TheNewMe2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Things continue to go well with the woman I'm dating. Still slow, but this week there definitely some signs of very small progress. Which, again, is fine if that's her pace. But we went out last evening and woke up with a pit in my stomach. I don't know if it's because I'm tired, stressed with work or something was amiss with her last night. So, I figure I'll throw out a synopsis of last night and hope someone tells me I'm just tired... We went out on date last evening rather than going to our typical happy hour with friends. Last week I told her I wanted to take her out and she was pretty happy to make plans to do that. I took her to dinner - held her hand on the way to the restaurant. We chatted, had a good time and planned out some items for our trip this weekend. Dinner was normal. Only thing that bothered me was I'm trying to take charge and make decisions - where sometimes I defer to just be easy for her. They asked if we wanted to sit at the bar and I looked at her and we both said whatever. Though, we both wanted a table. I looked at her and I said are you sure - she then said actually we should get a table. Not a big thing, but I wasn't as take charge as I wanted. After dinner I suggested drinks at another bar and we both suggested places. Half way there she changed her mind and wanted to try another bar. So I was fine with that. We held hands during the walk again. We always hold hands now, but maybe I'm over thinking but worried I was annoying her (there was no indication that was the case). We went for drinks. We chatted and had a good time. Two things stand out to me in the 45-1 hour we were there. First, at one point we were waiting for a text from a friend and it finally came while we chatting with the bartender. Being a bit goofy, after he left I tapped her arm and said, 'let's see what she said'. She acted if I was being really hyped up about the text..but again. It was an extremely minor reaction. The second thing - the bartender came around and asked if we wanted a second glass of wine. I said sure before she said no. He had already poured mine. Not a big deal - I drank it while we waited and paid for the check and we were still chatting. I left a little in the glass because I didn't want to hold her up...she was tired (very long week and we weren't planning to be out long). So once bill was paid - We left. She did ask if I was finished with my wine and I said yes. Again, we held hands..long walk back to the car. We were entertaining each other on the way back to the car. I took her home. As is typical of our routine - i helped her out of the car. We started kissing (I pulled her into me) - we kissed what what be typical for us..which isn't long, but it's normal. I told her I had a great time and she thanked me for dinner. She also said, "I'll see you in two days" (we are going on weekend get-away with another friend of ours..another woman). I simply said 'that's right' and smiled. I gave her another kiss on the forehead and cheek and we said goodnight. Maybe I'm being hyper-sensitive. Except for about 30 seconds of time, the other 3-4 hours was normal and felt exactly like our normal dates. Keep in mind, other than one other very brief/benign incident..in two months neither one of us has ever seemed/acted even slightly annoyed with the other. I guess no relationship will be perfect like that. A pessimist says that a) the pit is intuition b) maybe you annoyed her a slight bit. I'm also wondering if the second glass of wine may have impaired my thinking and I wasn't totally 'me'...I really don't think this was the case (and I can be hard on myself). An optimist says that a) saying 'see you in two days' is her way (remember she doesn't express emotion too much) she's looking forward to seeing me again b) we kissed (she wouldn't do that if she was turned off..right?) c) we had a good time Normally I wouldn't write..but can't figure out why I'm not feeling great today. I will say, I am a bit down the next day after seeing her, usually. And as result of her job..we don't get to ever chat during the day..and sometimes in the evening.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Woah, man. You're taking over-analyzing to a new level here..! From what you said, there's nothing to nit-pick over (well, maybe I might have a problem with you leaving some of the wine behind.. CHUG IT LIKE A MAN But the date seemed to go pretty well and I seriously doubt that she would be analyzing or second-guessing you over the things that you've detailed. How long have you been dating and have you slept together yet?
