Izzy8 Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Be honest and straight to the point. I just need an explanation. Background Ex and I dated 18 months. During that time we hurt each other etc. He cheated. I lied. Last straw was when we were talking about moving in together. The next night he meets someone off a dating app and kisses her. I dump him. He emails me and tells me he is sorry. She wasn’t that good a kisser. He loves me. It was a mistake he was just trying to compare and see if there was anyone better than me. But he doesn’t like her at all. 3 months pass. I talk to him anonymously on a dating website (he does not know its me he is talking too, he thinks its an anonymous person) and he tells me he has met a beautiful woman and is dating her. etc That he is deleting this account but it was nice chatting to ms anonymous. Long story short I begin to wonder maybe he did know it was me. I contact him via text. I said hi, small talk. He then tells me about this girl he is now dating: He says 1) She is perfect 2) I am going to marry her 3) My whole family lover her 4) She is my everything, my relationship with you was just something I had to go through to lead me to my true soulmate He has known her 3 months and has moved in with her. Why would he tell me this? In the end I got feb up and said “I do not care. I also do not care that I lost you because you were not worth it to begin with. Wish you all the best. Bye. “ Question: Why would my ex keep going on and on about this new girl? Is it to hurt me? Make me jealous? What does he want from this? Also I found out through a mutual friend that this “perfect” girl was the SAME girl he cheated on me with i.e kissing. The girl he claimed he didn’t like and wasn’t a good kisser. Yes I know NC is best. I just needed to vent. Why do ex's do this?
bluegreen Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Am really curious on hearing and answer to this to
pickflicker Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Sweetie, you texted him asking him how he was, and he told you. He assumed you were being friendly. The lesson is, never ask for someone's counsel/opinion/anything, unless you're prepared to hear something you don't want to. 12
arghzme Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 They do this because they are over you and they don't give a **** about how you'd feel about it. They do it cuz they just don't care anymore. The best we can do is NC. Trust me. Only way to get over them. And don't every do this with the objective of trying to win them back. Cuz, they are never coming back. It was f***ing never meant to be! 1
pickflicker Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 They do this because they are over you and they don't give a **** about how you'd feel about it. They do it cuz they just don't care anymore. The best we can do is NC. Trust me. Only way to get over them. And don't every do this with the objective of trying to win them back. Cuz, they are never coming back. It was f***ing never meant to be! Not always. You have to wonder how "friendly" the OP was with her enquiry. How much she pushed for details about "how he was". You can't then be upset if the person says what they feel. If someone asks for my opinion on something, I give them an out, before I say what I think. As in "Ok, I'm happy to give my opinion, and I'm happy for you to get pissy about it, but just remember, you asked." My girlfriends (and guyfriends) do the same. Truth is the highest moral code, as my mother says. It's easy to avoid this situation, she could have just maintained NC. But she went looking - that's hardly her ex's fault for telling the truth. 4
arghzme Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Not always. You have to wonder how "friendly" the OP was with her enquiry. How much she pushed for details about "how he was". You can't then be upset if the person says what they feel. If someone asks for my opinion on something, I give them an out, before I say what I think. As in "Ok, I'm happy to give my opinion, and I'm happy for you to get pissy about it, but just remember, you asked." My girlfriends (and guyfriends) do the same. Truth is the highest moral code, as my mother says. It's easy to avoid this situation, she could have just maintained NC. But she went looking - that's hardly her ex's fault for telling the truth. Agreed, I assumed that the ex gave all the information w/o the OP asking. Cuz she mentions a decent NC from her end.
Author Izzy8 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Posted April 10, 2014 Thanks all. The issue was I never asked about his relo status. I never asked anything about his family. His life. I just said "hi hows the new job going". He then launched into everything all about his new gf. I was like "ok... im very happy for you". Just tried to keep it cival. He wouldn't let it go without pushing the facts on me that his new gf was better than me. In the end I left the conversation. That behavior is what left me wondering why. If I had asked about his life his gf his familt ok I asked for it. But as I never bought the subject up it left me baffled. Ive gone back to NC and won't break it again.
