we have of change can prevent us from growing as people. In the context of a post breakup situation, the fear of rejection, never being loved, never finding someone, your ex finding someone new, never being able to reconcile.... these sorts of things can prevent us from moving on. There is no point to live in fear of what your ex does. I was in that stage before NC, and it caused me to live in reaction to what my ex did. Not a great place to be. It's hard to explain how I surpassed this. 6 months ago, a friend could have told me all of these things till their face turned blue and I wouldn't have realized it. It just happened. It clicked within my mind. Perhaps it was a mixture of slowly developing indifference, plus being sick of staying in reaction mode all the time. I just feel for the first time in a bit, that I know I will be okay no matter what happens and its so intoxicating and liberating to feel this way To anyone else who is going through a breakup, or the aftermaths of which I offer thee some humble advice. What ever you choose to do to help you cope, or achieve the end result you want, be consistent. Don't let up. The answer you get might not be the one you seek, but it will be the one you need. Sometimes people will offer you the greatest advice in the world but it is your life. Sometimes you need to get the answers from yourself, because that is the only way you can come to a realization you can trust in. Thanks for reading. Sorry for long post. 5
Jiivy Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Thank you for posting this. Although most of us (myself included) are not exactly excited by the prospect of getting to this stage of indifference, I know that in time I will get there - desire or not. I give you heart and wish you all the courage in the world going forward. I hope you find that next someone.
mangetout Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Great post and says a lot of truth. Time does heal
DannyCA Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Well said man. Good to hear you're at that point!
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