On the Brink

[A.Moscote]

"Ideally I would love to find a guy I really click with, but not for marriage or moving in with me, just a boyfriend. "

 

You've did right by honestly answering your husband's difficult question, and now again with the same courage you answered miguelcervantes'. Kudos for all that.

 

Sorry that your marriage end with a divorce, at least it was decided based on the truth. There's a lot we all can learn from you story. Hopefully by now you know what you could and couldn't commit in a relationship.

 

From your thread I guess you are an attractive woman, you'll find dozens of guys you can really click with as a boyfriend. So it's not a difficult idealism, no need to worry about that. I personally do believe that style is suitable for you, and can help you achieve balance and happiness in life.

 

Be strong for the coming few weeks, it could be quite a tumble. Continue clinging to honesty. Take your time to move forward and grow. Avoid married person or from doing unjust toward others.

[bv120]

So then it is fair to say that both of you want out of the marriage (not just your husband). And you now have a boyfriend ... right?

 

 

The entire idea of an R was me attempting to give him what he seemed to want. I was suffering for him, although he likely didn't notice. Yes I have a boyfriend now and no secrets.

[bv120]

"Ideally I would love to find a guy I really click with, but not for marriage or moving in with me, just a boyfriend. "

 

You've did right by honestly answering your husband's difficult question, and now again with the same courage you answered miguelcervantes'. Kudos for all that.

 

Sorry that your marriage end with a divorce, at least it was decided based on the truth. There's a lot we all can learn from you story. Hopefully by now you know what you could and couldn't commit in a relationship.

 

From your thread I guess you are an attractive woman, you'll find dozens of guys you can really click with as a boyfriend. So it's not a difficult idealism, no need to worry about that. I personally do believe that style is suitable for you, and can help you achieve balance and happiness in life.

 

Be strong for the coming few weeks, it could be quite a tumble. Continue clinging to honesty. Take your time to move forward and grow. Avoid married person or from doing unjust toward others.

 

 

I'm afraid lying goes hand in hand with affairs and adultery. It is a wonderful thing to plan a fun evening now without having to tell 4 lies. I compartmentalized the affairs. It was the only arena I lied in and convinced myself it was OK since it enabled my affairs.

 

 

I am attractive and not shy about it. That self-knowledge runs deep within my psyche and I think it's one of my problems. I'm pretty much convinced I can have any guy I want.

 

 

Married Men - You don't walk out in front of an eighteen-wheeler. You don't date a married man. No way I could put up with the crap some of the OWs put up with.

 

 

Thanks for your advice and kind words.

 

 

bv

[Cpt]

I just read through the thread. I don't think you really ever loved both your xh and stbxh, probably just the idea of being married to them.

 

You can have successful relationships in the future and here is how you do it...

 

Open relationships.

[Artie Lang]

I just read through the thread. I don't think you really ever loved both your xh and stbxh

 

she only loves herself and the adoration and attention others(men) bestow on her.

[BeholdtheMan]

So I sucked up my courage

 

Make sure that's the only thing you suck

[Spectre]

she only loves herself and the adoration and attention others(men) bestow on her.

 

Pretty much, I wonder if her current boyfriend knows the type of person he is with.

[BHsigh]

The entire idea of an R was me attempting to give him what he seemed to want. I was suffering for him, although he likely didn't notice. Yes I have a boyfriend now and no secrets.

 

Your husband said divorce five days ago, you know and admit that you have problems and you have a boyfriend already?

 

Wow, I think most people would have suggested taking some time to yourself to learn how to make yourself happy before jumping into another relationship.

[bv120]

Your husband said divorce five days ago, you know and admit that you have problems and you have a boyfriend already?

 

Wow, I think most people would have suggested taking some time to yourself to learn how to make yourself happy before jumping into another relationship.

 

 

It's not like I went looking for a new relationship. I had one. The NC never affected the EA in the least. The relationship was a hair's breath away from becoming a PA when I agreed to NC. When my STBX left I'm afraid nothing could have prevented me from resuming where we left off.