CarrieT Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 That behavior is what left me wondering why. He is simply validating the decisions he made and putting all his eggs and a reflection of who he is in this new relationship. There is nothing really to wonder and - like others have said - the reason to stay NC. 7
Chi townD Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 Rule of thumb. When someone has to go out their way to tell you how perfect their new person is or how perfect their lives are; then, chances are their life isn't THAT great. They just need to convince themselves that it is. 8
d0nnivain Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 It doesn't matter if his new life is perfect or if he only wants you to think it is. He's your EX. You need to stop caring how his life is. He cheated on you while you were talking about moving in together? You can't honestly want that back? 4
hotpotato Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 That new person is always perfect. Sometimes they may be. Usually he sees this person through rose colored glasses. She probably does a few things you didnt or does a few things better, which to your ex makes her perfect . Most of the time reality slaps them in the face! 3
KaliLove Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 You (deservedly!) dumped his cheating butt..you bruised his ego so he was pouring lemon juice in your wounds for revenge. Charming. You're much better off without this cheating loser anyway. 3
Author Izzy8 Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 (edited) You are all correct. Im sorry its just hard. I thought he would be sorry but he isn’t. Instead he is cocky, and loves claiming his life is now perfect (now that im not there). I am moving on, just not emotionally. I did love this man very much. Everything that I wanted with him, all the frustrations of dealing with him being unemployed, being depressed, having to motivate him to want to improve his life. All these things he instantly now possesses within 3 months of meeting this new woman when I had to deal with 2am calls and rushing to his house because he was going to kill himself. Pulling him out of bed to go to work, watching him get fired over and over again. Losing jobs, losing friends. And the entire time I stood by him, getting him work, paying his bills, planning surprises, supporting him financially and emotionally to the point of near bankruptcy. I just don’t understand how someone can magically change. If he is happy im glad. I just don’t enjoy the gloating or pushing it on me. NC is best I need to heal. It’s just like she got the man I wanted all along and the life I wanted with him without dealing with any of the negatives I had to deal with over 2 years. He changed into this happy go lucky person and I was worrying over him for months, worried he wasnt ok. Wasting thoughts and agonising if he was dead or alive because of all the sucidal threats. And the whole time he is happy as can be... which im glad for. I just wasted my time. Sorry for the vent. Edited April 11, 2014 by Izzy8
KaliLove Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Don't be sorry. This is exactly the right place to vent! It sounds like he has some very severe and potentially dangerous mental issues that he's not taking care of. Those patterns and that behavior is not normal. I would put money on this new relationship not working out. In fact, I'd be willing to put money on him not being able to hang onto any relationship ever, unless he gets some serious therapy going. You can't help him. You need to walk away for your own sanity. 3
Author Izzy8 Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 (edited) Well... a strange turn of events. I am on my usual dating website and a girl messages me. I have my profile set to bisexual so girls can message me. I check out her profile and she says she is part of a couple. Okay. I then click on her photos and there is a nice picture of her and my EX BF. So I guess the perfect woman and her perfect man are trying to hit me up for a threesome. WTF. I need a drink. How to even respond to that. Maybe she doesnt know im his ex? Edited April 11, 2014 by Izzy8
KaliLove Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Umm..EWW! She absolutely knows who you are. I doubt he would let her randomly message someone and invite them to have a threesome and that she would coincidentally pick you. I think they're just messing with you. Delete it and block her. Or you could write back and say no thanks, I've already been with him and it was terrible. (No, don't do that, I'm joking) 2
stillafool Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Why aren't you blocking these people from any contact? If you want to go NC, go completely NC so you can heal. You need to know nothing about what is going on in his life so you can get him off of your mind. It's never going to work until you block, block and block. 2
Tressugar Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Yeah...he had too much baggage to deal with. Thank the new girl for taking him (and problems) off your hands. Let his new woman deal with his baggage now. 1
