rich046 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Hi everyone, I am new to this forum. But I used to read a lot about relationship. I am here to seek some help from you guys about few things about things to do after break up. My "Love story" in short Me and my girlfriend (Not anymore) fell in love with each in October,2013. As usual it all went very well and great in the beginning, and then honeymoon phase (that was the best). I started to love her a lot, I told her sometimes that I do love her a lot. Then in December we went for a holiday trip together with some of our friends. During the trip I felt like that somethings was not rite, she was not the same person. She was stressed by thinking about something, I asked her why is she stressed and tensed. She always said nothing. Sometimes I was even afraid to speak or touch her, i don't know how she would react. Sometimes I even tried to be funny and divert her mind from being stressed. After the trip she went directly to visit one of her friend in a near by city, while I returned back home. She told me not to call for the next 2 days, I accepted to it. As I didn't hear from her anything, I called her after 3 days. She spoke normally, but still I felt like something is different. Once she returned back I visited her and she was mad at me for calling her. Even though I felt like I didn't do anything wrong I apologized to her for calling. She told me that she has to study for her exams and has lot of things to do and doesn't have much time to spend with me ( She had tears while saying this to me). I accepted to it because I know that she really has to study a lot. I told her that we can catch up for lunch or coffee in the canteen. I also told her that we can also find some others ways to catch up. She again told me not to call her until she calls me, this time I didn't call her for a week. We texted once in two days, only 3 to 4 text a day. I realized that something big going to come. But I couldn't do anything to stop it. The one day she called me said she wanted to talk with me. She visited me and said that she wants to break up with me (As I know that the break up is coming, I was already kind of prepared for it). the reasons that she gave me for break up are 1. I don't speak her mother tongue, she felt that it more easy and comfortable for her to express her feelings in her own language. I totally accept that. I told her that I working hard to learn her mother tongue. I really worked hard and I made some progress. I told her that I would be able to speak as good as her, but in four months I will be better. I was not only learning the language for her, I also needed it for my job. 2. Then she told me that even though I spent lot of time in the past 2 months with her, I didn't take her out often. I accept that too. She told me that before too. I told her that didn't enough money to take her out. I had to save money for the holiday trip for which I spent a lot. I told her that I realized all these things and I really wanted to change. I even showed her that I made some progress in learning her language ( which I really did). I wanted to show her that I changed, but still continued with reasons 3. Then she told me that she wanted to go for a internship/job to Canada for a year in 2015. If that's what you wanted to do then you should go for it. I'll never stop you from going. By then I would have a good job and enough money to visit you once in 2 or 3 months. Then I realized she really wants to break up with me, I asked her by chance is there a second chance for me to prove. If felt very sad that she already made up her mind to break up with me and she is just her to inform and not hear my part. But she couldn't leave me, She cried and kept hugging me. She actually planned to say few things leave in 15 to minutes. But she was there for 3 hours with some more emotional talk and some hugs. I told her that I won't stop her from breaking up with me. Then finally she wanted to leave, I told her that I still love you and care for you with a final goodbye hug. It's over. We never had a fight or any cold conversation, I always supported and backed her. She told me that I am the best boyfriend that she ever had. I treated her the way that a women would wanted to be treated by her man. She also told me in the beginning that she never had relationship more than 3 months. May be she was afraid be getting committed or long term relationship From the day she break up with me till today I did't write her any text message or facebook message. I didn't even call her once. As i know that she has exams till end February. I don't want to disturb her. Even though I always wanted to, I didn't write or call her. She was my fast and last thought in my mind everyday. I had some sleepless nights but some how I managed to control my feelings. few weeks back I found out that she blocked me in FB, which is really wired. As I didn't write or fill her inbox with messages (May be that's a reason). It's been nearly 3 months, I feel much better than I was in the initial stages after the break up. I feel like writing a letter to her and say how happy I was with her and I am really ok with the break up. Is that good to write a letter to her without expecting any reply? I really wish she won't reply.
iDrumKing Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I feel like writing a letter to her and say how happy I was with her and I am really ok with the break up. Is that good to write a letter to her without expecting any reply? I really wish she won't reply. First of all paragraphs are ALWAYS WELCOMED IN LONG POSTS. But to comment of your post... don't do that. Why would you do that? It's been 3 months dude.
Ms.Gia Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I think it is ok to write her a letter. Only if you are ok knowing that she may not reply. If you still think about her, then let her know. Only try once though. Good luck!
iDrumKing Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I think it is ok to write her a letter. Only if you are ok knowing that she may not reply. If you still think about her, then let her know. Only try once though. Good luck! No. No. No......no.... 2
redbaron005 Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 ...and I am really ok with the break up. Is that good to write a letter to her without expecting any reply? I really wish she won't reply. So you want to write a letter to say you are okay with the break up. Just writing a letter implies that you are not in fact okay with it. 3
sooshi Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 You don't need to write her a letter. She might think it's an attempt to get back with her, which will only serve to push her away (and I'm not sure that's the outcome you want). If you want to write it to yourself, that's fine, but don't send it to her. I think that especially since you don't want her to reply (probably because it might hurt you or cause you anxiety), that you aren't as okay with the breakup as you think you are. You still have some healing to do, which is perfectly fine. Keep going with no contact. 1
maturityassets Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 Avoid rationalizing any type of contact! We decieve ourselves because we are embarrassed of admitting the truth. That after the break up we miss them and want them back.
pickflicker Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 If you don't want her to reply, why are you writing a letter?
anemptycup Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 personally think you need to get everything you want her to know off your chest - and be ok with whatever response you get - but i think it sucks doing it after 3 months of NC because you may well wind up starting at square 1 again if you do get hurt thinking you can take it... i think a closure email/conversation is VITAL after a break-up - as long as you are in control of yoru emotions - i think not getting some things out that you need to - could leave you feeling discontent for a long time... i let my heart pour out to her in the first few weeks... i don't think after 3 months you should mess with the NC you have built up... but your need to reach out may be a sign of your need to get some thing off your chest to her... i can't give you a recommendation either way - just know - you are playing with fire here! and you DON'T want to go back to square one.. it sucks! good luck!
Lifegoezon Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 personally think you need to get everything you want her to know off your chest - and be ok with whatever response you get - but i think it sucks doing it after 3 months of NC because you may well wind up starting at square 1 again if you do get hurt thinking you can take it... i think a closure email/conversation is VITAL after a break-up - as long as you are in control of yoru emotions - i think not getting some things out that you need to - could leave you feeling discontent for a long time... i let my heart pour out to her in the first few weeks... i don't think after 3 months you should mess with the NC you have built up... but your need to reach out may be a sign of your need to get some thing off your chest to her... i can't give you a recommendation either way - just know - you are playing with fire here! and you DON'T want to go back to square one.. it sucks! good luck! I partially agree with this. I got comfort from writing down how I felt. Always in a calm, coherent, non-abusive way and never begging or pleading. It helped me just to write it and sending it made me feel I had some closure and control. But I think you have to do it straight after the BU and then go NC. Three months later sends totally the wrong message and proves you're not over her. You will be looking out for a reply. Write the letter by all means. Then burn it.
Trovador Posted April 6, 2014 Posted April 6, 2014 I think the OP will go with the one advice telling him to contact his ex rather than the rest telling him no good will come from that letter...
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