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I'm just begging for her to hurt me again :/ [Update: I finally ended it!!!!]

Dante311

By Dante311
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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cdt76 Established Member

cdt76

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The thing about being alone is that if we are not actively engaged in something, our mind takes over and runs us into the ground. I lived through that and I can tell you, being alone, working on you, building your own world, will make you a much stronger and better person. And if you are all that, then F her for being such a witch. If you are walking around on egg shells, that's no way to live. Get out from under the fear of being you.

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Dante311 Established Member

Dante311

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She went into one of her tantrums last night. Via text, refusing to talk face to face.

 

So all I did was tell her I love her, I always will, but to let me know when I. Can get all my things from her place. The sooner the better.

 

I'm full of a range of emotions... I'm grieving the loss of having someone.... But then again... After two years... I only saw her once or twice a week. She never made any effort in our relationship. Sad. Pathetic. I am better than that.

 

I'm sure she'll do her thing... And then miss me again. I have to be strong is what I keep telling myself.

 

 

Any advice besides the obvious take care of myself which I'm already doing?

 

Thanks!

 

:)

 

Oy... Single life again. I'll never get married at this rate.

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potsticker Established Member

potsticker

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hey, don't make marriage a goal! what if it's not what you expected when you get there? :laugh: Smell dem flowers!

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

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I would get your sh*t as quickly as possible and get out of there. Chances are she thinks you're just posturing. Time to move on dude. You already know this.

Thomas the Red Fox Established Member

Thomas the Red Fox

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Yep, stay strong brother. Get the stuff and cut this psycho off. I don't know how on Earth you'd want to have married someone like this cray woman.

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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Besides taking care of yourself, be mentally, if not emotionally prepared for the cycle to repeat itself. When she realizes that she may be losing what she has, she may revert to being nice or trying to pull you back again. And she will try. In your head you have to be steadfast on two very blatant facts 1) she/situation won't change 2) she's isn't doing it for the right reasons. If she tries again, you have to hold on to that and push yourself to break the cycle.

 

This isn't going to be easy for you but you have to be solid in your decision to move on and be done with it.

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Brutus Established Member

Brutus

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She went into one of her tantrums last night. Via text, refusing to talk face to face.

 

So all I did was tell her I love her, I always will, but to let me know when I. Can get all my things from her place. The sooner the better.

 

I'm full of a range of emotions... I'm grieving the loss of having someone.... But then again... After two years... I only saw her once or twice a week. She never made any effort in our relationship. Sad. Pathetic. I am better than that.

 

I'm sure she'll do her thing... And then miss me again. I have to be strong is what I keep telling myself.

 

 

Any advice besides the obvious take care of myself which I'm already doing?

 

Thanks!

 

:)

 

Oy... Single life again. I'll never get married at this rate.

 

Well done! I wish someone had told me to do the same when I was in your situation! It would have spared me lots of pain and self-torturing. Do not look back!

elseaacych Established Member

elseaacych

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Glad to see you've made the right decision for you to end the relationship. It's going to be tough. (It is tough to leave someone you love who happens to have mental health issues.) But in the long run you will be so much better for the person you eventually fall in love with, and YOURSELF.

 

So, just ride that roller coaster. Feel the emotions as deeply as you need to. Treat yourself well for the next couple of weeks. Hang in there. Stay strong and it's all going to be okay. We're all pulling for you.

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smileforelena Established Member

smileforelena

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:)

 

Oy... Single life again. I'll never get married at this rate.

 

I sooo know the feeling. After a relationship where you felt like it could have led to marriage..its so tough to just shake it off and move on and try to start over (yet again) and stay positive..its a dark place. but you know what another way of looking at it is you are being saved from a bigger devastation of marrying the one you are not supposed to. these days when i think of my ex i picture him as an item in a grocery store. he was on the "hot new item" display, he moved to the "favorites - cant get enough of u aisle" to "everyday essentials" to "on sale" bottom rack at the back of the store. Now he is being wheeled out of the store because he is expired. But the store is still up and running. Looking forward for the new items. Lol. Im sorry. sometimes i just feel like i need to make light of things. makes it easier to cope.

 

So dont say you'll never get married...you will. And when that day comes you will look back at this point in your life and smile.

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Dante311 Established Member

Dante311

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I am a fool. I really want her back...

 

wtf

 

i'm pathetic

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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I am a fool. I really want her back...

 

wtf

 

i'm pathetic

 

The last thing you need to be doing is negatively breaking yourself down. This isn't the time for that. You're not a fool and neither are you pathetic. You have conditioned yourself to tolerate and accept abuse. With that the highest highs and lowest lows have fed you and like an addict you are wanting more. Breaking away from that is hard and painful.

 

Like any addiction, cold turkey is the only way to go.

