Mickey1982 Posted April 1, 2014 Share Posted April 1, 2014 I have no desire to reach out to my XMM but... The desire for him to reach out. It's busy on the job and folks are irritating me yet I want him to reach out even tho I wont respond. (A bad game) Was it really just the attention I craved the most because over a course of two years I know he's a selfish person who just wants his cake. My problem is.. Why am I craving for him to reach out? Am I the only one who suffers from this? I need it to go away. I'm reaching out here rather then drive myself crazy. Cocochai, I just responded similiarly on another thread. Try, try to hang in there. I know the struggle because I am right there with you. I am farther along with NC, but for me it just happened after his d-day without either of us even initiating it. Now that I'm at 9 weeks, I am determined not to reach out and break-it. However, my problem lies in letting him go in my heart which I can't seem to do. I hope too that he'll reach out someday, someway beacuse I still miss and love him. I'll admit that I am lost--he was my best friend for 3 1/2 years. Even at 9 weeks NC, I look for texts, e-mails, and hope every day will be THE day. It's holding me back from moving on so please don't follow in my steps. Let him go and move forward. And, stay NC. It's the only positive thing I have been able to do!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted April 1, 2014 Author Share Posted April 1, 2014 Cocochai, I just responded similiarly on another thread. Try, try to hang in there. I know the struggle because I am right there with you. I am farther along with NC, but for me it just happened after his d-day without either of us even initiating it. Now that I'm at 9 weeks, I am determined not to reach out and break-it. However, my problem lies in letting him go in my heart which I can't seem to do. I hope too that he'll reach out someday, someway beacuse I still miss and love him. I'll admit that I am lost--he was my best friend for 3 1/2 years. Even at 9 weeks NC, I look for texts, e-mails, and hope every day will be THE day. It's holding me back from moving on so please don't follow in my steps. Let him go and move forward. And, stay NC. It's the only positive thing I have been able to do!!!!!! Thank you Mickey.. My heart goes out to you as well. I see each week gets easier and it shows just how truly strong you are. I hope you find some who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated. They seem to at some point reach back out but I pray anyone going through this is string enough to not reach out back... Including myself. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 Or not, my XMM contacts me!!! It was that stage all last week where I was for whatever reason, didn't want to let go. The best feeling in the world because now I have more room for myself and family. Rather then be emotionally drained thinking about him. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
inappfriendly Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 That is super news, Cocochai! What a relief it must be!What finally got you there?! Obviously still waiting for my "A-Ha!" Moment! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 I have gone back and read some of your other stuff to gauge if you are married. I guessing your not by how open your affair seemed to have been of FB. At any rate good for you. It may seem odd but I'm proud of you. Stay strong and don't allow him to worm his way back in. Being sweet and whatever. Just think of all the great guys you missed out on by focusing on a guy that I'm sure you thought would pick you in the end. Remember the way you felt as you waited for him to contact you. The feeling of rejection, being someones second choice. Then remember your worth far more then that. Your worth having a guy chose you above all others. Someone who will devote his life to making you happy all the time. Not just on some sneaking around Wednesday. Hold out for what you deserve. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Nattie Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Good gracious I hope that happens for me soon! Congrats on your progress! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 Okay did they merge my post lol What has helped me was reading up on the article I posted on Narssacist behavior and it's not that fact that I wanted him to myself, but for us to resume the A and to know he still wanted to reach out to me. His behavior shows he reaches out then, cuts things off when he feels I maybe getting emotional attached or if his BS suspects anything (a form of cruel punishment) But, I notice he always reaches back to ME (a formal lover). That right there is enough to let me know eventually he'll reach out but I have the power to end this mess. We all have the power but the letting go of the early stages (the good). But he'll never respect my feelings in this whole thing and it's a dead end anyway. I hate playing games but this is what I've been dealing with and finally see the reality of things. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sunburned Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Great progress! I hate to be all Debbie Downer but don't be surprised if it gets worse before it gets better. You know yourself better than anyone here but based on your past posts, you have prematurely claimed victory in this department before. The real test will be the next time he texts you to not respond at all. No excuses about being polite or just friendly or just curious or just answering some 'innocent' question etc. Stone cold silence only. As he texts you in growing desperation, please share here so we can all snicker at this clown! And thank you, by the way, for posting that article. It was a great read 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey1982 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Great progress! I hate to be all Debbie Downer but don't be surprised if it gets worse before it gets better. You know yourself better than anyone here but based on your past posts, you have prematurely claimed victory in this department before. The real test will be the next time he texts you to not respond at all. No excuses about being polite or just friendly or just curious or just answering some 'innocent' question etc. Stone cold silence only. As he texts you in growing desperation, please share here so we can all snicker at this clown! And thank you, by the way, for posting that article. It was a great read Stay strong! NC will be your hardest part but your life preserver to keep you above the water!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