 

 

bv

[bigman1]

BV, I'm unsure of some things, not that it matters, but kindly answer these:

1. Why would you try to reconcile given (a) your history with marriage in general, (b) your thoughts on remarrying in the future, and © your feelings (lack thereof) for this husband?

 

2. What exactly are you looking for on this particular forum or what are you hoping to contribute to this forum? This is not a round about way of criticizing you or anything like that, I am just curious.

 

3. What do possible appeal do committed(ish) relationships hold for you?

 

4. While you believe that you can have any guy that you want, is that really what drives you? I mean, is it more affirming to be able to have any guy that you desire to want you rather than to be with one man exclusively?

 

Goodness knows, if I set my sights on a woman, I got her, every time, but it was not a lifestyle for me. You interest me because you have that attitude of a an elite athlete, but time catches us all. One day you are "pretty and know it", then you become "pretty for your age" and then the next day you "used to be pretty back in the day" and then... When that happens..., well lets just say those are the old ladies that will bl0w a young guy if you compliment them and pay them a little attention. Don't ask how I know.

[bv120]

BV, I'm unsure of some things, not that it matters, but kindly answer these:

1. Why would you try to reconcile given (a) your history with marriage in general, (b) your thoughts on remarrying in the future, and © your feelings (lack thereof) for this husband?

 

2. What exactly are you looking for on this particular forum or what are you hoping to contribute to this forum? This is not a round about way of criticizing you or anything like that, I am just curious.

 

3. What do possible appeal do committed(ish) relationships hold for you?

 

4. While you believe that you can have any guy that you want, is that really what drives you? I mean, is it more affirming to be able to have any guy that you desire to want you rather than to be with one man exclusively?

 

Goodness knows, if I set my sights on a woman, I got her, every time, but it was not a lifestyle for me. You interest me because you have that attitude of a an elite athlete, but time catches us all. One day you are "pretty and know it", then you become "pretty for your age" and then the next day you "used to be pretty back in the day" and then... When that happens..., well lets just say those are the old ladies that will bl0w a young guy if you compliment them and pay them a little attention. Don't ask how I know.

 

 

1) I had mixed emotions about the R. I agreed to it primarily due to guilt. I never had one shred of guilt or remorse during my first marriage. I never admitted anything to the first husband. I did admit the EA to my STBX. And I immediately began to feel guilt for the first time. Maybe at 40 I might be ready to try the marriage roulette again.

 

 

2) I enjoy reading about the demise of relationships. And I might add these boards are full of good advice and wisdom. Contribute? I'm a pretty good example of what not to do.

 

 

3) At this point I realize I'm not going to commit long term to a relationship. And currently a committed relationship has no appeal to me.

 

 

4) "Nature lends its beauty to a select few, and then but for a short duration." You're so right, I'll eventually get old and lose my looks. So I suppose I better enjoy my confidence about being able to have the guys I want while I can. My Mom is 50 and still an attractive woman.

 

 

 

"Well lets just say those are the old ladies that will bl0w a young guy if you compliment them and pay them a little attention. Don't ask how I know."

 

 

That absolutely cracks me up. I'll have to remember that. Hahahahaha

 

 

bv

[BHsigh]

It's not like I went looking for a new relationship. I had one. The NC never affected the EA in the least. The relationship was a hair's breath away from becoming a PA when I agreed to NC. When my STBX left I'm afraid nothing could have prevented me from resuming where we left off.

 

 

bv

 

So your stbxh chose correctly then.

[Radu]

 

OK……..three weeks and I’m dying. How long before it gets better? For me I’ve been pretty brave during the NC. But I honestly don’t know how much longer I’ll last.

 

 

bv

 

Until you start viewing him as despicable, immoral, a complete loser for pursuing you even after making it clear you are married, you will not get over him.

 

You need to start viewing him as bad.