Lifegoezon Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 We had our first date four years ago today. In typical sod's law fashion, today I had to drive past the actual place we went due to a road closure and diversion - it's an area I don't need to go often fortunately. I wasn't expecting the sadness that descended. Added to which it was my birthday yesterday. This time last year he took me to a hotel for an overnight stay and a romantic meal. And he gave me a custom made jigsaw (we both love a jigsaw) - an aerial view of the town where we met, some of the pieces cut as heart shapes, and some as letters spelling out I LOVE YOU. Six months after that he's 'lost attraction' and started looking online for a new lover despite saying he still loved me and calling me his soulmate. I dumped him when I found out 3 months ago and been 90% NC since. I know there's no going back and I despise how he acted but it doesn't keep the feelings of loss and disappointment at bay today. I've no urge to reach out but, like so many others, I'm finding it hard to understand how such strong feelings can change to indifference in this way. Tomorrow will hopefully be better.
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 6 months out and he's lost attraction? Using the S (soulmate) word? Hmm.. Guy sounds like one of those people in that article about people who are "addicted to love" e.g. they continually move on once the chemical reaction changes. Sorry to hear
elseaacych Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 We all have our bad trigger weeks. Recognize it for what it is, be extra good to yourself this week and try to go out with friends if you can. 3
Author Lifegoezon Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 6 months out and he's lost attraction? Using the S (soulmate) word? Hmm.. Guy sounds like one of those people in that article about people who are "addicted to love" e.g. they continually move on once the chemical reaction changes. Sorry to hear Just to be clear - he didn't lose attraction after 6 months. It was 6 months after my birthday a year ago so 6 months ago). We were properly together 2.5 years but first met 4 years ago today. I do believe I was his only lover during all that time.
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Just to be clear - he didn't lose attraction after 6 months. It was 6 months after my birthday a year ago so 6 months ago). We were properly together 2.5 years but first met 4 years ago today. I do believe I was his only lover during all that time. Oh! So I fail at reading comprehension... Its so sad when good love fades. I'll never understand it.
sooshi Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 hoping2heal, I imagine that "love" only fades because it's not love. I don't think love itself fades, but I think what people think is love is really something else. Lifegoezon, I can relate to having strong emotional reactions to triggers. And I have a lot of them. It is saddening when our former partners seem to become indifferent to us, especially when we still care for them. I chalk it down to the reality that it wasn't love to begin with. It's a disheartening belief, and sometimes I think that most people probably don't and never truly love. I think that over time, the same triggers won't spark such deep emotional reactions. You'll still be reminded of what they have meant to you, but it won't impact you as much.
Trovador Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 (edited) What I do whenever, no, what I did whenever thoughts of the ex assaulted my mind, was to consciously say and repeat "It's not worth, it's not worth..." and then I changed immediately my line of thought to something, anything else... very soon this become a unconscious process and I can safely say that I haven't think of my ex more than a nanosecond... I also passed daily by a coffee house, where our love was born and blossomed, and sometimes I drove by the "special nest of love" (a motel, that is) where our love was consummated... he he... when I saw these places I always felt a definite pang of indefinite feeling... Today, precisely, I passed by these same places and I didn't even realize it... hadn't seen this thread I definitely never would have known it (and realized how far I have gone and how free of memories I really am... See? Oblivion is a place we all reach eventualy, some fastly, some slower... I think one decides how long it will take to go there... Edited April 10, 2014 by Trovador grammar 2
Thomas the Red Fox Posted April 10, 2014 Posted April 10, 2014 hoping2heal, I imagine that "love" only fades because it's not love. I don't think love itself fades, but I think what people think is love is really something else. This could be a case for whether love really exists or not. Perhaps we are taught to perceive certain feelings as "love". Not sure what love really is, though I feel like I have some semblance because I still feel like I would go to the end of the earth for a girl I dated years ago.
Author Lifegoezon Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 Well - it was his birthday last week and I've only just noticed. Wasn't expecting that! Weird actually because I do still think of him daily - but it's an idle crossing of my mind and a bit of itchy, healing scab-scratching. I'm not upset. Mostly I'm keeping busy and moving on with lots planned and definitely no contact! Birthday treats and celebrations were a big thing for us so it's amazing to find this milestone has passed without getting on my radar at all.
Alexjones1 Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 This could be a case for whether love really exists or not. Perhaps we are taught to perceive certain feelings as "love". Not sure what love really is, though I feel like I have some semblance because I still feel like I would go to the end of the earth for a girl I dated years ago. Love for someone never fades if its true love. Attraction goes away. If its true love and the things that caused attraction to go away are no longer relevant then the physical actions can be sought again. Love is about wanting someone happy with or without you. Allowing them to make their own choices and decisions without hurting yourself over it. When I was a kid and did something bad, made a wrong choice, my parents didnt stop loving me. I am the same way with my kids. I love my ex, I am letting her go as her choice, because those are her feelings and I respect them. If you can get it in return then you know thats true love between two people. Right now she wont allow me to tie up the loose ends to let me go. Such a shame, but I am in a good mind frame about it. Hope all goes well for you OP
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted June 9, 2014 Posted June 9, 2014 Sounds like another one that confuses "comfortable" with falling out of love x Yea tomorrow is a new day, keep your chin up xx
Author Lifegoezon Posted June 9, 2014 Author Posted June 9, 2014 This was meant just as a reassurance to those who are still grieving that the day will come when you realise you care a bit less than you did before. Without even noticing it has happened.
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