Luna33 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I want to cut this guy off for the sake of whatever we had, do you think it's a good idea to explain why I don't want to be in touch with him anymore? Don't feel like leaving without saying a word; I'll just be honest, not rude or harsh. Besides, he's a guy I met many years ago and I value him a lot. I'm planning to meet him and tell him, or this would be awkward? A text would work better then? Opinions are welcome.
Arieswoman Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I really don't get this business of dumping people by text. Maybe it's because I'm English or maybe I am old-fashioned but I think it is tacky beyond belief. If you value this guy like you say you do, then you need to bite the bullet and tell him face-to-face. 7
GemmaUK Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I'm curious as to why you want to cut him off if you value him? Telling someone the why behind cutting them off enables them to argue it. I ended a 7 month relationship by text. Reason being he was an emotional abuser and I didn't want him talking me around again. 1
Arieswoman Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Gemma, I ended a 7 month relationship by text. Reason being he was an emotional abuser and I didn't want him talking me around again. That's fair enough.
tekkenfan2 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 If you value him you should let him know face to face (as long as he wont freak out ofc) Just tell him it is what would be best for you, just make sure he doesn't try to argue with you about it. Make sure you stand your ground and be ready to leave if you need to. 2
Thegreatestthing Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I just said don't txt/write to me again,that seemed to work.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I think it would be the right thing to do. I detest it when you are talking with someone and then they vanish, leaving the other person to wonder why. I think common decency is rare these days and it takes two minutes to tell someone why you no longer want to talk/see them anymore. 6
Author Luna33 Posted April 8, 2014 Author Posted April 8, 2014 I'm curious as to why you want to cut him off if you value him? Telling someone the why behind cutting them off enables them to argue it. I ended a 7 month relationship by text. Reason being he was an emotional abuser and I didn't want him talking me around again. I'm not pretending to argue or being harsh, just to be honest. I want to cut him off because we were friends before getting involved with each other, and I have feelings for him now, that's why I can't keep him as friend again. That's not emotionally healthy, not the best way to get over someone completely. Thank you for your answers, I'm meeting him to cut ties as soon as possible.
Fondue Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Treat people how you would like to be treated. That's how I feel about anything, really. How would YOU like him to cut you off? In what manner? Answer that question, then do that. 4
thecrucible Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 Yes. I used to vanish on people a lot because it was easier than providing an explanation and encouraging a longer conversation. But now I want to respect more and be respected so I try and provide an explanation when I can. I don't think there's a need to go into too much detail though. I mean, if it's because you think they're ugly (just an example) then do you really need to spell that out point blank? However if someone is rude to you, I don't think you owe them anything. Sounds harsh but I can't be bothered entertaining the ego/whims of people who don't show me much courtesy themselves. 2
HappyLove Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 At the very least call. Don't text and definitely don't go poof. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 Yes. I used to vanish on people a lot because it was easier than providing an explanation and encouraging a longer conversation. But now I want to respect more and be respected so I try and provide an explanation when I can. I don't think there's a need to go into too much detail though. I mean, if it's because you think they're ugly (just an example) then do you really need to spell that out point blank? However if someone is rude to you, I don't think you owe them anything. Sounds harsh but I can't be bothered entertaining the ego/whims of people who don't show me much courtesy themselves. Agreed! If you don't find someone physically attractive you can just say hey sorry you aren't my type which is what I say. I think it's very important to treat people as you wish to be treated.
GemmaUK Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I'm not pretending to argue or being harsh, just to be honest. I want to cut him off because we were friends before getting involved with each other, and I have feelings for him now, that's why I can't keep him as friend again. That's not emotionally healthy, not the best way to get over someone completely. Thank you for your answers, I'm meeting him to cut ties as soon as possible. My apologies, I wasn't intending for my question to sound like you were to be argumentative or harsh. Badly worded question on my part there, sorry for that. Good luck with the meet.
Clemenza Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I don't even think an explanation is necessary. Just tell the person that you don't think you're compatible and leave it at that. I do think it's bad form to end something with someone via text, but I don't think in person is important. Doing it over the phone is a nice compromise. (People still TALK on phones, right?)
ktya Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I want to cut this guy off for the sake of whatever we had, do you think it's a good idea to explain why I don't want to be in touch with him anymore? Don't feel like leaving without saying a word; I'll just be honest, not rude or harsh. Besides, he's a guy I met many years ago and I value him a lot. I'm planning to meet him and tell him, or this would be awkward? A text would work better then? Opinions are welcome. If you're going NC an e-mail or facebook message would probably be best. In person he will try to convince you and it could get emotional for both of you. I wouldnt recommend meeting with him to discuss it unless you are open to a dialogue, but it sounds like you've made your decision and it is final. However it is a very good idea if you're going NC to tell him what you're doing and why in a nice and matter of fact way. My ex didn't do that and despite texting and talking on the phone with her daily for months after the breakup when she disappeared off the radar suddenly I got really worried about her. When I showed up at her house to check if she was OK she called the cops on me. After all I did for her before and after the breakup it was a complete and total slap in the face. Tell him whats up and why. Dont be a see you en tee like my ex.
Leegh Posted April 9, 2014 Posted April 9, 2014 I would most definitely tell him, as there is nothing worse than leaving a person wondering what happened. Relationships that do not end on a clear note can make it very difficult for the person who was rejected to come to an understanding of what happened, if there is a lot of miscommunication.
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