alexjames Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 (edited) Right! About 6 months ago, a girl started at my place of work on a work experience course from her college. She works here one day a week. We instantly got on really well, and I felt a bit of a connection straight away. The trouble was, she was in a possessive, abusive relationship that she couldn't get out of. We got to know each other really well, and after a few weeks she left him saying that she had really fallen for me, and the moment I came into her life, she instantly got happier and that I had done more for her in the short time we had known each other than her ex had done in their 4 years together. We grew closer, and became the closest of friends you possibly could be.... eventually, we ended up in bed together and she spent a lot of nights at mine, and we really did fall in love for each other, we saw each other all the time, and would talk for hours, we went out last night and we were kissing and cuddling and all sorts, and I really do love her, so much. Last week she told me she would die to be in a relationship with me, and I said that id love to be with her, but to not rush into it and just see how we get on etc first. She agreed. (It's her birthday next month and I was planning to take her out to dinner on her bday and ask her then). But last night, she seemed different. She has this mate of hers (her sister boyfriends brother!)and I knew they are close friends. I asked her if she is interested in him, and she told me she wasn't, but she also said she don't want to get with anyone, not even me as life was perfect how it was for now. This did hurt, but I still was going to ask her to be mine in a few weeks time. But then today, I spoke to her this morning and she told me she loves me etc, I get home from work (she wasn't in as she works Thursdays) go on facebook, and see she is in a relationship with the guy. I am hurting so much right now, it feels worse than my last break up. I love her so much, id do anything for her, but now she is with him and I have messaged her tonight and had no reply.... im a mess! Ive never felt so much love for anyone, and I thought my forst GF was true love, but this really hurts, cant stop crying! Edited April 8, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Author alexjames Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 This is getting really bad. Just the thought of her with someone else makes me physically sick. She is the closest person in my life. Last Saturday night, I wanted to make sure what she thought about me, so I played a little game on her. I asked her if she minded if I went on the pull that night and what she'd say if I met a girl. she said she didn't mind as we weren't together etc. but she told my other mate that she was really hurt by me asking and she thought I wasn't interested in her, and that night she first started to see this other guy. the trouble is, when I asked her, I wanted her to say that it would hurt so I knew she was interested! she is constantly telling me she loves me. if I didn't ask her that stupid question, this would have never happened. now im a mess and not sure what to do
ThatGirl213 Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Sorry to hear what you are going through. Personally I don't think it is what you said that messed it up. If she really did love you like she claimed, she would not go and be with someone else just like that (on something you asked). Not like you went and did it anyway. It is more like she is blaming you for your pain and that is not right. She made a choice to be with him. She told you she wasn't even interested in the guy but in a few days, she got into a relationship with him. To me that's bull**** coz you don't just go and be in a relationship just like that. You have to accept that she lied. I know it is very difficult and easier said that done but honestly she did you a favor by leaving you because she obviously lies about loving someone or she doesn't know what love is yet. From the time she said she doesn't want to be with anyone and she is happy how life is, she was already thinking of being with the other guy. It just sad that she did not even think it was important to let you know of her new relationship personally but through a facebook post. I won't be surprised if she played the 'let's be friends' card. I say go NC. You will heal.
GeorgesIsntAtHome Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 (edited) I know the feeling my friend.. trust me, I do, and even though it must be really hard to see when you are in the situation (I know very well about that as well) it seems pretty apearant that she isnt a serious person and she either does not really know what she wants, or she has no reserve about playing with your feeling to keep you as a "plan B " .. either way, I see that the problem is not you, she is not being honest with you, but there isnt much that can be done right now, you are in excutiating pain, you just want to dig 6 feet under because you don't know how to act, or more how to react to the situation.. take time to heal If there is a way to calmly talk to her, I would simply try to have answers to my question, it might help you see that she might not be right for you, she might be too confused for a relationship, she might not have the maturity required, maybe she went for the matcho type because she wants confidence, either way, you are not to blame for that. I am not really sure why you didnt ask her earlier and what was the point of "waiting to make sure", girls like confident go-getters, maybe she was in fact expecting a kiss or something. anyway, she should have been straightforward with you as well, like I saidm she is obviously confused. Try to tell her how you feel, dont play games, be honest, she will see that you have a mature approach But also keep in mind the things that are already awkward in her behavior, and how it would affect a potential relationship with her, it should be a warning, a yellow light for you. Do you really want to get involved this way ? If she is truly the one, she will come back, maybe when you are both ready, maybe when she is ready to commit, raise a family, etc... I dont know how old you both are but she seems to be stuck in her teenage still. In between take time to heal and stay in good terms, trust in life good luck keep us posted Edited April 11, 2014 by GeorgesIsntAtHome
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