iouaname Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 So after several months of solid no contact, my ex has kind of reappeared. Talking to him was strange but not terrible? I was taken aback by how nice he was. He was very apologetic about things that happened, very eager to talk to me about his life and to hear about mine. He mentioned that he was upset that I had blocked him off of everything, and when I said that I didn't think he'd care, he went "well people ask about you and I'm like 'oh yeah the girl I was in a year in a half relationship with who blocked me from everything, won't speak to me and won't acknowledge my existence?" it seemed as if he cared a lot more than I realized. So we talked. I wasn't upset by anything he had to say and I didn't feel any anxiety about it... I'm wondering if maybe we can be friends? The problem is that I don't want to be dumb and convince myself that it's worth giving him another chance to be in my life (as a casual friend) to get hurt again.
elseaacych Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Be very careful with this. I did this with my ex through text. His cordiality threw me off guard, and I suddenly had the urge to rush in guns a-blazing to be "friends", but realized very quickly that I wasn't to that point yet. It set me back a bit in the healing process. Many people have to go YEARS before they can have a friendship with an ex, and the fact that something about it felt strange is an indication that you guys aren't ready to do that. 6
JDPT Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I'm reluctant about the possibility of you being open to the idea of friendship. Do not read into that encounter. Allow it to remain in the past as you continue to move forward with your life. You have been trough the wringer and back. Allow yourself to fully heal. 4
Mcnulty Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Be very careful, it sounds like his ego is in the driving seat wit this line:"well people ask about you and I'm like 'oh yeah the girl I was in a year in a half relationship with who blocked me from everything, won't speak to me and won't acknowledge my existence?"....Maybe he just wants to know you still care for him, but be very aware of your own feelings for him...do you want him back still or just friends? if it's the former, tread carefully is my advice miss. 1
Jiivy Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Be very careful with this. I did this with my ex through text. His cordiality threw me off guard, and I suddenly had the urge to rush in guns a-blazing to be "friends", but realized very quickly that I wasn't to that point yet. It set me back a bit in the healing process. Many people have to go YEARS before they can have a friendship with an ex, and the fact that something about it felt strange is an indication that you guys aren't ready to do that. I'd have to agree. Let's be clear about the facts. Your ex contacting you drove you to post a topic for help here on LS. You're not over him yet - I'm still reeling from my ex abandonning me and have developed the "I'm over it" mindset already... but here I am at 1:30am writing on LS because I can't sleep. My head is over it, my heart isn't. Is yours??? 1
Author iouaname Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 thanks for the responses everyone! I am in no way suggesting that I am over everything to do with my ex. It was a significant relationship in my life and I don't know that I'll ever be "over it." That said, it doesn't cause the same pain that it did before. I also don't believe that I still have romantic feelings for him. I think that the reason it is weird for me is because I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the idea of him knowing about my life, or me knowing about his. I want to believe that it was a mistake for him to break up with me, regardless of whether I want him back. Maybe that's my own ego speaking?
