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Still sexuallyattracted to ex....:(

kailym1

By kailym1
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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kailym1 New Member

kailym1

Posted
Posted

Hey,

 

I'm new to this forum...sorry for no introduction....

I just recently got out of an awful relationship with a lying, cheating, sociopathic sex addict. I'm disappointed that I'm still somewhat attracted to him, but I am :(

 

He tried to get back with me for a while and we were in a "gray area" but I finally told him it is over for good and to not contact me anymore. This was last week. I was feeling kind of okay, but then today I realized I'm still associating him with orgasm etc and it's so depressing it's making me sick to my stomach.

 

The basis of my relationship with this loser was sexual attraction. He was part of the "pick-up community" which in short means that he premeditated ways to manipulate me and make me sexually addicted to him. On top of that, I was infatuated with him of my own accord, so it was a double whammy. I knew this guy was bad news 8 months ago but I was so desperately "in love" I thought if we broke up I would die of sadness for sure... so it took that long (plus finding out he cheated constantly) for me to gather the strength to kick him to the curb.

 

I'm not sure I was in love with him so much as addicted. (hard to differentiate at the beginning)

 

Even without the cheating,this guy is beneath me. (not to sound snobby, but my friends (and his friends!) could believe I was with him) Unfortunately, even though I know I could probably do better in every department, no one in my life ever touched me the way he did. Danced with me....kissed me, etc. It was SO GOOD. For all his awful qualities, he is the most physically talented guy I've ever known. It's like I was high when I was around him. He could do almost anything because he had me so hooked on his tactile prowess. He was going to marry me and do the whole thing; only I found out he cheated constantly so I ended it.

 

Unfortunately, I catch myself thinking about how good he was, and not just sex...it was the way he held my hand, the way he looked at me...eyes piercing through my soul....the way he kissed my neck....

 

I won't take him back. In fact, I'm irritated that I wasted a year of my life on him. But he's still in my brain, like a parasite :/

 

I feel like I won't ever have sex that good again, kissing that good, etc.

I feel like physically he will be the best I ever had. He had some combination of being rough and gentle at the same time that was so unusual....uh. :(

 

I hate that I'm so affected by this. I hate that I still associate anything positive with him. He is like the devil....trying to win me back by going to therapy etc. But it's all bs. He will never change.

 

So how do I get him out of my brain ? What if I compare every guy to him for the rest of my life and am never fully satisfied?? gah!

 

ps... we got along really well too, we were quite compatible, but the sexual part is why I'm so screwed up and hooked....

 

Tnx,

K

hoping2heal Established Member

hoping2heal

Posted
Posted
Hey,

 

I'm new to this forum...sorry for no introduction....

I just recently got out of an awful relationship with a lying, cheating, sociopathic sex addict. I'm disappointed that I'm still somewhat attracted to him, but I am :(

 

He tried to get back with me for a while and we were in a "gray area" but I finally told him it is over for good and to not contact me anymore. This was last week. I was feeling kind of okay, but then today I realized I'm still associating him with orgasm etc and it's so depressing it's making me sick to my stomach.

 

The basis of my relationship with this loser was sexual attraction. He was part of the "pick-up community" which in short means that he premeditated ways to manipulate me and make me sexually addicted to him. On top of that, I was infatuated with him of my own accord, so it was a double whammy. I knew this guy was bad news 8 months ago but I was so desperately "in love" I thought if we broke up I would die of sadness for sure... so it took that long (plus finding out he cheated constantly) for me to gather the strength to kick him to the curb.

 

I'm not sure I was in love with him so much as addicted. (hard to differentiate at the beginning)

 

Even without the cheating,this guy is beneath me. (not to sound snobby, but my friends (and his friends!) could believe I was with him) Unfortunately, even though I know I could probably do better in every department, no one in my life ever touched me the way he did. Danced with me....kissed me, etc. It was SO GOOD. For all his awful qualities, he is the most physically talented guy I've ever known. It's like I was high when I was around him. He could do almost anything because he had me so hooked on his tactile prowess. He was going to marry me and do the whole thing; only I found out he cheated constantly so I ended it.

 

Unfortunately, I catch myself thinking about how good he was, and not just sex...it was the way he held my hand, the way he looked at me...eyes piercing through my soul....the way he kissed my neck....

 

I won't take him back. In fact, I'm irritated that I wasted a year of my life on him. But he's still in my brain, like a parasite :/

 

I feel like I won't ever have sex that good again, kissing that good, etc.

I feel like physically he will be the best I ever had. He had some combination of being rough and gentle at the same time that was so unusual....uh. :(

 

I hate that I'm so affected by this. I hate that I still associate anything positive with him. He is like the devil....trying to win me back by going to therapy etc. But it's all bs. He will never change.

 

So how do I get him out of my brain ? What if I compare every guy to him for the rest of my life and am never fully satisfied?? gah!

 

ps... we got along really well too, we were quite compatible, but the sexual part is why I'm so screwed up and hooked....

 

Tnx,

K

 

Ouch

 

How long ago was the breakup?

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kailym1 New Member

kailym1

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I found out he was cheating about 5 weeks ago and we kind of broke up then but he was still pursuing me to get me back...then I initiated no contact last friday....

Lifegoezon Established Member

Lifegoezon

Posted
Posted (edited)

Same advice as for all breakups. You can't make it work with a deliberate cheater. Of course you're still attracted to him - that doesn't disappear overnight. But you have to keep away from him. That's in your control. And you will find someone else who blows your socks off sexually - nobody has the monopoly on sexual expertise.

Edited by Lifegoezon
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