AnneT1985 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Hi y'all I was wondering if you could help me with a question please. I have been married for quite some time and dated my husband for quite a while before that. I have a question about his younger sister. From day one I have found her rather rude toward me with zero interest in getting to know me. She literally doesn't know me from a hole in the wall. When I have tried to get to know her when I do see her, she will interrupt me, walk away, talk to someone else. If I ever try to talk about myself, find common ground with her or extend an olive branch she will override the conversation with talking about herself and all of her achievements. I have asked her directly and privately if I did something to offend her. Her response was no but was very aggressive and defensive about it. I believe I have truly tried to get on with her as I am married to her brother and she is the aunt of my children (whom she also expresses little interest in in my personal opinion). We had her over to our home for dinner once- she didn't like the food we make so my husband ordered her something different. She stayed a few minutes and said "thanks for the time you saved me today" and left. I do not understand what her problem is at all. I just stay very cordial and polite and respectful but keep a distance when I do see her as she seems so disinterested in a relationship. What would y'all do? Have you experienced something like this? xx
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 She sounds rather cold. I'd probably give up. I wouldn't bother with her. Of course be polite to her when you have see her at family functions. Let your husband interact with her as he sees fit but I wouldn't go out of my way. I'd operate as though she doesn't exist & not let her influence your plans or decisions.
Tullyseptember Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 From the outside looking in it's always easier to say what should be done, it's putting advice to practice that can be the tough part for some of us (meaning me!). From what I've read you've done all you can and remaining cordial at this point is all that I think can be done. It's too bad she doesn't want to enjoy being an aunt and maybe one day she will wish she took the opportunity to establish strong connections with you and her family but until/if and when that happens Showing your kids how to be respectful regardless of her unattentivness to them will mature them much quicker than she appears to be How is your husbands relationship with his sister?
Elias33 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 There is nothing you can do. This is her issue, not yours. Don't let others dictate how you feel about yourself and you are doing what YOU can to be a good person towards others. IF you can have a collected conversation about it with your husband, without labeling and pointing fingers, and it causes no friction in your marriage, then you have zero problems. Can't please all the people all the time, in fact, 40% of the world population might not want to be your friend. Focus on the ones that do .
yellowmaverick Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 What is the age gap? My SIL is ten years younger than I am and was still a teenager when we met. Additionally, due to the fact that we lived in different states, I saw her only a couple of times a year, if that. It took a while for her to become interested, but as an adult, she is terrific now.
Author AnneT1985 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 (edited) She is 9 years older than me Edited April 9, 2014 by AnneT1985
Standard-Fare Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 (edited) So IS she a teenager then? Or close to it? She sounds like just a typical surly, unappreciative teen. If I'd had a sister-in-law at age 18, I probably would have behaved in a similar manner without even realizing it. It will probably take some time for your friendship to grow. You guys should try to have some beers together someday and sit around watching TV or doing something really casual like that. EDIT: NEVERMIND, just saw that she's nine years older! Weird. But my advice of how to hang out with her remains the same. Edited April 9, 2014 by Standard-Fare
Author AnneT1985 Posted April 9, 2014 Author Posted April 9, 2014 (edited) What does your husband have to say about this? Not too much at all honestly...although he has made a comment that he does not believe it is personal and she behaves this way regularly. Edited April 9, 2014 by AnneT1985
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