maestrok Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Just realized that I have never really gotten a closure in any of my past breakups. There were obviously reasons/incidents that triggered the breakup itself but then I was still left to wonder why we had to break up or why he had to act/say things like that. Do you guys ever get closures? How do they happen?
yang2k4 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I gotta admit I've always been the dumper. When we have come to that point I've done it in a secure place for her, say, her apartment, not Mcdonalds, email, SMS or over the phone. I've had explained them that I was frustrated certain things weren't working the way I wanted and that while I did try to fix them, It wasn't. I told her the good stuff and the bad stuff so she could work on them for her own good. Most of them I did love them but the relation ship needed extra work from their end. One or two I loathed at that point. So I almost never closed the door of reconciliation, just said, I hope you the best. Most of them, applied the NC and I admit that it worked better in those cases. It allowed me to sour down my decision and later on have a grown up follow up talk with them. This is what they would say, was their clousure. I admit, I even reconcilie with one of them after she applied NC for a few months and I realized she was a good catch. Eventually thou, same small things popped up and we ended it. But well, I 've always tried to give them clousure. be honest and straight about what happened from my POW. I'm going to my first time being the dumpee, and I expect to get clousure....Is strange being on the other side of the coin. At least I don't feel bad karma for I never was a douche with my ex'es
Author maestrok Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Funny thing for me is that I have always been the dumper too but in many cases because the guy did or said things that are unacceptable. So I still wonder sometimes why they had to do that or say that when had they not (which they totally could have) we would have kept whatever great things we had had and things would have been so mch different today.
Haydn Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Closure is that it is not happening anymore. If he or she give you a reason for ending it, won`t you always have another question? Nope, over is closure. Funny thing for me is that I have always been the dumper too but in many cases because the guy did or said things that are unacceptable. So I still wonder sometimes why they had to do that or say that when had they not (which they totally could have) we would have kept whatever great things we had had and things would have been so mch different today.
yang2k4 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Funny thing for me is that I have always been the dumper too but in many cases because the guy did or said things that are unacceptable. So I still wonder sometimes why they had to do that or say that when had they not (which they totally could have) we would have kept whatever great things we had had and things would have been so mch different today. Oh interesting, can you give me an example of such things? I always welcome an opportunity to understand
d0nnivain Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I got closure in the 2 relationships where I had residual feelings. Usually by the time I was done & said the words I already had my closure. Anyway the 1st one came about 2-3 years later. I ran into him at an industry function. His wife was pregnant with their first child. He told me they scheduled a C-section & I said I hoped their health was OK. He said both were find but the surgery was scheduled because he didn't want to be inconvenienced by a "surprise" birth at a bad time in his work routine. I called him a number of names; selfish was the nicest thing I said. He just laughed & said "that attitude is exactly why this isn't your [my] kid." I was floored but I finally had my closure & realized I had dodged a bullet. Second time, it came in the middle of wedding planning with my husband. My EX & I had been broken up for years & I had dated a few people in between him & DH. Part of our demise was I wanted to get married but he was in the "it's just a piece of paper" camp. Wedding planning for us was relatively stress free but it still had its moments. During a particularly stressful period it finally dawned on me that had I married the other guy it would never have gone as smoothly as it did with DH & we never would have survived the process. It helped me finalize the fact that I am with the right person.
Author maestrok Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Closure is that it is not happening anymore. If he or she give you a reason for ending it, won`t you always have another question? Nope, over is closure. I mean this is practically what i tell myself and try to just forget about the whole quetion marks but still i sometimes ask "but why?" though i forget about it again 1
Author maestrok Posted April 6, 2014 Author Posted April 6, 2014 Maybe when i finally meet my Mr Right, i wont wonder anymore. Now i wonder when/who that would be haha 1
realfriends Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Closure comes from within. No one can give you closure except yourself. 3
Trovador Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Personally, looking for closure was just a pretext not to forget my ex... anyone can close the circle by himself, no "it's not you, it's me" from the ex is worth being left hanging for weeks, months and even years... 1
sooshi Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I agree with realfriends that closure comes from within. Often, we think it comes from someone else (I've been susceptible to this), but really, it comes from you. You can ask as many questions as you want, and get as many answers as you can from the person you're seeking answers from, but unless you close things yourself, you're going to go around in a carousel seeking for peace.
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