Patna Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 He contacted me this morning. It's day 8 of NC. He messaged me on watsapp, 'hi.', which I did not reply. On one hand, I kinda feel my ego boosted about him trying to reach out to me, yet on the other hand, it made me jittery. He used to call me or message me numerous times when I used to ignore him. This time, no more calls or messages since 4 hours ago after that last message. 8 days ago, I told him I'll do NC (though I mentioned it to him numerous times but never made it through). So it's either him respecting and understanding what I'm doing now or his newborn baby changes everything, and he also want to back off mutually. I wish I wouldn't occupied my thoughts over a silly message. I'd made plans to meet with a friend later and some others this evening, hoping to distract myself and stop thinking about him and pinning for anymore messages or phone calls. Link to post Share on other sites
Bootsie Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 I'm not sure who generally breaks NC first. I've seen 2 sorts of NC here on these forums. The first situation is where the 2 APs have decided to end their affair, or one of them has decided to end the affair, and there hasn't been a D-day, and either one or both of them has said they want NC. In this instance I guess it's the one who least wanted the affair to end who is more likely to break NC. The second situation is where there's been a D-day and the WH has agreed with the BW that there will be no more contact with the OW. In this case the NC agreement is between the 2 spouses, not between the 2 APs. In that case it seems that the WH is the one who would break NC as if the OW contacts the WH there has been no breach of any NC agreement as it's been imposed on the OW without her necessarily agreeing. This seems to be more your situation Mickey. Sometimes there's an overlap of both of these. I'm guessing as a general rule, it's still the one who least wanted the A to end who is more likely to break NC first. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 He contacted me this morning. It's day 8 of NC. He messaged me on watsapp, 'hi.', which I did not reply. On one hand, I kinda feel my ego boosted about him trying to reach out to me, yet on the other hand, it made me jittery. He used to call me or message me numerous times when I used to ignore him. This time, no more calls or messages since 4 hours ago after that last message. 8 days ago, I told him I'll do NC (though I mentioned it to him numerous times but never made it through). So it's either him respecting and understanding what I'm doing now or his newborn baby changes everything, and he also want to back off mutually. I wish I wouldn't occupied my thoughts over a silly message. I'd made plans to meet with a friend later and some others this evening, hoping to distract myself and stop thinking about him and pinning for anymore messages or phone calls. A zebra hardly changes it's stripes... I can't tell you what to do but try to regain control with yourself again. Remember you can remain NC or reply when YOU feel like it. Mines hasn't but he got a new job I suppose keeping him busy and said he has better hours, which is good because I no longer see his work truck riding past my job anymore. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Mickey1982 Posted April 10, 2014 Author Share Posted April 10, 2014 A zebra hardly changes it's stripes... I can't tell you what to do but try to regain control with yourself again. Remember you can remain NC or reply when YOU feel like it. Mines hasn't but he got a new job I suppose keeping him busy and said he has better hours, which is good because I no longer see his work truck riding past my job anymore. Cocochai---how many weeks are you NC now? Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 Cocochai---how many weeks are you NC now? The last time we made contact was near the end of last month so it's really only been a little over 2 weeks. Haven't seen each other since the end of Jan tho. The longest we've ever gone NC was 3months. Link to post Share on other sites
tornado Posted April 10, 2014 Share Posted April 10, 2014 The MM broke NC first. At first, the messages were sympathetic. And I wanted to reply... As I didn't reply for a few days, the MM became more and more agressive. He started insulting me. It seems everything is my fault. He says he is going to block me on all apps, lol! He is ranting about a FB friend I have, he thinks I am with him now, blablabla So what, is he not with his wife???? He is ridiculous. The good thing is that we don't live in the same country, though it's not very far. He could be physically scary. He had too much control over me. I was pathetic, like a puppet in his hands. I'm glad I'm out of this. I think that he knows I was a bit fragile and had some autodestructive traits, and he played with that. I'm trying to change... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Wambo Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 In my situation it's always the exAP who's breaking NC, not me! It got to the stage she's now directing her anger at me and frankly I'm sick of it. It's not helping either our situations or respecting each other bounderies. I don't know what's going on in her life but she is making our situation from bad to worst. If she want to blame me then she can do it in private or tell it to a therapist. What she shouldn't be doing is bad mouthing me towards other co workers which not only unproffessional but it's not going to be long before rumours start flying about and HR will join the dots. HR already know I had personal problems and even went as far to assume I was involved in an affair and told me I should be fully open with them if the affair taken place at work. In a way I'm rather lucky because I can tell friends and family about my affair. I don't have any shame in doing so because in the end it doesn't make me look bad. she on the otherhand doesn't have the same luxery and this could be the reason why she is venting her anger at me instead because she doesn't have the will to fix her own problems. Link to post Share on other sites
Cocochai Posted April 11, 2014 Share Posted April 11, 2014 In my situation it's always the exAP who's breaking NC, not me! It got to the stage she's now directing her anger at me and frankly I'm sick of it. It's not helping either our situations or respecting each other bounderies. I don't know what's going on in her life but she is making our situation from bad to worst. If she want to blame me then she can do it in private or tell it to a therapist. What she shouldn't be doing is bad mouthing me towards other co workers which not only unproffessional but it's not going to be long before rumours start flying about and HR will join the dots. HR already know I had personal problems and even went as far to assume I was involved in an affair and told me I should be fully open with them if the affair taken place at work. In a way I'm rather lucky because I can tell friends and family about my affair. I don't have any shame in doing so because in the end it doesn't make me look bad. she on the otherhand doesn't have the same luxery and this could be the reason why she is venting her anger at me instead because she doesn't have the will to fix her own problems. Besides ur friends and family knowing.., does your wife know??? Link to post Share on other sites
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