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 I know I over analyze. And honestly...I've really stopped and it's only because I had a 'gut feeling' I posted at all. But I can't attribute my gut feeling to her. It could honestly be related to being tired/stressed/too much work. We've dated for 2 months now. We had a failed attempt at sleeping together (which I'm not getting into and was about 3 weeks ago). We haven't since not for any reason (I suspect if we actually found time where we could be alone and at home we would..just hasn't worked out). Though, I suspect that will change this weekend.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I know I over analyze. And honestly...I've really stopped and it's only because I had a 'gut feeling' I posted at all. But I can't attribute my gut feeling to her. It could honestly be related to being tired/stressed/too much work. We've dated for 2 months now. We had a failed attempt at sleeping together (which I'm not getting into and was about 3 weeks ago). We haven't since not for any reason (I suspect if we actually found time where we could be alone and at home we would..just hasn't worked out). Though, I suspect that will change this weekend. A gut feeling. Heh. Maybe you had a bad dream? Who knows. Have you ever been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder? And yeah, 2 months is long enough. Seal the deal this weekend!
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 No - I'm not a high-anxiety person typically (maybe in relationships). Yes - I think that us being intimate would certainly change a lot of things. It's simply uncanny the inability for us to find the time alone to do that so far. Even this weekend will be a challenge, being with a friend on this trip. Let's say the lack of 'performance' last time was alllll me. And not her, and leave it at that. Certainly know that set things back a bit, but we seem to be past that now.
Hello_is_it_me Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 No - I'm not a high-anxiety person typically (maybe in relationships). Yes - I think that us being intimate would certainly change a lot of things. It's simply uncanny the inability for us to find the time alone to do that so far. Even this weekend will be a challenge, being with a friend on this trip. Let's say the lack of 'performance' last time was alllll me. And not her, and leave it at that. Certainly know that set things back a bit, but we seem to be past that now. We've all been there. But now time to look towards the future! To me it sounds like the last date was very successful! I would cease with the worry and just be looking forward to a fun weekend with her! 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Are u sure u are ready to date.. U sound like me & to be honest I need to work on repairing my confidence & self esteem before I'll be fit for a relationship x
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Heartbroken No - I'm quite sure I'm ready to date. I have very little issue with the confidence in self-esteem typically. She is VERY difficult to read. I've had a few friends say that, not only about relationships..but just in general. So I don't get some of the typical insights/clues or simple outward signs you'd typically get. As a result, I'm left to interpreting the most minor things. Why be with someone so difficult to read? Because she makes me feel good, because we have a great time when we are together and we enjoy each other's company. You can't help who you like. I'm not desperate - I've dated other women since my separation and there are some women I know who would be interested in dating. I'm just very smitten with this one. We got to know each other as friends first and I think that built a foundation. We actually chatted, in a joking way, last night about her inability to respond to communications (e.g. text/email - as you may have read my old posts, her lack of response use to concern me). But I've learned a relationship with her is a bit different. As it seems, she hasn't had many in the past - and it could be her inability to express herself frustrates others or she just didn't try. But she is well worth getting to know, being patient, and dealing with the bit of neurosis she's caused for me. I'm confident in what I have to offer - but everyone is looking for something specific and you may be hot, you may be smart, or funny or whatever..but some will be attracted to you some not. I'm confident that we have the chance for a beautiful relationship too. I think she is. But with little feedback (except for the fact we kiss, hold hands, and genuinely enjoy each other's company)...it's sometimes tough to tell.
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Oh gosh so sorry I remember your posts from before.. I'm full of the flu :-( x Don't over analyse it just go at her pace.. Try & think as long as a new date is set or talked about then u are in the safe zone ! x 1
Author TheNewMe2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 It's ok. I hope you feel better. I've actually done a lot of soul searching about her recently. I really do care very much for her and trying to figure out if it's worth the effort or the reward will be there eventually. I don't totally know that answer. But, what I do know is when we are together I have zero doubts and enjoy her company (and I believe she enjoys mine). I'm not desperate to get married or to call a relationship xyz. I also know if we stopped dating, I'd be upset. So - I've learned to just enjoy whatever it is we have and hope it continues. I really am trying not analyze it anymore, and have done a good job. But this feeling - you know sometimes you wake up and things are off...so probably what it is...
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I know what u mean & it's hard to decipher if it's all in your head or u are feeding off her.. I felt the same with my most recent ex but I never did with my LTR.. Maybe it's fear or maybe it is intuition only time will tell but take it one day at a time & I know it's really hard but try & keep focused on your life so should it not work out then Atleast not a lot has changed x
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