tjhunt37 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Yeah so I find it difficult for me to approach a women because of my anxiety, I get all hyped up and say like yeah I am going to do it but then I end up backing out, I don't know what it is, I feel like if I'm going to do it I may come off creepy or something and the fact that I was bullied for being ugly (all guys school) in high school also adds to my anxiety.. But when I moved to college, some girls have told me I am cute etc and very attractive by one person, but I don't know my mixed emotions from high school of how ****ed up it was prevents me from talking to them…. Even my other college mates are getting worried about me as they know I haven't had a relationship in a long time etc. I haven't been called ugly by my guy mates at all, so I was wondering how do I actually push myself to go up and flirt with a girl at a pub or whatever? All my other mates can do it but I find it pretty darn difficult, I keep backing down and they think that I am a ***** sometimes, but they don't know my past ( I don't want them to either) But yeah I was wondering how I could approach them without my emotions and past holding me back? I always have the gut feeling that a women's going to call me one of the most ugliest creatures on the planet or something cruel like that, when I was back in high school, I don't want to die forever alone :'(
Omei Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 You only get your youth and looks once in life, if you ever get rejected at least you know you didnt waste time and can chase after the next beauty. think about it, hope it helps.
Smilecharmer Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 TJ, the cruelty of your classmates is so sad. Why boys would comment on your looks tells me they were in competition with you for some reason. In other words, I wouldn't let their words into my head anymore. I would listen more to the girls since they would actually know more about male attractiveness. I think approaching just takes practice. Maybe watch how others do it and to assimilate their actions to a certain degree as long as it isn't too creepy or disrespectful. High school is such a rough time for people and the truth is that it lasts such a short time and real life can be better.
Author tjhunt37 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 TJ, the cruelty of your classmates is so sad. Why boys would comment on your looks tells me they were in competition with you for some reason. In other words, I wouldn't let their words into my head anymore. I would listen more to the girls since they would actually know more about male attractiveness. I think approaching just takes practice. Maybe watch how others do it and to assimilate their actions to a certain degree as long as it isn't too creepy or disrespectful. High school is such a rough time for people and the truth is that it lasts such a short time and real life can be better. Yeah thats the thing, my female friends think I am attractive and are quite surprised that I am single, they just don't know my past, I keep somehow friend zoning them because I am prevented from my past to actually hit on them.
mema1982 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE FILLING COS I'V BEEN THERE ...!!! SO HERE IS WHAT YOU MUST DO (witch i did also): 1.smile allot - even to people you don't know 2.say Hi to girls and smile (than you can say "just wanted to tell you that ur cute"... a little complement ETC...) 3.when you get use to talking just like that AND SMILING IS A KEY HERE !!! you will see an amazing change in your life guarantee you!!!!
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 It's college. You get to reinvent yourself. Nobody knows the geeky guy you may have been in HS. I have one of those real names that lends itself to multiple nicknames. I hated the shortened version of my name that everybody in high school called me but I didn't have the guts to tell them. In college I simply introduced myself to people using the name I preferred. It took some of my BFFs a while to make the transition but that simple little name change really helped me to overcome my social anxiety because it made me a whole new person. Just breathe & smile. You will be fine. Old age is a long way off from college. You don't have anything to worry about at this point. You also have a lot of changing & growing to do before graduation. Happy exploring.
ExposedBrick Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 It's college. You get to reinvent yourself. Nobody knows the geeky guy you may have been in HS. I have one of those real names that lends itself to multiple nicknames. I hated the shortened version of my name that everybody in high school called me but I didn't have the guts to tell them. In college I simply introduced myself to people using the name I preferred. It took some of my BFFs a while to make the transition but that simple little name change really helped me to overcome my social anxiety because it made me a whole new person. Just breathe & smile. You will be fine. Old age is a long way off from college. You don't have anything to worry about at this point. You also have a lot of changing & growing to do before graduation. Happy exploring. As one who had the same problems, it's important to realize this is quite common and no one like having the spotlight on their ego. Take baby steps to work your way up. It's sounds like your probably a little shy in general, which is normal. I'd try to focus on being more outgoing in general to start. I haven't found forced approaches at bars to yield great results. However, you should harness a degree of curiosity about others. Sincere interest in another person will elicit attraction more so than anything else. Don't focus on some goal of hooking up or getting a date. Just practice making conversation and things will come naturally. If you have a rigid goal, you will often feeling more rejected. Keep in mind you don't know a girl's situation and there is a great chance if you get rejected it has nothing to do with you. Even if you do get rejected, there are billions of women on Earth to practice. If your friends add to your level of self-conscience, try going out alone. It seems daunting but you'll be forced to step out of your comfort zone. I recommend this easy read: How to Be Outgoing (with Tips and Conversation Examples) Once you get the hang of being curious, you won't struggle with the daunting icebreaker. Just remember, BE CUURIOS! Other people line to talk about themselves. Make a statement, ask a question, observe your surroundings such as the person's clothing/apparel, what they are eating or drinking, an accidental eavesdropping, it all works. Best of all you aren't a creep if you're being genuine!
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