curiousperson Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Alright, I want to start this off by saying she is Muslim and I am not. My parents are Hindu, so that's our parental background. Anyway, she and I met about 3 and a half years ago and we hit it off really well. We both have said so many times that we've never been this close with someone so fast and that everything was just so great. My parents really didn't want me to have a relationship with a Muslim girl due to their past and I tried to stay away from her in that aspect but it was really hard. She was the perfect friend and everything really. After a year of being best friends, talking every day, being cute and stuff like that, we finally forced it out of each other that we've loved each other for a long time. And so began the best years ever. We got along so well and anyone that met us and knew about us knew how much we cared for each other and how much we loved each other. She shattered every expectation I had going into the relationship, she was the best and we rarely fought. We were best friends so we obviously had some squabbles but those would end when the day ended and we would tell each other how much we love each other and be all cute and stuff. We kept that we were dating from our parents because we knew they would say no and we wanted to get married in the future so we wanted to deal with it then and have less to be worried about for some time. This probably could've been handled in a better way but we didn't really see one at the time. As time went on we just kept loving each other more and more. We would talk about the future, how great it was to be together, how right it felt to just sit there and talk for hours and hours. It really was perfect. When we first got together I was an atheist, I didn't like how much religion controlled the lives of people and didn't let people who clearly loved each other be together. But with time I became more and more open minded. I really started to believe that if there was such a perfect girl who seemed really to be made just for me, then who's to say there isn't a God? I know that's incredibly cheesy lol but she really did make me feel like she was made just for me and I for her. The love didn't really go stale ever either, it didn't feel boring, it was always exciting and amazing. There wasn't anything ever that made me feel like oh, this could be better, it was all truly perfect. She broke up with me and she said she didn't want me converting for her and that I'd be ruining my life (converting was probably the only way her parents would let me be with her. Which would create problems with my parents.) So she did have a point, I can't deny that. But as we were breaking up it was clear to both of us how much we still loved each other and how we clearly aren't going to forget about each other. I know the type of person she is and I know how much this is tearing her up on the inside, and it kills me that I can't even be there as a friend for her anymore either (She doesn't want to stay friends because she knows that we're perfect for each other and us being friends would just remind her of how much we love each other.) I'd honestly do anything for her, she's nothing short of amazing. And I don't want to give up on her because of something like this. I know some people will say, well how can you live together with such conflicting ideals? We were best friends for 3 and a half years and we didn't really have conflicting ideals, most of the time we agreed with each other and everything was really smooth. I've talked to quite a few people, a lot of my friends who say go for it and that we really are meant to be together. And some of her friends who say to leave her alone (they're Muslim) and that it's over. In my defense though they don't know anything about me. I can easily see it from their point of view as well. They probably think I'm going to stop her from practicing her religion, which I most certainly wouldn't. I honestly support her lifestyle and really think it's great. I admire the fact that she is religious and leads a great life, and it's never been a problem for me. A ton of our values are the same like no drinking, no smoking, no sex before marriage, that kind of stuff. And I know that me not being Muslim isn't a problem for her either. It's just that she's worried her parents won't talk to her ever again and she thinks the same will happen with my parents. But after she broke up with me I talked to my parents and told them that I'd been with her for a long time and by the end of the conversation I truly realized how much a parent loves a child. I really think that if the two of us get married that even if they're not happy with it at first, if they see the love and respect we have for each other they can't help but not to be happy. I know for a fact that if I was Muslim or if she wasn't Muslim, our parents would probably force us to get married lol. My family would get along so well with her that it's surprising really. And I know if her parents were to give me a chance they would see that despite me not being Muslim I really am a good guy (sorry if that makes me sound cocky but I don't know how else to put it. :-/ ) I really want to try to get her back, but I don't want to put her through so much if it's just going to hurt her. This way if it doesn't work out, I'm the only one trying and I really only have everything to gain. So yeah if you guys could tell me your opinions as to what I should do I'd really really appreciate it
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Oh I am so sorry to hear about your pain This does not sound like a clash of ideals, so much of a clash of parents ideals. Well, maybe a clash of ideals too, I don't know. What an incredibly sad situation. I have had friends who were hindu and they too had to let go of / were let go because of opposing things such as this all stemming back to not wanting to upset the parents. To me, it has always seemed black and white because I have been afforded a culture that allows me to be autonomous and open with my parents. I do understand it is different and not so easy as "tell em like it is" for other cultures and belief systems. Again, I am so sorry to hear of what has come to pass for you two.
Author curiousperson Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 So what do you think, should I fight for her? She really is worth it. And we still have to convince our parents which was the case in the first place, so idk should I still fight for her?
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 So what do you think, should I fight for her? She really is worth it. And we still have to convince our parents which was the case in the first place, so idk should I still fight for her? Well, I think you're 50% of the equation and you will never be more than that. In other words, what does she want? I think for you two to work out realistically you would both have to be united on the same front and decide what you will do. It can't just be you ready to take 75% of the battle and she's like a quarter in. Can you talk to her again and find out if she really wants to be with you but she's being deterred over the conversion/religion/parent thing and then see if she open to you two working out a solution and facing parents together?
Author curiousperson Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Yeah no I agree, that we need to do that, but I also first want to see if it's a good idea to fight for her as well, I don't want to cause her more pain just by bringing myself up again, I know she likes to ignore big problems and push them aside so I don't want to like be another problem for her and stuff. But thank you for your input, it means a lot
bluegreen Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 You both have to get to the age and independence where what your or her parents think won't matter until then yeah not gonna work. Sooner or later if people show enough of maturity and ability to lead their own life everyone around has no option but to come to respect that or be cut off. Don't think I don't know "immigrant" cultures and way they think and behave. So if you can't stand to be friends step back and start working on above mentioned suggest same to her and if you both care so much wait for it.
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