kaylan Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) Yup...time to step away from dating unless I meet a woman I reeeeaaallly like. Ive just noticed that I feel unfulfilled usually when dating someone...and its rare that I catch strong feelings for a girl. In my 11 years of dating, Ive felt a strong spark with maybe 3 girls. I kinda just wanna take time to myself where I can be a loner, and focus on career and fitness goals. Seems more productive. When Im seeing someone I feel a lot of guilt because of the impending end. And I just cant deal with that feeling anymore. Its not in me not to care. I try to not care...but it doesnt work. Im seeing someone now, and its been almost a month that we've been talking...but I can tell shes way more into me than I am into her. Shes a sweet girl, but I dont want anything serious, and I was honest with her about that from the jump. But from the way she acts, I feel like shes always had in the back of her mind that things would lead somewhere. So things are gonna be very lame when I call it off. In which case, I feel like Im over dating unless I reeeeallly like the girl. Because it feels like a lot of girls say they would be cool with casual, but arent really up for it. And I really hate rejecting someone, especially after the physical stuff has already happened. Lol, Im not good @ dating. Edited April 7, 2014 by kaylan
Leigh 87 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Kaylan, I would want to know if a guy knew that he was way less into me than I was into him. The girl deserves the choice to continue dating a man who is not super into her. Some women are down with that; they are not looking for a guy that is crazy about them necessarily but rather, they want a nice guy to enjoy and who THEY are really into, without caring if the guy is as into them. As you know, women like me, Eternal Sunshine and Ruby Slippers all hate that sort of arrangement.... Are you hesitant to break it off because you like the sex and you genuinely enjoy your time together? Is it just her reaction that is worrisome? You wouldn't stand to lose much if you ended things now? You are not wanting to settle down and start a family. I am surprised you are still pursuing given the current state of mine you have spoken about on prior threads. It seems like you just wanted to have fun but even "fun" is too much effort when it is with a girl you're not truly into... having to deal with the fallout when they catch feelings for you.
David87 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I can relate to this situation. Sometimes we need time alone to sort things out. Every single date I go on ends the same, the girl wants to continue to see me but I don't. This week for example, I planed to go out with a realy sweet girl sunday but saturday another girl called to invite me to se a movie. I had to cancel the date I had for sunday and the girl was pretty upset.
Author kaylan Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 (edited) Leigh, Im definitely hesitant because Im worried how she will react. She seems really keen on me, so Im sure shes gonna be let down. Though Im hoping she will take it well. Im actually going to try to have a phone conversation with her during the weekend, because I know dealing with dating stuff is tough to deal with during the work week. Edited April 7, 2014 by kaylan
Leigh 87 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Leigh, Im definitely hesitant because Im worried how she will react. She seems really keen on me, so Im sure shes gonna be let down. Though Im hoping she will take it well. Im actually going to try to have a phone conversation with her during the weekend, because I know dealing with dating stuff is tough to deal with during the work week. This is the second thread you have made decently outlining how you met a woman and now have to end your "arrangement with her. Clearly, breaking this sort of news to women is not something you enjoy spending your time doing. Even if it is as minor as telling a girl you slept with once or twice that you are just not feeling it. First of all, I make sure to always reassure guys that it is nothing they are lacking; I even go as far as to say that they are as good looking/have as good of a personality as guys I have fallen for. And I am not lying. The spark is simply missing, I hate when they get all but hurt and think they are simply "not good enough". You are quiet considerate when it comes to women, you thinking of how the news would impact her working week is something that sticks out for me. That is sweet of you. It also highlights your character and the fact you dislike hurting people and invest time thinking about how you will go about ending situations with women; we all know girls are going to continually get hurt by you the more you date women you do not feel that crazy about. Some of them will get attached. Is that something you have time to deal with? Aren't you super focused on many things? It must be annoying to also have to spend time making threads about women you have to let down. Not to mention you feel a bit crappy having to go through the motions of doing it. It seems to me like you are not really suited to casual dating given your life circumstances. Would you rather spend time on other things? Don't you feel you need to conserve energy and time given your fast paced life? Do you want to waste more time talking about/going through the process of telling a women who is more into you than you are into her, that you just don't "feel it" for her? If you are really, ahem, " sexually frustrated", you can always have a ONS or have a casual thing but SELDOM get together with them.... so they do not get attached? Lolz. Not all women get attached but it is bound to happen and it is just more time you don't want to waste on here, lamenting about the perils of casual dating and not waiting out for a women that drives you nuts (in a good way:lmao:) I was in your position so I stopped. After the last crazy guy and the pain it caused me when he... got all suicidal on me, I was like " screw this"
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I think I need to do this too... have hidden my OLD profile... taking some time out x
Author kaylan Posted April 16, 2014 Author Posted April 16, 2014 Ok, so I ended things and she took it very well...and she appreciated my being upfront. I was major nervous though. Hopefully shes not upset about it, she seemed to take it in stride. Like I said, I hate rejections and breakups...Im come off awkward if I have to do them. But as it stands shes still open to talking and being friends...which Im cool with. Still feel a bit lame because I know she really liked me.
pickflicker Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 Ok, so I ended things and she took it very well...and she appreciated my being upfront. I was major nervous though. Hopefully shes not upset about it, she seemed to take it in stride. Like I said, I hate rejections and breakups...Im come off awkward if I have to do them. But as it stands shes still open to talking and being friends...which Im cool with. Still feel a bit lame because I know she really liked me. It's always better to be upfront. We women of substance can take it.
Ruby Slippers Posted April 16, 2014 Posted April 16, 2014 I think it's a very good sign that your conscience doesn't allow you to take advantage of people. And I think you're wise to focus on your career and personal goals for now. I've indulged in a relatively meaningless arrangement or two when I was very cynical and lonely. But ultimately it's not a good idea, and in the future I won't bother - because nothing is truly meaningless, and nobody likes being somebody else's time filler... even those who claim to be OK with it. 1
Recommended Posts