Coil Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I recently had an interaction with a woman that I have interest in, that I have not seen for 6 or so months. I had previously written her off, because I was under the impression that she was not interested, but that is a different story. This girl is smart, attractive, smaller, and is of a healthy weight with just a little fat in the right places. If she has gained any weight it is minimal. Nobody in their right mind would call her fat. Anyway we had a chance to talk in person for 30 or so minutes and I noticed she had made some comments about her weight that kind of threw me off. I am trying to figure out the psychology behind this. If it is due to insecurity, if she really thinks that she is going to get fat, was digging for compliments, trying to get me to show interest or what exactly was her motivation. One comment was basically that she was getting fat due to her new job making it harder to get out and run / exercise like she would like or whatever. Toward the end of we had a conversation about if she had to move away for an unlikely dream job and move back later in life. This is where she made a comment about how I would not recognize her because she would be fat and bald! This girl really is not fat and she has a head full of long hair...WTF She may have even mentioned it again but those are the 2 times that I can recall for sure. I am confused, so any opinions and feedback are appreciated...
Grumpybutfun Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 This is where women used to really lose me when single...if you think so little of yourself to tell me how awful your perception of yourself is....there is something lacking that no one else can fill. I used to refer to girls like this as bottomless pits of ego need...nothing you do or say will fill that lack inside of herself because her insecurity is fed by her own words and thoughts. Run, G 3
Tressugar Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I can totally relate to this woman. I am exactly like her in this manner. It's based on her own perception on how she views herself. In her mind's eye, she sees herself at a certain weight/hair length. The other poster is right, when mentioning that these women are a bottomless pit. It may have something to do with a convoluted self esteem, but I would like to believe it has a lot to do in seeking the elusive self perfection.
lollipopspot Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 This girl is smart, attractive, smaller, and is of a healthy weight with just a little fat in the right places. If she has gained any weight it is minimal. Nobody in their right mind would call her fat.... This is where she made a comment about how I would not recognize her because she would be fat and bald! This girl really is not fat and she has a head full of long hair... I am confused, so any opinions and feedback are appreciated... Here's my guess - those "right places" probably don't feel right to her. At the moment I'm about 115 but I'm not thrilled with the distribution of fat. My weight means I can't be obese - but I think I have a little too much fat in certain areas. Does anyone else think so? Probably not - I'm called thin all the time. My guess is that she's also had some hair thinning. That happens to a lot of women. Most people won't notice it, but the person it happens to is hyper attuned to it. One of my friends has amazing long, thick hair, but is self conscious about and tries to hide a patch of thin hair on the top of her head. There's probably some reality to what this lady is saying, but it's perception how big of a deal it is. 3
TB Rhine Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 You're a validation machine. She's putting a coin in.
Els Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 It's probably because some people have a skewed idea of what a woman should look like, and she has probably been called 'fat' by them. Of course, ideally she would laugh in face of the person who said that, but it is quite normal and human to internalize, especially when one is young and naive. So, in a way, I can understand. It isn't your duty to 'fix' her, though. Be genuinely nice and complimentary. But if she keeps on needing your validation and constantly talks down about herself, you don't need to hang around if you don't want to. She has to work on this herself. 2
Fondue Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I don't like that self loathing/pity part aspect of PEOPLE (read: both men/women do this). If someone around me is trying to feed on compliments and pretty much is digging for them, I simply choose to acknowledge their statements but make no effort to correct them. If they say, "I'm so fat, ugh!" I would either A) Ignore it. Or B) Or say, "Oh. Alright?" and end it there. No need to discuss it, change their mind, or whatever. Most of the time they're just asking for their ego to be stroked. Don't give it. 1
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I recently had an interaction with a woman that I have interest in, that I have not seen for 6 or so months. I had previously written her off, because I was under the impression that she was not interested, but that is a different story. This girl is smart, attractive, smaller, and is of a healthy weight with just a little fat in the right places. If she has gained any weight it is minimal. Nobody in their right mind would call her fat. Anyway we had a chance to talk in person for 30 or so minutes and I noticed she had made some comments about her weight that kind of threw me off. I am trying to figure out the psychology behind this. If it is due to insecurity, if she really thinks that she is going to get fat, was digging for compliments, trying to get me to show interest or what exactly was her motivation. One comment was basically that she was getting fat due to her new job making it harder to get out and run / exercise like she would like or whatever. Toward the end of we had a conversation about if she had to move away for an unlikely dream job and move back later in life. This is where she made a comment about how I would not recognize her because she would be fat and bald! This girl really is not fat and she has a head full of long hair...WTF She may have even mentioned it again but those are the 2 times that I can recall for sure. I am confused, so any opinions and feedback are appreciated... Sounds like she's just fishing for compliments to me. She's waiting for you to say "you don't look fat you look beautiful" she's attention seeking. Either that or she's so insecure she wants validation that you find her hot
regine_phalange Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 She has very low self esteem. I hate when a man says something similar for himself (its not only a feminine trait). I like self-sarcasm, but nagging for one's appearance... No. 2
Emilia Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 This is where women used to really lose me when single...if you think so little of yourself to tell me how awful your perception of yourself is....there is something lacking that no one else can fill. I used to refer to girls like this as bottomless pits of ego need...nothing you do or say will fill that lack inside of herself because her insecurity is fed by her own words and thoughts. Run, G A colleague of mine is like this and she is exhausting. If anyone compliments her it's 'but you don't know what I look like naked'. She looks perfectly normal and has a small waist even
Noproblem Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Women & girls say such things all the time, it's normal 1
Emilia Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Women & girls say such things all the time, it's normal No it's not. It really isn't and I wish they would stop.