hotpotato Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Umm..EWW! She absolutely knows who you are. I doubt he would let her randomly message someone and invite them to have a threesome and that she would coincidentally pick you. I think they're just messing with you. Delete it and block her. Or you could write back and say no thanks, I've already been with him and it was terrible. (No, don't do that, I'm joking) Of all the people to message her, its the new gf. I dont think thats a coincidence either. They always love to flaunt the fling in front of you and everyone else. Im sorry they are doing that to you, Izzy. 2
Babolat Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Be honest and straight to the point. I just need an explanation. Background Ex and I dated 18 months. During that time we hurt each other etc. He cheated. I lied. Last straw was when we were talking about moving in together. The next night he meets someone off a dating app and kisses her. I dump him. He emails me and tells me he is sorry. She wasn’t that good a kisser. He loves me. It was a mistake he was just trying to compare and see if there was anyone better than me. But he doesn’t like her at all. 3 months pass. I talk to him anonymously on a dating website (he does not know its me he is talking too, he thinks its an anonymous person) and he tells me he has met a beautiful woman and is dating her. etc That he is deleting this account but it was nice chatting to ms anonymous. Long story short I begin to wonder maybe he did know it was me. I contact him via text. I said hi, small talk. He then tells me about this girl he is now dating: He says 1) She is perfect 2) I am going to marry her 3) My whole family lover her 4) She is my everything, my relationship with you was just something I had to go through to lead me to my true soulmate He has known her 3 months and has moved in with her. Why would he tell me this? In the end I got feb up and said “I do not care. I also do not care that I lost you because you were not worth it to begin with. Wish you all the best. Bye. “ Question: Why would my ex keep going on and on about this new girl? Is it to hurt me? Make me jealous? What does he want from this? Also I found out through a mutual friend that this “perfect” girl was the SAME girl he cheated on me with i.e kissing. The girl he claimed he didn’t like and wasn’t a good kisser. Yes I know NC is best. I just needed to vent. Why do ex's do this? Why did you, create an anonymous account, to talk to him online? You seem to be putting all of this on him..seems you played your part, too. I don't see to much wrong with what he said to you especially since you reached out to him, first. We also do not know the history enough to say "he is a bad guy". 1
Babolat Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 After breaking up with my ex gf, a very amicable breakup, we talked, hugged, kissed goodbye, I was trying to decide if I should keep her as a FB friend. I never looked at her page to begin with. I waited a couple of weeks, looked at her page, saw pics of her at bars with "catching up with old friends" comments, where guys were hugging her, a post about a 20 something hottie trying to pick her up and telling her she looked 30 (she is 44) and a few more "look at me having fun out" pics/posts. Not sure if this was meant for me, probably not, but it was enough for me to easily, with no regret, hit the Unfriend button. 1
KaliLove Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Why did you, create an anonymous account, to talk to him online? You seem to be putting all of this on him..seems you played your part, too. I don't see to much wrong with what he said to you especially since you reached out to him, first. We also do not know the history enough to say "he is a bad guy". That's a good point about the anonymous account. I forgot about that. Yeah that was pretty immature and ridiculous. But as far as calling him a bad guy..anyone who cheats is automatically a bad person in my book
Author Izzy8 Posted April 11, 2014 Author Posted April 11, 2014 Well I blocked her as well. I created an anonymous profile not to talk to my ex but I felt I didn't need to put my real picture up until I got to know someone better. A picture of a sunset. I then deleted that account as he was on there and joined a paid dating website. That I felt was more safe compared to a free website and posted my real picture up. Then his gf messaged me. Yes I messed up contacting him by text. The background with this man is he cheated on me four times with four different women. Two he has sex with one oral and his current gf he kissed. He wasn't all bad but yes I find it too much of a coincidence. I am putting back an anonymous picture and changing the account. I cant have every dating site I go to being stalked by my ex and now his new gf. That or try go out...
KaliLove Posted April 12, 2014 Posted April 12, 2014 You should just be able to block the two of them without having to shift your whole life around. If they find a way around it, just delete their messages without reading and go about your business. They are scumbags and they're not worth your time. 1
Recommended Posts