sooshi Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I've only been on here for three weeks, but it has helped immensely with my healing. Below are some of the ways I can think of. - I've had an outpour of support with my situation. Getting other people's perspectives has been really helpful. - Reading about other people's situations has taught me a lot about why things happen sometimes in relationships. - I realized that I can be okay without having my ex-fiance in my life. For over four years, I didn't think I could live without him. I was wrong. I still miss him, but at least I know that I can live without him. - I was reminded that I'm not a terrible person. Yes, I blocked him for pursuing my best friend and encouraged her to do so, and it really upset him. He told me that I was one of the most inauthentic, untrustworthy, and manipulative people he has never known. I believed it all. Not wanting to be any of that, I spent days in suicidal ideation, genuinely believing that I was a terrible person for having led him to feel hatred, and for apparently being manipulative and untrustworthy. I thought that if I was such an awful person, I didn't deserve to live in this world. - I've let go of the friend who I had considered my best friend, and my "one true" friend, who did not stand up to my ex-fiance for me throughout his entire pursuit of her, or even afterwards. - I left Facebook. My ex-fiance had deleted me a couple of weeks before, and it was too hard for me to stay on there. Leaving it was a very healthy decision. - I've become more assertive. I've developed a thicker skin. - I've decided on what I'd like to have in partner, and I won't settle. Some things include: a lifestyle conducive to mine (healthy in every way); someone who truly wants to be with me; someone who is emotionally stable. Thanks to everyone on here who has shown some support along the way. How has being on here helped YOU to heal? 6
elseaacych Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I've learned a lot about relationship dynamics and relationship psychology. Each relationship and break up is truly different, but we all hurt and love similarly. It helps to have a community of people who will give you the tough love you need to get through your adversity. I've learned that I'm still subtly trying to get my ex's attention. No, I am not proud of it. But I've learned that it's not really going to make a difference if he's over me. So I am packing up and moving on. I've learned that it's okay to feel. For a long time, I was bottling up emotions, and they were leaking out... badly. I am learned that all the feelings I'm feeling are normal and okay. And they will pass. I've learned that even on "bad days", if you still manage to stick to your convictions, at the end of the day, it's really not a bad day. I've learned that life goes on after a break up. It's just fundamentally different than expected. I just want to give all of you great big hugs, and wish you all the best, because you all are wonderful and kind hearted. 3
Trovador Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Basically, I learned the importance of NC, which I had implemented at that time rudimentarily on my own... I learned that it was for me only and that I could heal and forget if I was strong enough... Above all, I learned here to be honest with myself, that allowed me to distance myself (or erase myself) from the ex and be strong when she decided she wanted another go... Being on a community of so good people as the BU sub forum has been a privilege! 2
Breadimus Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Really nice idea sooshi. This is from a male perspective -What we think just happens out of the blue is not really the case. The build up towards separation can last a long time, and only through the want of both parties to identify the problems and fix them can they be addressed. - People are inherently selfish, and this is a good thing. We must address what we want first in a relationship for it to work. If you pander to your partners every wish, do not stand up for yourself and do not treat them as an equal but as a 'better being' then a relationship is not going to work. This comes down to the happy in yourself mantra and if you don't believe you are worthy then it will become a self fulfilling prophecy. - As a man, be the leader. The man you were when your ex met you is the man she fell in love with. We all go through our ups and downs but it is important to stay true to who you are and continue to be the person people are attracted to. -I have always advocated NO contact and ex's are not friends. You lived a life before them and you will live a life after. -Be thankful for every moment you had and for every thought shared. I regret that I spend too much of my life in the future or in the past and not enough time in the present. This break up has given me the opportunity to address this and focus on seizing a moment and not dwelling on what may be. 2
redbaron005 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Being on LS has contributed to my healing process: 1) By demonstrating that healing is possible; 2) By teaching me NC and the value of self-worth; 3) By connecting me to a knowledgable support network; 4) By providing me a place to visit in lieu of my ex's social media; and, 5) By empowering me to be more emotionally cognisant of myself and others. So, thank you. 1
StGeorge22 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 For me the biggest thing I've learned is that I'm not the only one going thru this. I had one if those relationships that everyone thought was perfect and I couldn't believe she would just bail on me after I stood by her when she was really low. Then I come on here and see that there are hundreds of other people going thru the same thing. I don't know, it's just kind of comforting. I also really love hearing from the people who have been hurt but find happiness elsewhere. I guess I'm not there yet so it gives me hope 3
WYSWYG Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 pardon me, guys. "LS" is short for? I totally forgot. Thanks in advance.
WYSWYG Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 *Love Shack* ....omg! Thanks, sooshi Well, this site has: * helped me understand NC. * was therapeutic knowing others are going thru the same process. * gave me perspective of different RS dynamics from others. * gave me a sense of relief knowing my contributions helped others as well. 2
lofi_tokyo Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 LS has taught me to: - Work on improving myself. - Learn from breakups. - Accept why a breakup was a good thing -> despite it not feeling that way initially. - Accept that the one person's behavior that I can control is my own. - See how some of my behavior is childish. - Know when to talk away.
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