DontBreakEven Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I know she is a very broken person. She had a traumatic childhood and a month before she left me for the last time, she took a leave of absence from work and checked herself into an outpatient psychiatric center for "depression" (who knows what her ultimate diagnosis was - she certainly was not stable). Anyway, obviously her issues played a big role in not only the demise of our relationship, but also the overall unhealthiness of it (me the caretaker, her .. just being taken care of for whatever drama it was that day). I take responsibility for my role in this dysfunctional dance too. I stayed way too long not getting what I deserved - basically because I was in such denial that she was incapable of giving it to me - I just wished she would "snap out of it". And although she stomped on my heart by abandoning me, I still can't help but feel sad for her. She is in so much pain everyday; I know this. It hurts me. I wish I could help her, but I know that I cannot. Believe me, I tried. I guess I just need to learn the new art of loving someone from afar - caring about someone without actually being in their lives. It's a hard role to learn. I wish I could just make it all better for her. I can't. And I have to constantly remind myself too, regardless of her issues, she hurt me greatly. And I need to give the love I had for her and give it to myself instead. I guess really, I feel like I'm starting to move on, and it's a hurt in itself. I feel guilty about it, and sad that I have to. Weird mixed emotions.
sooshi Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 DBE, I relate so much to this. My ex-fiance is also a very broken person and was close to checking into an inpatient psychiatric facility for depression/addiction issues. I felt like a caretaker when he was not doing well, and I also stayed too long, believing that he would come around, that we would get through it all together. I live in Canada, him in the US, so I don't have a choice but to love him from afar, and without being a part of his life. It hurts, but, like you, I also have to remember of the hurt he caused me through his words and actions. And like you, I need to give the love I've had for him to myself. Let's hope that they can feel our care and love for them, no matter how many miles separate us, and that our love and care will affect them positively in some way. 1
hoping2heal Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Nobody is perfect, but sometimes people are just human wrecking balls - whether they mean to be that way or not. It's hard to watch a person self-destruct and it rips tentacles into that person who has to watch it. Chaining them to the scene and they just want to help. Some people need compassion and understanding and patience, and some people need help and intervention beyond that, beyond what the friend, the lover, the family member can give. You did all that you could have and that broken part was not your doing. Life is not fair and it is difficult to meet people who remind us of that and it does get hard to just look the other way and live as though we don't know it. 1
Author DontBreakEven Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 Thanks everyone. It's been 3 months today since the break up, and over the weekend I got a new puppy. (She took our dog with her). I guess part of me feels like I am really moving on now, starting a new life with a new dog and doing things that no longer involve her in the decision-making process, etc. I am sure she knows through the grapevine of all these things happening to me (there's just no way she couldn't - we have too many mutual friends), and though I know she wants me to move on and is probably deep down happy for me, part of me still feels just so damn guilty about it, because I'm starting to feel happiness again, and I don't really know if she's capable of being happy at this point (without extensive therapy). It's just a strange guilt to have. And a conflicting one as well -- she doesn't want me in her life to help her - she made that clear. Ahhh life sometimes. At least I can tell her on here that I will always love her in a part of my heart, and that I really hope she finds the peace within herself that she is so desperately searching for. 1
sooshi Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I think you're an amazing person, DBE. I've thought so since the first thread I read from you describing your relationship with her. I'm glad that you're moving on, despite the conflicting emotions you have. It gets better. 2
todreaminblue Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 you can care about someone and not physically be with them, love from afar, it is very possible and pretty easy........i think it becomes easy that you accept the way you feel and understand you cant help who you love i feel love is not quantifiable and comes in many forms some of that love is meant to be felt not shared......sometimes its just not right to embrace that person but loving them......why should it stop..... love is and always will be even when and if we dont know why.. one day it will all come into light for us....light that comes with understanding......because love comes from light.....so dont darken it ...let it breathe and just be................deb 1
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