tornado Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Well done, Cocochai. Keep the good attitude. As for me, it's almost one month I'm NC with my MM. I just noticed he sent me messages on skype one week after NC, but they didn't appear until now... He even found my other FB account and sent me messages 2 days ago, saying, "at least I know you're alive", or "are you still sulking", "I want to know how you are" etc It seems that he thought I was going to go NC only for a week(that was the maximum I had succeeded before), he knows that I'm crazy about him, he probably thinks I can' live without him! I'm happy that I've managed being NC for almost a month. I was happy when I saw his messages trying to contact me... but I didn't precipitate to answer him. I'm still wondering if I'm going to answer him. He knows that this attitude from me is unusual. I don't know if he really misses me, or is playing with me, or is just bored and alone and wants to talk to someone... Tbh, I'm less and less addicted to him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey1982 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Well done, Cocochai. Keep the good attitude. As for me, it's almost one month I'm NC with my MM. I just noticed he sent me messages on skype one week after NC, but they didn't appear until now... He even found my other FB account and sent me messages 2 days ago, saying, "at least I know you're alive", or "are you still sulking", "I want to know how you are" etc It seems that he thought I was going to go NC only for a week(that was the maximum I had succeeded before), he knows that I'm crazy about him, he probably thinks I can' live without him! I'm happy that I've managed being NC for almost a month. I was happy when I saw his messages trying to contact me... but I didn't precipitate to answer him. I'm still wondering if I'm going to answer him. He knows that this attitude from me is unusual. I don't know if he really misses me, or is playing with me, or is just bored and alone and wants to talk to someone... Tbh, I'm less and less addicted to him. Tornado, will you reply???? I am over 10 weeks NC with my exMM and want contact soooooo bad. I won't reach out because I don't want him to know how much I've suffered. But, I am craving contact of any kind with him. I get so jealous when I see everyone's MM reaching back out. I should be happy but I'm not. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Tornado, will you reply???? I am over 10 weeks NC with my exMM and want contact soooooo bad. I won't reach out because I don't want him to know how much I've suffered. But, I am craving contact of any kind with him. I get so jealous when I see everyone's MM reaching back out. I should be happy but I'm not. Get rid of everything that was him. Delete all pictures, texts, emails gifts everything. Don't make any excuses to keep anything (unless he got you a car). Delete and block. Focus less on what was good, focus more on bad. This will be an issue because you have fantasize this relationship for so long. Your a strong crab and your almost out of the bucket, don't allow the other crabs to pull you back down. Stay focused on the path in front of you. What happiness is ahead. Lastly think about how you happiness was always second to his. If he had put you first at any time he would be with you and not her. Don't make excuses for his decision. If he truely loved you he would have picked you. If he cared for you he would have made it easy for you to go and wished you well. He is selfish and wanted you for what he could get out of you. Stay strong, move forward. Link to post Share on other sites
Mickey1982 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Get rid of everything that was him. Delete all pictures, texts, emails gifts everything. Don't make any excuses to keep anything (unless he got you a car). Delete and block. Focus less on what was good, focus more on bad. This will be an issue because you have fantasize this relationship for so long. Your a strong crab and your almost out of the bucket, don't allow the other crabs to pull you back down. Stay focused on the path in front of you. What happiness is ahead. Lastly think about how you happiness was always second to his. If he had put you first at any time he would be with you and not her. Don't make excuses for his decision. If he truely loved you he would have picked you. If he cared for you he would have made it easy for you to go and wished you well. He is selfish and wanted you for what he could get out of you. Stay strong, move forward. Thank you DK! He was mean after D-day only. He continually told me how happy he was and how his dead marriage was now better than ever. Any opportunity he had, he rubbed his GREAT marriage in my face. Yet, during out last phone call he professed his love for me. I wish I could only focus on this but I can't. All the great times and his love have squashed any bad at the end. