ASG Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 It's funny how there is nobody telling her how important it is to have friends. And that nobody would want to date a woman who doesn't have any. Or how she'll never meet any men etc. Take a look at my post! I don't toot 2 horns. Just the one! Link to post Share on other sites
Standard-Fare Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Adding an anecdote here that may or may not be relevant. I dated a guy within the past year who from the start described himself as "a lone wolf." That was fine at first, but over time I realized that he truly didn't have any sort of social life at all outside of dating me. Part of it was understandable -- he'd moved to new area just a year before, and it's hard to meet new people in your mid-30s. But I saw that he made no effort to do anything but hang out in his apartment alone with his dog watching sports. Coworkers invited him out after work, he wouldn't go. And he didn't really have any hobbies that took him out of that apartment. The kicker for me was that I invited him to a BBQ I was hosting, with a lot of my friends attending. He declined, saying he didn't feel comfortable. We'd been dating for about a month and a half then so I considered that pretty neurotic. Eventually I couldn't deal with the reality that I was his only outlet for social interaction -- I saw the potential for the relationship to get really INTENSE with that dynamic. I also saw more generally that he wasn't going to be able to integrate smoothly into my own social life. I think my point is -- showing off your friends isn't as important as demonstrating that you're not an antisocial hermit with no life of your own and no ability to function in group situations. Link to post Share on other sites
jay1983 Posted April 7, 2014 Share Posted April 7, 2014 Yeah that's a red flag for me. When I was younger, I was with a couple of girls that don't have any girl friends, it was weird. But not for the same reason your describing, they didn't have girl friends cause they didn't get along with other girls. There were a things I didn't like about their personalities, extreme jealousy was one, so yeah that would make me think twice. Link to post Share on other sites
Disillusioned Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 It's funny how there is nobody telling her how important it is to have friends. And that nobody would want to date a woman who doesn't have any. Or how she'll never meet any men etc. On the contrary, she might be a real ball of fire. You never know 'til you try. Link to post Share on other sites
SpiralOut Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I once had a bf who kept pushing at me to make more friends even though I felt fine the way I was. If anything, I had more of a life than he did. I liked having my space and I felt like he didn't give me enough of it. I felt like he just wanted me to get more friends because he wanted to go out and party and get drunk but he had nobody to do it with. I think he just wanted to get more friends through me. I introduced him to two of my guy friends who he treated badly by using them. Okay rant over. Point is, there are guys who have a problem with it but sometimes it is more about them, not you. Link to post Share on other sites
Noproblem Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 I can relate. When we were young like in highschool days, friends meant the world to us. But as you get older, even your best friends all leave and have their separate lives. All my friends have move on with their lives, most got married and have a family, others move to other states for their career. I have since made new friends wherever I go but it's not the same. Friends come and go quite easily nowadays. Now I understand why so many seniors don't have much friends. That's just how life plays out. Exactly. Your friends get so busy with their life, you seem the only one caring for the friendship, until at one point, you realize, it's not a friendship anymore. Because friendship needs marinating. People need to talk at least once a week, they need to share their happy times and bad times. Some can keep a friendship for so long, but others just don't care. Link to post Share on other sites
Omei Posted April 8, 2014 Share Posted April 8, 2014 (edited) I've had a friend for 11 years but in 2007-2009 she got a bf and I was going through some post pardom depression, she would always flake on me and not be there I couldn't believe that I was going to lose my only long term friend. One day I contacted her spoke for hours about my hardhips dealing with a recent ex that was abusive and the struggle of being alone raising a newborn at 20, I told her how much her absence made me unhappy and that I needed her by my side, she thought I was pushing her away and was only respecting my distance, I only saw her like maybe once in that time, now we're stronger than ever and text daily hang out weekly just like we did when we were 19. It all doesn't matter but what im trying to say is those friends you had for years is the connection truely lost forever? Unless there was an issue that caused the actual friendship to end? If its just falling out of touch is there no way to try to re connect? Maybe through the girl you talk to sometimes can connect you back with the other two? Maybe all it takes is honesty like me. Just wondering.. Edited April 8, 2014 by Omei Link to post Share on other sites
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