gaius Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 This just reminds me of one time when I got stuck in a conversation with a married woman I was trying to hit on. She started talking about what areas she thought were horrible and I felt obligated to tell her how not horrible they were. We ended up getting into a vicious circle of that and the conversation fizzled out.
saltyfishhead666 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 No it's not. It really isn't and I wish they would stop. Even I find it annoying and I'm a girl!! I'm pretty sure I was a bloke in a past life
irc333 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 You're a validation machine. She's putting a coin in. Yeah, like most women who do this....she is fishing for compliments. "Oh, no honey...you look great! Now that I validated you.....let's go back to my place, okay? ;-) 1
irc333 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Sounds like she's just fishing for compliments to me. She's waiting for you to say "you don't look fat you look beautiful" she's attention seeking. Either that or she's so insecure she wants validation that you find her hot Sometimes I wonder....a way to attract a woman is to NOT validate her, yes? 1
Emilia Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Even I find it annoying and I'm a girl!! I'm pretty sure I was a bloke in a past life I don't think it's a male/female thing necessarily - which is why I wish women who do this would stop because they make it look like all women are insecure. It's just that men show their insecurity in different ways, partly because their mates kick them up the backside if they complain too much. As a woman you are almost encouraged or patted on the head. As a man you get a bollocking for being too weak.
TB Rhine Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Sometimes I wonder....a way to attract a woman is to NOT validate her, yes? Yes. She's blatantly trying to manipulate you... she says jump, you say how high. You have to prove that you can't be steered about in such a way or she'll hold you in contempt. 1
tbf Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 False modesty to elicit compliments can be so annoying. 1
melodymatters Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Wow guys, really ??? Lets take it a step further and lock her up in an asylum ! Sheesh, my guess is a lot more innocent and normal : She recently put on a few lbs that SHE is feeling self conscious about and since she is attracted to the OP she is worried that he may not be attracted to her because of it. At my size I notice 5lbs a LOT and it bugs me. I'm a super open person and if I felt close to the person I was talking to I might mention it, not realizing that I was coming off as a bottomless pit of narcissistic need and mental illness. We are not talking about a long term pattern of cutting and self loathing, we are talking about a young woman who might not be feeling her prettiest right now and perhaps IS seeking a little validation that the OP finds her attractive. 4
Shaun-Dro Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 I recently had an interaction with a woman that I have interest in, that I have not seen for 6 or so months. I had previously written her off, because I was under the impression that she was not interested, but that is a different story. This girl is smart, attractive, smaller, and is of a healthy weight with just a little fat in the right places. If she has gained any weight it is minimal. Nobody in their right mind would call her fat. Anyway we had a chance to talk in person for 30 or so minutes and I noticed she had made some comments about her weight that kind of threw me off. I am trying to figure out the psychology behind this. If it is due to insecurity, if she really thinks that she is going to get fat, was digging for compliments, trying to get me to show interest or what exactly was her motivation. One comment was basically that she was getting fat due to her new job making it harder to get out and run / exercise like she would like or whatever. Toward the end of we had a conversation about if she had to move away for an unlikely dream job and move back later in life. This is where she made a comment about how I would not recognize her because she would be fat and bald! This girl really is not fat and she has a head full of long hair...WTF She may have even mentioned it again but those are the 2 times that I can recall for sure. I am confused, so any opinions and feedback are appreciated... Ignore this dame now. She spells drama from here to tomorrow. You'd be better off to steer clear of these types. Head games!
ASG Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 Wow guys, really ??? Lets take it a step further and lock her up in an asylum ! Sheesh, my guess is a lot more innocent and normal : She recently put on a few lbs that SHE is feeling self conscious about and since she is attracted to the OP she is worried that he may not be attracted to her because of it. At my size I notice 5lbs a LOT and it bugs me. I'm a super open person and if I felt close to the person I was talking to I might mention it, not realizing that I was coming off as a bottomless pit of narcissistic need and mental illness. We are not talking about a long term pattern of cutting and self loathing, we are talking about a young woman who might not be feeling her prettiest right now and perhaps IS seeking a little validation that the OP finds her attractive. I tend to agree with this post. A few years ago I put on about 10kgs (or around 20lbs). I didn't lose them, so I'm still carrying them. Sometimes I mention that I need to lose weight, or that I am dieting and people look at me like I'm crazy. Am I fat? No. Could I lose some weight? Definitely! I don't say that Im fat often, but sometimes it will come out, specially if I'm stuffing my face with a monumental pizza along with some beers! And I'm mostly joking. Maybe it was the same thing with this woman?
deathandtaxes Posted April 11, 2014 Posted April 11, 2014 A lot of people have body issues. Just be a good pal and let her talk. That's most likely all she wants.
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