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Dante311 Established Member

Dante311

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The last thing you need to be doing is negatively breaking yourself down. This isn't the time for that. You're not a fool and neither are you pathetic. You have conditioned yourself to tolerate and accept abuse. With that the highest highs and lowest lows have fed you and like an addict you are wanting more. Breaking away from that is hard and painful.

 

Like any addiction, cold turkey is the only way to go.

 

you make that sound so easy.

 

she's blowing hot and cold right now. one second she wants to see me and try to go to therapy with me. the next (like right now) not at all...

 

 

 

thank you all...

 

:/

 

:(

Zahara Established Member

Zahara

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you make that sound so easy.

 

she's blowing hot and cold right now. one second she wants to see me and try to go to therapy with me. the next (like right now) not at all...

 

 

 

thank you all...

 

:/

 

:(

 

It's not easy. I just said it is going to be hard and painful. And I've been in an abusive relationship. I understand how hard it is to break free.

 

She's always blown hot and cold. This time it is no different. As I said before, the cycle will always repeat itself. She will blow hot and cold to manipulate the situation to get you where she wants you to be.

 

There is no love when she does this. It's based on fulfilling a need. Her needs.

 

You can ride that cycle over and over again, the outcome never changes.

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smileforelena Established Member

smileforelena

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I am a fool. I really want her back...

 

wtf

 

i'm pathetic

 

Hey

 

I know nothing we say right now will make you feel better. right now use your mind not your heart..easier said than done...go out do something. go for a run, get a drink, call someone, distract yourself with something. just to stop thinking about her.

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Dante311 Established Member

Dante311

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Hey

 

I know nothing we say right now will make you feel better. right now use your mind not your heart..easier said than done...go out do something. go for a run, get a drink, call someone, distract yourself with something. just to stop thinking about her.

 

thank you!

bluegreen Established Member

bluegreen

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Poor thing. You're gonna come on here for advice and in the end not take it anyway. For your sake I hope she dumps you once and for all. Then you can work on your self esteem get some counseling, get a new one if your already getting counseling.

 

Yap we can't help unless you help yourself

Simon Phoenix Established Member

Simon Phoenix

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Just read this thread and dear god OP, where did your pride go? This girl is going to continue to play you like a fiddle because somewhere along the way, you've lost all your self-respect and dignity and became a groveling wuss. If you are foolish enough to go back to this girl again (unfortunately, I have read nothing from you that indicates that you have the self-confidence or dignity to stand up for yourself) this pattern is going to repeat. There's absolutely no reason for this woman to respect you or your wishes because you don't respect yourself. It's time for you to (for lack of a better term) relocate and reattach your balls.

 

Get out of this relationship and don't get into another one until you figure out what happened to the guy that wasn't a scaredy-cat, that wasn't afraid of his own shadow, that wouldn't be willing to lick turds off his girlfriend's feet. I doubt you've been this insecure your whole life -- it's time for you to find the real you, not this frightened shell which you've become. You can do this, but you have to want to do this. Otherwise, nothing that is said on here will have any positive effect on you.

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Dante311 Established Member

Dante311

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Well, I guess that's it then.

 

I know that this is not the end. I will continue to live, breath, eat, walk, sleep, sht, love, hate, be bold, allow fear to consume me, hold, let go, cherish, take for granted, cry, laugh, smile, frown...

 

I know this is not the end. You all are right, my friends are right, my family is right... this woman is toxic. She is a never ending flux of emotion that proceeds by conditioning me to be present at her every whim.

 

 

I'll miss her... or the thought of her. I did end it, there's no turning that one around. *sigh*

Edited by Dante311
Jay77098 Member

Jay77098

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Dante: Please listen to the replies that have been posted here. I know that it is excruciating to leave a woman that you care for. But these people are absolutely right. This woman is showing you absolutely ZERO respect. No respect for your feelings, no respect for you as a person, certainly nothing that indicates that she has any emotional commitment to the relationship. I just left a relationship very similar to yours, where my ex-GF was telling me that she was happy to be with me but was shopping around for other men the whole time. It hurts, badly, to break it off. But you will be OK in a couple of months and you will find someone who actually wants to be with you and will treat you like you deserve to be treated. Exercise your self-respect, go through the pain, and your life will get better.

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Dante311 Established Member

Dante311

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It's so hard... trying to move on.

Thicke2013 Established Member

Thicke2013

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It's so hard... trying to move on.

 

It is hard but only for a short time. Trust me, I ended a relationship with my BP ex last year after 16 years together. Parts of me second guessed every time I would think of her. Now, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. IN MY LIFE! Hear that Dante. You will get through this and you will come out on top.

 

One thing you have to stop doing is drawing your self worth from her and this relationship. You said yourself that other aspects of your life seem to be going well. Other relationships like with family are good? Listen, I still have bouts with self pity because my self esteem took such a hit when I was with my ex. Pity will get you nowhere. You have to move on and in no time you will look back and wonder why you felt so bad in the first place. Good luck.

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