Jiivy Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 thanks for the responses everyone! I am in no way suggesting that I am over everything to do with my ex. It was a significant relationship in my life and I don't know that I'll ever be "over it." That said, it doesn't cause the same pain that it did before. I also don't believe that I still have romantic feelings for him. I think that the reason it is weird for me is because I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the idea of him knowing about my life, or me knowing about his. I want to believe that it was a mistake for him to break up with me, regardless of whether I want him back. Maybe that's my own ego speaking? I understand how you feel. Perhaps it was a mistake - and yes, in many ways he doesn't deserve to be so involved in your life anymore. He gave up on something good. You sound like a compassionate person and it's always hard to say no to people you cared about deeply. It's ok to listen to your ego here. You decided how much to let him in and how much to share. Just know that he chose this - this is the result of him giving up...the guy can't have his cake and eat it. Especially not at your expense. 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 thanks for the responses everyone! I am in no way suggesting that I am over everything to do with my ex. It was a significant relationship in my life and I don't know that I'll ever be "over it." That said, it doesn't cause the same pain that it did before. I also don't believe that I still have romantic feelings for him. I think that the reason it is weird for me is because I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the idea of him knowing about my life, or me knowing about his. I want to believe that it was a mistake for him to break up with me, regardless of whether I want him back. Maybe that's my own ego speaking? The only time you should consider un-blocking him from everything and establishing a new connection with him, is when you SEE him in the arms of another woman, in a passionate and obviously sincere, serious an dedicated clinch - and all you can think of is "Oh yeah...I need some sweet peppers....." In other words, there has to be a complete and total disconnect. And if you don't see yourself ever reaching 'that place' then - don't even go there. 2
David87 Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 The only time you should consider un-blocking him from everything and establishing a new connection with him, is when you SEE him in the arms of another woman, in a passionate and obviously sincere, serious an dedicated clinch - and all you can think of is "Oh yeah...I need some sweet peppers....." I love it when you say this Tara Op don't do it because you haven't reached indifference yet. 3
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 The only time you should consider un-blocking him from everything and establishing a new connection with him, is when you SEE him in the arms of another woman, in a passionate and obviously sincere, serious an dedicated clinch - and all you can think of is "Oh yeah...I need some sweet peppers....." I love it when you say this Tara Op don't do it because you haven't reached indifference yet. I'm going to have to add it to the NC Guide i think. If it fits - go for it!!
mangetout Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 thanks for the responses everyone! I am in no way suggesting that I am over everything to do with my ex. It was a significant relationship in my life and I don't know that I'll ever be "over it." That said, it doesn't cause the same pain that it did before. I also don't believe that I still have romantic feelings for him. I think that the reason it is weird for me is because I'm not sure that I'm comfortable with the idea of him knowing about my life, or me knowing about his. I want to believe that it was a mistake for him to break up with me, regardless of whether I want him back. Maybe that's my own ego speaking? I personally don't think there is any harm in meeting him the one time. You may need to do this to see how far you have come to self healing. You sound sensible enough. If your emotions are stirred up then at least you know that a friendship with him is impossible at the moment. 1
TaraMaiden Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 I personally don't think there is any harm in meeting him the one time. You may need to do this to see how far you have come to self healing. You sound sensible enough. If your emotions are stirred up then at least you know that a friendship with him is impossible at the moment. With the greatest respect, mangetout, this poster's history is so damaged, fractured and painful, meeting him would probably be to her greatest disadvantage and detriment. She has been through an awful lot, and that she has arrived at the stage she is today, is to her credit - but it has taken months of anxiety, sadness and heartbreak. To be in touch with him now; to meet and greet, would be a huge set-back for her. 2
Author iouaname Posted April 7, 2014 Author Posted April 7, 2014 I've taken some time to think about it and considered the advice of everyone here, and I won't be pursuing a friendship with him. I don't believe that him being in my life would have any real negative effects, but I also don't see any positive ones. His call was kind and his intentions were good and I believe that he has grown and matured as person, but I believe that I have as well -- at least enough to leave the entire situation in the past. 4
mangetout Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 Fair play to you OP. Fairplay. Love your avatar by the way
mangetout Posted April 7, 2014 Posted April 7, 2014 With the greatest respect, mangetout, this poster's history is so damaged, fractured and painful, meeting him would probably be to her greatest disadvantage and detriment. She has been through an awful lot, and that she has arrived at the stage she is today, is to her credit - but it has taken months of anxiety, sadness and heartbreak. To be in touch with him now; to meet and greet, would be a huge set-back for her. Tara can you read my thread and give me your opinion pls. I am interested to hear what you have to say about my ex. Sorry to hog this thread OP
Audieme Posted April 8, 2014 Posted April 8, 2014 I've taken some time to think about it and considered the advice of everyone here, and I won't be pursuing a friendship with him. I don't believe that him being in my life would have any real negative effects, but I also don't see any positive ones. His call was kind and his intentions were good and I believe that he has grown and matured as person, but I believe that I have as well -- at least enough to leave the entire situation in the past. I think you have a good head on your shoulders. 1
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