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 Great progress! I hate to be all Debbie Downer but don't be surprised if it gets worse before it gets better. You know yourself better than anyone here but based on your past posts, you have prematurely claimed victory in this department before. The real test will be the next time he texts you to not respond at all. No excuses about being polite or just friendly or just curious or just answering some 'innocent' question etc. Stone cold silence only. As he texts you in growing desperation, please share here so we can all snicker at this clown! And thank you, by the way, for posting that article. It was a great read Yes I understand what your saying and the urge to not respond back but as long as I remember if I respond back, it's inly an ego boost for him and to know he'll never respect my feelings is an indicator of how much control he had over me. Mickey, you and I both know at some point ur XMM will reach out in the future. You just have to remember his stone cold reaction to how he handled the situation and after a 3 year A, how easily he can "see how much he loves his wife" and cut you off. Even if he comes back and apologies, I wouldn't give him a chance unless he's divorced w/ papers. Not only that, if think long and hard about being w/ a person who cheats on his wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 Well done, Cocochai. Keep the good attitude. As for me, it's almost one month I'm NC with my MM. I just noticed he sent me messages on skype one week after NC, but they didn't appear until now... He even found my other FB account and sent me messages 2 days ago, saying, "at least I know you're alive", or "are you still sulking", "I want to know how you are" etc It seems that he thought I was going to go NC only for a week(that was the maximum I had succeeded before), he knows that I'm crazy about him, he probably thinks I can' live without him! I'm happy that I've managed being NC for almost a month. I was happy when I saw his messages trying to contact me... but I didn't precipitate to answer him. I'm still wondering if I'm going to answer him. He knows that this attitude from me is unusual. I don't know if he really misses me, or is playing with me, or is just bored and alone and wants to talk to someone... Tbh, I'm less and less addicted to him. Geez that has to be hard but your doing great.. He's probably on disbelief your cutting him off. This is about YOU! Moving on and not becoming a second priority to him. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Waverly Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Okay did they merge my post lol What has helped me was reading up on the article I posted on Narssacist behavior and it's not that fact that I wanted him to myself, but for us to resume the A and to know he still wanted to reach out to me. His behavior shows he reaches out then, cuts things off when he feels I maybe getting emotional attached or if his BS suspects anything (a form of cruel punishment) But, I notice he always reaches back to ME (a formal lover). That right there is enough to let me know eventually he'll reach out but I have the power to end this mess. We all have the power but the letting go of the early stages (the good). But he'll never respect my feelings in this whole thing and it's a dead end anyway. I hate playing games but this is what I've been dealing with and finally see the reality of things. Cocochai, I'm so happy to read you're in a good place. Like a lot of others, I'm still struggling and hoping to eventually get there myself, but I LOVE hearing updates like yours. It's such a great feeling to let logic prevail. Thanks for sharing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tornado Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Tornado, will you reply???? I am over 10 weeks NC with my exMM and want contact soooooo bad. I won't reach out because I don't want him to know how much I've suffered. But, I am craving contact of any kind with him. I get so jealous when I see everyone's MM reaching back out. I should be happy but I'm not. My attitude now is "I will reply to him tomorrow", and tomorrow, the same sentence... Maybe I'll give him an answer in a few months. Don't be jealous about other MMS reaching back out... I know, easy to say... I think you haven't finished your story yet with your MM. You need to hate him to forget him... maybe you should do something against him to feel better. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted April 7, 2014 Author Share Posted April 7, 2014 My attitude now is "I will reply to him tomorrow", and tomorrow, the same sentence... Maybe I'll give him an answer in a few months. Don't be jealous about other MMS reaching back out... I know, easy to say... I think you haven't finished your story yet with your MM. You need to hate him to forget him... maybe you should do something against him to feel better. He will reach out when she has moved on and he's not an everyday thought for her. That's when they normally seem to reach out. That's a very good strategy too.., tell yourself everyday you'll get back to them tomorrow. Funny, but that's actually how I am with any other text from a friend I haven't heard from in awhile. "I'll get back to so snd so when I can". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
tornado Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 So his last message on FB was " don't you ever say I didn't try to see how you were , byeeeeee :p" with a big tongue smiley, what a drama-queen... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cocochai Posted April 8, 2014 Author Share Posted April 8, 2014 So his last message on FB was " don't you ever say I didn't try to see how you were , byeeeeee :p" with a big tongue smiley, what a drama-queen... Sounds like he's trying to make a joke about the situation of you ignoring him. Drama queen for sure lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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